How to deal with being ignored

[Twinflame]

So today is now 2 weeks and 3 days since I have heard from my boyfriend. This has been something he has done off and on our entire relationship but now he lives an 11 hour drive away. Last time he did this I drove to his apartment but right now it's not possible with school and my 2 jobs. I just don't know what to do. I keep trying to be sincere when I contact him and I even call him still but I get nothing in return. I am feeling so empty and so confused. I don't know if he considers me his girlfriend or not anymore, I don't even know what his mental disorder is if anything. I keep trying to get an answer out of him but I don't know anymore. Someone please help. I promised him I wouldn't give up on him.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Twinflame,

Hang in there.  I can relate to you.  I am going through a similar situation with my uBPDbf.  He moved 2,000 miles away a month ago.  I was getting the silent treatment for awhile.  It drove me nuts as well.  I gave him space, since it was probable that he was dysregulating. The move triggered my bf and he could not even bear to talk to me on the phone, because hearing my voice made him upset.  Our text conversations were really sparse. He would text one or two things to me and that what our conversations were like for weeks.  After trying everything I could, I finally gave him space.  I would text him like once every 5-6 days, just to let him know I was still there for him. 

Try giving him space and focus on yourself.  I know it is hard.  It was so hard for me.  Start communication by texting one sentence things.  For example, "I hope you are doing well."  Basically, things that won't trigger him.  Questions and feelings tend to trigger pwBPD when they are dysregulating.  I was doing this and finally got a phone call on Sunday. 

[Determined1]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. How frustrating it is to be ignored by your partner and having a hard time understanding what exactly is going on. You stated that this happens off and on throughout the relationship. Communication takes two people so if he is not responding right now, you may have to wait for him to reach out to you. In the past, has he been the one to reach back out to you when this happens or do you eventually get through to him? Perhaps using the S.E.T. here could help limit this behavior from him in the future. Reassure your support for him, empathize with his feelings and be truthful about how his behavior makes you feel. Please keep us updated!

[Twinflame]

Hi Twinflame,

Hang in there.  I can relate to you.  I am going through a similar situation with my uBPDbf.  He moved 2,000 miles away a month ago.  I was getting the silent treatment for awhile.  It drove me nuts as well.  I gave him space, since it was probable that he was dysregulating. The move triggered my bf and he could not even bear to talk to me on the phone, because hearing my voice made him upset.  Our text conversations were really sparse. He would text one or two things to me and that what our conversations were like for weeks.  After trying everything I could, I finally gave him space.  I would text him like once every 5-6 days, just to let him know I was still there for him. 

Try giving him space and focus on yourself.  I know it is hard.  It was so hard for me.  Start communication by texting one sentence things.  For example, "I hope you are doing well."  Basically, things that won't trigger him.  Questions and feelings tend to trigger pwBPD when they are dysregulating.  I was doing this and finally got a phone call on Sunday. 

Hello EaglesJuju - thanks for your reply... .It has been very hard and I don't know the right thing to do. I think I am going to try to give him space because I've tried so hard to be supportive and understanding but it has not worked. Not sure if this goes on for too long if maybe I just have to give up. Not much I can do but fly there or drive there. The thing that sucks was that I was planning on moving in 6 weeks out there and some of my things are already at his apartment. thank you so much for your support

[Twinflame]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. How frustrating it is to be ignored by your partner and having a hard time understanding what exactly is going on. You stated that this happens off and on throughout the relationship. Communication takes two people so if he is not responding right now, you may have to wait for him to reach out to you. In the past, has he been the one to reach back out to you when this happens or do you eventually get through to him? Perhaps using the S.E.T. here could help limit this behavior from him in the future. Reassure your support for him, empathize with his feelings and be truthful about how his behavior makes you feel. Please keep us updated!

In the past he never really reaches out and if he does barely. Not frequently enough to show any pattern of behaviour. I feel like I have tried S.E.T. and it doesn't work, maybe I don't understand how to do it correctly but it's been almost a month since him and I have talked and I don't know what to do other then give up or just go there. Not sure but I really appreciate the support.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Twinflame,

Hang in there.  I can relate to you.  I am going through a similar situation with my uBPDbf.  He moved 2,000 miles away a month ago.  I was getting the silent treatment for awhile.  It drove me nuts as well.  I gave him space, since it was probable that he was dysregulating. The move triggered my bf and he could not even bear to talk to me on the phone, because hearing my voice made him upset.  Our text conversations were really sparse. He would text one or two things to me and that what our conversations were like for weeks.  After trying everything I could, I finally gave him space.  I would text him like once every 5-6 days, just to let him know I was still there for him. 

