Wife gone NC after 8 good weeks

[Moselle]

My uBPD/NPDw, has gone to No Contact with me, after 8 good weeks.(preceded by 6 months of raging)

She had set an ultimatum for 30 September for me to measure up to her standard as a husband. Initially she said, I want to re-unite. Then she started dysregulating and said, "I've changed my mind"

That was 3 days ago. She's gone from chatty and optimistic about the future to Silent Treatment. No contact whatsoever

If I look back it was quite predictable. This ultimatum date was a big thing for her. I guess she had built it up in her mind that I might get down on one knee and apologise, and tell her that I will adore her forever.

I didn't. In fact I forgot it was her ultimatum date LOL.

What to do?

Any great ideas?

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[formflier]

 

First... .you know what this stage is... .so hang in there.  You are not in control of it... .so focus first on not making it worse.

Act like you don't know she is NC.  Take her something... .reach out for some other reason... like going to coffee... and invite her.

It would seem that last thing you want to do is "chase" her around... .my idea is more about nonchalantly going about your business and seeing if she wants to do something... .be ok with whatever her answer is.

[Moselle]

First... .you know what this stage is... .so hang in there.  You are not in control of it... .so focus first on not making it worse.

Act like you don't know she is NC.  Take her something... .reach out for some other reason... like going to coffee... and invite her.

It would seem that last thing you want to do is "chase" her around... .my idea is more about nonchalantly going about your business and seeing if she wants to do something... .be ok with whatever her answer is.

Thanks formflier.

Not really , what stage is it?

I'm 1500 km away unfortunately. I've sent supportive sms's from time to time, but otherwise I'm ignoring it. It's been 4 days now. At least she let me speak to the kids today. I skyped with them for about 1 hr and she made sure she was no-where near.

I've been careful not to make it worse. But I'm seriously triggered by it. Very anxious. I got out and did lots of stuff to take my mind off it.

We'll see what tomorrow brings. I don't see it lightening up.

I'm choosing to see it as a positive that she's not looking to me for caretaking. She's been triangulating on the phone to her mother playing the victim about my 'sins'

I told her I'm visiting between the 14th and 18th of Oct, to give her a bit of certainty. I reminded her of the good date we had two weeks ago, and the warm feelings we had towards eachother, so I'm trying to help her remember warm memories

Is there anything else I can do from a distance?

[formflier]

 

Sorry... .forgot about distance. 

Try to make plans with kids before you get off the phone about next time to talk... that gets them involved.

Can you catch us up on when you will be back in same town?

[Moselle]

Sorry... .forgot about distance. 

Try to make plans with kids before you get off the phone about next time to talk... that gets them involved.

Can you catch us up on when you will be back in same town?

Distance is good, at this point!

Yes I'll try that next time. The idea is to involve them in non threatening ways.

I'll be there on the 14th