Confused and tired

[PinkPoker]

My uBPD friend now telling people I'm his best friend... .However I don't feel like one!

The hardest thing for me at the moment is the mixed messages; how controlling is towards me and how black and white he is.   Friends say he likes me more than just a friend and how can I not see it?  As I always reply you're not horrible to someone you like are you?

On one occasion I invited him out for drinks, by the time he got there I was drunk (just acting silly).  He was so furious he left my table and sat with two girls and basically it took me two weeks to get on good terms with him again. He said I was an embarrassment I should of drank soft drinks if I was drinking earlier in the day... .but I had to basically force that info he'd been harbouring out of him.

He loves winding me up; he says I'm too sensitive but sometimes he goes too far. On one occasion he accused me of being lazy and it came across quite nasty. The friends I was with were too scared to confront him but after he'd left they all said it was out of order. I addressed this issue with him and he said he was joking and I was too sensitive until I said I wasn't the only one who thought he was out of order and he changed his mind and started saying yes well I think you can be.

Then more recently he started winding me up in front of a huge group of people - having an inside joke and I asked him to explain what the joke was if it was about me but he wouldn't. The guy sat next to him said 'just tell her' but nope he wouldn't. So I said 'fine I'm going out for a cigarette'.  A friend stood up and had a go at him and said 'look what you have done'. I walked out and then two minutes later he was out there and told everyone who followed to leave me and him alone. He started saying 'PP I'm disappointed in you, very disappointed in you' He then stood and basically raged in my face, shouting at me. I was so shocked I can't even properly remember what he said. A friend ran over and stood between us and told him to back off.  He did... .Another friend watching ran back in and told a friend to come out as he was scared - because that's how bad Mr X got... .I stayed calm throughout and when he calmed down a friend asked if all was okay and he said yes he put his arm round me and said I was his best friend and that I'd been through enough recently. I left it at that.

However, the next day he came down to breakfast  he stood behind me (I was sat down) and put his hands on my shoulders (usual for him) then when we were getting ready to leave he grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug ever! I was quite shocked but never said anything so I thought hey great he does feel guilty, he does have feelings... .

Anyway this incident must have been playing on his mind and a week later he brought it up and said 'that was a good deploy by you to get the sympathy vote'. I was really hurt by this and sent him a message when I got home telling him I was hurt. He said he was hurt because everyone had a go at him (did they?) and that I never corrected them and could I see his dilemma?'.   #confused

We have moved on from this now but... .

So, a week a go we went out with friends and I asked him why he always wears his hat (indoors, sometimes he wears two at the same time). I could tell by his reaction he didn't like me asking.  Since that night he's made very little contact with me and last night I texted him about some money I owed him and said I couldn't do it without his bank details. He replied and just said he had some bad news and would be going AWOL for a while.   Normally I reply to him straight away but decided to wait until today... .I basically told him I was hurt and tired of being pushed away all the time and he doesn't treat me like a best friend and that I hope someone who he could trust was there for him at this time. 

I know people say 'red flags' and I do see them but sometimes you can't help who you care about and although I don't want to I really do. I am tired though and not sure how so many of you have spent years with someone who behaves like this.

Would you tell someone you are going AWOL for a while or was it for a reaction? It seems a bit strange to tell someone... .   If he rings and I don't answer and ring him back an hour or so later he never answers or returns my call.  He very rarely answers messages... .it's all frustrating and very tiring. I don't want to give up on him but I'm not sure how much more energy I can put into this friendship. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rockylove]

Geez... .I'd be exhausted from all that as well!     If this is just a friendship, I think I'd be finding other friends.  I know that may sound harsh, but what does the friendship do for you?