Try giving him space and focus on yourself.  I know it is hard.  It was so hard for me.  Start communication by texting one sentence things.  For example, "I hope you are doing well."  Basically, things that won't trigger him.  Questions and feelings tend to trigger pwBPD when they are dysregulating.  I was doing this and finally got a phone call on Sunday. 

Hello EaglesJuju - thanks for your reply... .It has been very hard and I don't know the right thing to do. I think I am going to try to give him space because I've tried so hard to be supportive and understanding but it has not worked. Not sure if this goes on for too long if maybe I just have to give up. Not much I can do but fly there or drive there. The thing that sucks was that I was planning on moving in 6 weeks out there and some of my things are already at his apartment. thank you so much for your support

Hi Twinflame,

I am sorry that this has been so difficult. Have you tried reaching out to him through texts? 

[guy4caligirl]

Hi Twinflame,

Hang in there.  I can relate to you.  I am going through a similar situation with my uBPDbf.  He moved 2,000 miles away a month ago.  I was getting the silent treatment for awhile.  It drove me nuts as well.  I gave him space, since it was probable that he was dysregulating. The move triggered my bf and he could not even bear to talk to me on the phone, because hearing my voice made him upset.  Our text conversations were really sparse. He would text one or two things to me and that what our conversations were like for weeks.  After trying everything I could, I finally gave him space.  I would text him like once every 5-6 days, just to let him know I was still there for him. 

Try giving him space and focus on yourself.  I know it is hard.  It was so hard for me.  Start communication by texting one sentence things.  For example, "I hope you are doing well."  Basically, things that won't trigger him.  Questions and feelings tend to trigger pwBPD when they are dysregulating.  I was doing this and finally got a phone call on Sunday. 

Hello EaglesJuju - thanks for your reply... .It has been very hard and I don't know the right thing to do. I think I am going to try to give him space because I've tried so hard to be supportive and understanding but it has not worked. Not sure if this goes on for too long if maybe I just have to give up. Not much I can do but fly there or drive there. The thing that sucks was that I was planning on moving in 6 weeks out there and some of my things are already at his apartment. thank you so much for your support

Hi Twinflame,

I am sorry that this has been so difficult. Have you tried reaching out to him through texts? 

I agree I have gone through that myself its hard just like you said exactly no phone calls nothing text answered like a week latter frustration pain on my part you name it I got a call even though it's not to recycle but to help 2nd call in three months she said is so good to hear your voice and there after flipped out cause she didn't get the help she wanted .

after she said it's so good to hear your voice I felt the weakness she has towards me good or bad I don't know but I will take it as a good sign and helped me go NC now 6 days I am proud of myself .

Remember when you were in that relation sometimes you asked yourself Man what am I doing with this bad relation just remember how week and needy they were and they are still but they act like queens and have all the power in there hands NC makes them come back down from the Queen chair I hope that helps you .

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Twinflame,

Hang in there.  I can relate to you.  I am going through a similar situation with my uBPDbf.  He moved 2,000 miles away a month ago.  I was getting the silent treatment for awhile.  It drove me nuts as well.  I gave him space, since it was probable that he was dysregulating. The move triggered my bf and he could not even bear to talk to me on the phone, because hearing my voice made him upset.  Our text conversations were really sparse. He would text one or two things to me and that what our conversations were like for weeks.  After trying everything I could, I finally gave him space.  I would text him like once every 5-6 days, just to let him know I was still there for him. 

Try giving him space and focus on yourself.  I know it is hard.  It was so hard for me.  Start communication by texting one sentence things.  For example, "I hope you are doing well."  Basically, things that won't trigger him.  Questions and feelings tend to trigger pwBPD when they are dysregulating.  I was doing this and finally got a phone call on Sunday. 

