rough day

[hope2727]

Well today was rough. Almost 6 months since he totally flipped out ended up in inpatient care and left me. I am still blackest of black. Tomorrow is our anniversary and the day we were going to get married. We are both in our 40's and on a second marriage so just us on the beach with a few friends and my mom. Nothing fancy. But now I feel alone and hopeless. Somehow my best friend and ally is now a dangerous stranger.

I want to call him. I want to tell him all I have learned. I want to hug him (possibly around the neck with a rope). But in the end I know there is nothing I can do but live my life to the best of my abilities. He will either get well and come home or he won't.

So I went to work today (and cried) went for my run (and cried) went to buy shampoo (and cried) ordered dinner (and cried). Yup its been that kind of day. Tomorrow should be interesting but hopefully the day after that will be better.

Thank for listening all. I know it sounds crazy. I keep doing the counselling and I keep reading and learning. I just don't know if it will be enough to save us. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[MaroonLiquid]

I'm sorry, I had that kind of day yesterday.  It's tough!   

[hope2727]

Thanks for understanding. No one else does. I am sorry you are suffering too.

[hope2727]

well today was actually easier than yesterday. I guess all the crying did its job. Now I just feel drained and sad.

I hope he is ok. I wish I could tell him how loved he is. I know there is no point but I wish I could reach out to him and let him know he is valuable and loved and missed.

But no matter what I do or say it is all warped into something terribly negative and horrible so there is no point. SO off to dinner I go.

I hope you are all having decent days.