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Author Topic: Does anyone have experience with disability claims,  (Read 348 times)
takingandsending
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« on: October 22, 2014, 11:12:22 AM »

I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to live with a person with mental illness, about what support and treatment I would like to see for my uBPDw or anyone, for that matter, who suffers from this disease. And I have been wondering if anyone else has these thoughts?

I keep running in the hamster wheel speculation of wondering whether or not my wife would be better served by knowing that she has a mental illness. I admit to having little clarity. I just hate the stigma being part of the reason that I don't talk with her about it. Sometimes, it seems if it were out in the open, asking for help from neighbors or people in my son's school community would be easier. Does anyone have experience with disability claims, because my wife has not worked in ages primarily because she can't stay in a job due to this illness?

I sometimes would just like to say to my wife, I love you, and it's unfair that you suffer from this illness. I have watched her cry in frustration, wondering what everyone else sees that she cannot see, and it hurts.

I know it's all one sided conversations in my head, and the fall out of a real conversation could be pretty painful. Just wondering what the community thinks out there.
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Inquisitive1
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« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2014, 01:10:56 PM »

I can really relate to everything you're saying.

I've been feeling especially down about how no one really knows the burden I bare on a daily basis in caring for my dBPDw. I don't feel I can tell family or friends, as they would hold it against her and wouldn't really understand anyhow. Just saying BPD to someone in no way gives them insight into the experience.

As much as I can relate to wanting to get things out in the open, it might be more productive to focus on getting her to engage in therapy. From what you say she is suffering, so you might approach it as therapy being a way for her to decrease her suffering. I've tried this with my dBPDw, with only intermittent success.
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maxsterling
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« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2014, 02:30:47 PM »

This is something I have dealt with for my fiancé.    My fiancé also can't hold down a job, and never has.   In her mid 20s, she was hospitalized for a long period of time after a suicide attempt and drug use.  A social worker helped her file for disability, and after a lengthy process, was granted federal disability.  I'm told that process is not easy or quick, but once on disability, you are always on it.  So if you decide to go back to work, you are simply on hiatus.  If you lose your job for any reason, you don't have to apply again, just get reinstated.

She has also been declared "seriously mentally ill".  I think that is a state thing and not a federal thing.  That allows her access to free mental health services including medications, doctor appointments, programs, and hospitalizations. 

Interestingly, this came up during her rage the past few days.  She said that I was pressuring her to go back to work (not true) and that she was on disability for a reason (that's true).  My feeling is that she really is incapable of handling the stress of any job, and her mental health issues are as severe as anyone out there. 

So yes, you can get on disability for having a mental illness like BPD.  But that means she needs to be evaluated as such and diagnosed and treated.  With my fiancé, that process happened when she was in the hospital and completely out of control for years.  I don't know your wife, but if she is anything like my fiancé being on disability may be good for her.   
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ColdEthyl
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« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2014, 04:04:39 PM »

My husband receives disability for his condition. He cannot hold a job either, he's always much better as his own boss doings odds and ends. (painting, roofing, tile work, etc)
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Mr. Solo
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« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2014, 08:14:11 PM »

I have tried to get my dBPDw to file. In fact, once she asked me to file for her, I did, and then when her appointments came, she couldn't keep them. Then, after she left, she told everyone I told her she was disabled being mean. She left out the part she asked me to file FOR HER. Smiling (click to insert in post)

She cannot keep a regular job. But, in her case, she cannot manage to keep jobs where she works at her own pace and on her own schedule. She had a great photography business going at one time and then lost all of her customers because she wouldn't get their pics to them on time. In fact, one client has never received their WEDDING PICS and it has been almost four years since she took them. They were actually going to sue her until they realized what a mess she really was and felt sorry for her.
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behindme

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« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2014, 10:02:50 PM »

I'm sorry to hear how you're suffering with this; it sounds as if you're a very compassionate person and truly trying to do what's best for your wife.

Unfortunately, there's no blanket answer to your question. I work in the general field but I can't really give advice per say other than per *most* disability guidelines in the US at least personality disorders are generally not considered grounds for permanent disability.  That said, it's not unusual for BPD to be accompanied by other behavioral health co-morbidities that may have a higher chance of qualifying, particularly if associated with suicidal ideation/self-harm, psychiatric hospitalizations, poor thought processes/judgment, consistent irrational behavior with documented mood swings that have been poorly controlled by or resistant to medications - for example, those along the bipolar spectrum. Keep in mind, too, that there's typically two types of disability: short term and long term available through private insurance as well as Social Security however, that is primarily an option extended via employment and you indicated in your case that your wife has not been employed in some time. Private insurers may evaluate such cases with a more flexible view when determining how an employee functions within a work place setting, especially for a limited period and if there's the possibility of return to function within a finite period once therapeutic intervention with compliance or stability has been achieved; of course, in cases of BPD that can be somewhat extensive. SSDB tend to be more difficult to be obtained in most cases of mental health if there is no clear cut mental health diagnosis per se, backed up by firm psychiatric care.

It sounds like Maxsterling experienced this first hand but had some of the elements described above. It's frustrating to be "sick but not sick enough" to qualify. I'm only sharing the guidelines as I've known them to be, however, if you have the time, resources and drive, by all means, it's worth investigating and pursuing further.

Best of luck - and continued support for your support to your dw.
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waverider
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« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2014, 06:18:04 AM »

I am in Aus not US so cant say how it works there. My partner has been on Disability support pension for almost 20 years. Initial reason was severe anxiety and panic disorder. In fact still officially is the reason and hasn't been updated due to more recent diag of BPD. She was also diagnosed OCD for a long while before this.

She cant hold down a job either, and is pretty low functioning. I also get a carers pension to top up my part time income working from home.

So my partner has acknowledged mental illness for years, but still took a long time to accept it was BPD rather than the entrenched belief it was OCD.

Now we can openly talk about, which is good, but it can cause her to "take on the role" to a certain extent and use it as an excuse rather than knuckle down to manage it.

Being long term on a pension has bred a kind of entitlement mentality. For a long time this all went on grog, over the counter meds and ciggies. We are past that stage now but it took a lot of work.
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