Hello EaglesJuju - thanks for your reply... .It has been very hard and I don't know the right thing to do. I think I am going to try to give him space because I've tried so hard to be supportive and understanding but it has not worked. Not sure if this goes on for too long if maybe I just have to give up. Not much I can do but fly there or drive there. The thing that sucks was that I was planning on moving in 6 weeks out there and some of my things are already at his apartment. thank you so much for your support

Hi Twinflame,

I am sorry that this has been so difficult. Have you tried reaching out to him through texts? 

I agree I have gone through that myself its hard just like you said exactly no phone calls nothing text answered like a week latter frustration pain on my part you name it I got a call even though it's not to recycle but to help 2nd call in three months she said is so good to hear your voice and there after flipped out cause she didn't get the help she wanted .

after she said it's so good to hear your voice I felt the weakness she has towards me good or bad I don't know but I will take it as a good sign and helped me go NC now 6 days I am proud of myself .

Remember when you were in that relation sometimes you asked yourself Man what am I doing with this bad relation just remember how week and needy they were and they are still but they act like queens and have all the power in there hands NC makes them come back down from the Queen chair I hope that helps you .

NC could have a negative effect.  I like to think of it as not NC, but giving a pwBPD space. In my opinion, if you want to continue the relationship, the best solution is space and limited contact. A few supportive texts make a world of difference.   It is a balance of validating their needs, not engulfing them, but showing them you are still there. 

[Twinflame]

Hi Twinflame,

Hang in there.  I can relate to you.  I am going through a similar situation with my uBPDbf.  He moved 2,000 miles away a month ago.  I was getting the silent treatment for awhile.  It drove me nuts as well.  I gave him space, since it was probable that he was dysregulating. The move triggered my bf and he could not even bear to talk to me on the phone, because hearing my voice made him upset.  Our text conversations were really sparse. He would text one or two things to me and that what our conversations were like for weeks.  After trying everything I could, I finally gave him space.  I would text him like once every 5-6 days, just to let him know I was still there for him. 

Try giving him space and focus on yourself.  I know it is hard.  It was so hard for me.  Start communication by texting one sentence things.  For example, "I hope you are doing well."  Basically, things that won't trigger him.  Questions and feelings tend to trigger pwBPD when they are dysregulating.  I was doing this and finally got a phone call on Sunday. 

Hello EaglesJuju - thanks for your reply... .It has been very hard and I don't know the right thing to do. I think I am going to try to give him space because I've tried so hard to be supportive and understanding but it has not worked. Not sure if this goes on for too long if maybe I just have to give up. Not much I can do but fly there or drive there. The thing that sucks was that I was planning on moving in 6 weeks out there and some of my things are already at his apartment. thank you so much for your support

Hi Twinflame,

I am sorry that this has been so difficult. Have you tried reaching out to him through texts? 

I have tried texting and calling but so far nothing has worked. I've been afraid of him commuting suicide and what not. His parents don't even talk to him and they got worried once and called me but they don't understand the magnitude I think of the situation. I don't speak their language either so it's hard to communicate. I've tried being very compassionate and understand and a couple times I have lost it on him because it's now been a month since we have spoken. I asked him to tell me if I am still his gf even and he won't respond. I get nothing. It was a month yesterday since we texted. I don't know what to do but leave him alone anymore.

[Twinflame]

Hi Twinflame,

Hang in there.  I can relate to you.  I am going through a similar situation with my uBPDbf.  He moved 2,000 miles away a month ago.  I was getting the silent treatment for awhile.  It drove me nuts as well.  I gave him space, since it was probable that he was dysregulating. The move triggered my bf and he could not even bear to talk to me on the phone, because hearing my voice made him upset.  Our text conversations were really sparse. He would text one or two things to me and that what our conversations were like for weeks.  After trying everything I could, I finally gave him space.  I would text him like once every 5-6 days, just to let him know I was still there for him. 

Try giving him space and focus on yourself.  I know it is hard.  It was so hard for me.  Start communication by texting one sentence things.  For example, "I hope you are doing well."  Basically, things that won't trigger him.  Questions and feelings tend to trigger pwBPD when they are dysregulating.  I was doing this and finally got a phone call on Sunday. 

