I'm just trying to... .defuse her rage.
Yes... I edited your quote down some... .
But... did it for a very important reason. If you goal is to defuse rage... .you will find many on the staying board... .including me... that will try to talk you out of that as a goal. That may be an end result of other goals we may try to talk you into... .
You are not responsible for defusing her rage... .It's a very different picture to have in your mind to say I'm going to validate my partners emotions as best I can... .versus a picture that says I'm going to validate my partners emotions to defuse her rage... .
You control "as best you can... "... .that is something you can work on ... .that is something you can and will make better over time. You can understand that you are getting better... .and... most likely your partner will change as a result of your change... .
Do you see a difference in the ways of thinking that I presented?
How would you describe the difference?