Hello EaglesJuju - thanks for your reply... .It has been very hard and I don't know the right thing to do. I think I am going to try to give him space because I've tried so hard to be supportive and understanding but it has not worked. Not sure if this goes on for too long if maybe I just have to give up. Not much I can do but fly there or drive there. The thing that sucks was that I was planning on moving in 6 weeks out there and some of my things are already at his apartment. thank you so much for your support

Hi Twinflame,

I am sorry that this has been so difficult. Have you tried reaching out to him through texts? 

I agree I have gone through that myself its hard just like you said exactly no phone calls nothing text answered like a week latter frustration pain on my part you name it I got a call even though it's not to recycle but to help 2nd call in three months she said is so good to hear your voice and there after flipped out cause she didn't get the help she wanted .

after she said it's so good to hear your voice I felt the weakness she has towards me good or bad I don't know but I will take it as a good sign and helped me go NC now 6 days I am proud of myself .

Remember when you were in that relation sometimes you asked yourself Man what am I doing with this bad relation just remember how week and needy they were and they are still but they act like queens and have all the power in there hands NC makes them come back down from the Queen chair I hope that helps you .

NC could have a negative effect.  I like to think of it as not NC, but giving a pwBPD space. In my opinion, if you want to continue the relationship, the best solution is space and limited contact. A few supportive texts make a world of difference.   It is a balance of validating their needs, not engulfing them, but showing them you are still there. 

He texted and told me sorry for being a disturbance in your life. How do you want your things back? Then he texted me again as if he was supposed to be sending it to someone else 'so I texted her... .She's probably going to take advantage of this since I gave her the power' weird and now I can't sleep

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Twinflame,

Hang in there.  I can relate to you.  I am going through a similar situation with my uBPDbf.  He moved 2,000 miles away a month ago.  I was getting the silent treatment for awhile.  It drove me nuts as well.  I gave him space, since it was probable that he was dysregulating. The move triggered my bf and he could not even bear to talk to me on the phone, because hearing my voice made him upset.  Our text conversations were really sparse. He would text one or two things to me and that what our conversations were like for weeks.  After trying everything I could, I finally gave him space.  I would text him like once every 5-6 days, just to let him know I was still there for him. 

Try giving him space and focus on yourself.  I know it is hard.  It was so hard for me.  Start communication by texting one sentence things.  For example, "I hope you are doing well."  Basically, things that won't trigger him.  Questions and feelings tend to trigger pwBPD when they are dysregulating.  I was doing this and finally got a phone call on Sunday. 

Hello EaglesJuju - thanks for your reply... .It has been very hard and I don't know the right thing to do. I think I am going to try to give him space because I've tried so hard to be supportive and understanding but it has not worked. Not sure if this goes on for too long if maybe I just have to give up. Not much I can do but fly there or drive there. The thing that sucks was that I was planning on moving in 6 weeks out there and some of my things are already at his apartment. thank you so much for your support

Hi Twinflame,

I am sorry that this has been so difficult. Have you tried reaching out to him through texts? 

I agree I have gone through that myself its hard just like you said exactly no phone calls nothing text answered like a week latter frustration pain on my part you name it I got a call even though it's not to recycle but to help 2nd call in three months she said is so good to hear your voice and there after flipped out cause she didn't get the help she wanted .

after she said it's so good to hear your voice I felt the weakness she has towards me good or bad I don't know but I will take it as a good sign and helped me go NC now 6 days I am proud of myself .

Remember when you were in that relation sometimes you asked yourself Man what am I doing with this bad relation just remember how week and needy they were and they are still but they act like queens and have all the power in there hands NC makes them come back down from the Queen chair I hope that helps you .

NC could have a negative effect.  I like to think of it as not NC, but giving a pwBPD space. In my opinion, if you want to continue the relationship, the best solution is space and limited contact. A few supportive texts make a world of difference.   It is a balance of validating their needs, not engulfing them, but showing them you are still there. 

He texted and told me sorry for being a disturbance in your life. How do you want your things back? Then he texted me again as if he was supposed to be sending it to someone else 'so I texted her... .She's probably going to take advantage of this since I gave her the power' weird and now I can't sleep

It seems like he was texting you that on purpose.  Although there could be a few reasons he texted you that, I am not really sure.