BPD and legal troubles

[Cloudy Days]

I haven't posted on this site for a long time actually. My husband who is diagnosed with BPD was locked up for some time waiting for a mental evaluation. He is now out on bond and is waiting for sentencing because he took a deal just to get released. Anyways, as you can imagine waiting for sentencing to be handed down to him is extremely stressful to him and me. He's been free for a month (with an ankle monitor). He's going to therapy more regularly than he ever has and is taking medication which I feel has made a huge difference. But the simple fact is, the holidays are coming up and his sentencing is 3 days before Christmas. Talk about a lot to deal with for a man who has a hard time dealing with anything. Yesterday he was told that at night when he went to pick up our dog from the back fence (she doesn't like to come in sometimes) he went too far from the monitor. This of course triggered him and he feels like the parole officer is harassing him. I have been as validating as I can be, as well as trying to convince him that the best way to get through this whole mess is to just do what the man tells him to do. He keeps taking on a victim mentality and acting as if he did nothing wrong and this guy is bullying him. To be honest, the PO was very nice about it, just wanted to know what happened and asked that it not happen again. I reassured him that I feel he did nothing wrong and it was the PO's responsibility to check on it and ask that we take steps to prevent it from happening. 

I know that things are going to be more tense the closer it gets to the end of December. It is possible that he will be sentenced to time served and probation because that is the deal that he made, that's what we are praying for. But it is also possible for them to sentence him up to 5 years because the deal he made gave the court control over his sentencing. I truly feel he should not have taken the deal because he was not guilty of what they accused him of doing. But I am not going to nit pick and explain something that cannot be changed. This whole nightmare has made him more untrusting, every single time something anxiety provoking happens he turns on me. Granted with the medications I've been around him when he was worse, but the stress of all of this insurmountable for the both of us. I just don't really know how to handle it. Especially when he is suppose to be my best friend and every time something happens he turns on me. I know the gist of why he does it, but it doesn't make it less hard to deal with. Not really sure what advice I am asking for. I have went to therapists and feel it is a waste of money for me at least. I didn't get anything out of it and it usually just made me feel depressed afterwards. So here I am asking for some type of advice, I just want to get through these next two months without it being hell. Then the ___ will hit the fan and go wherever it is going to go but the waiting is the worst part.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Mono No Aware]

Hang in there Cloudy!

Read the Lessons and take care of yourself. Keep out of the FOG, don't JADE, maintain SET-UP. You will get through this and shine once more.

[Cloudy Days]

I am seeing a pattern with my husband. He has been severely depressed, he's going to therapy and taking medications so no rages, but the depression is severe. I try to Validate when I can, I try to be supportive as possible. But how do you really deal with someone who is cocooning into themselves. He is wanting to move from our rental home at the moment because we have hated our neighbors for a long time. I have been trying to convince him to wait until after he gets sentenced because that's throwing too much on his plate at one time. It seems like he will come out of the depression temporarily when he can go shopping or something of that nature to distract himself. But for the most part he is just obsessive about moving and very sad. Or he will spend 3 hours looking up a hat he wants on the internet and just out right ignoring me.

I would rather he be depressed than raging, but it breaks my heart to see him like this. It's gotten to the point where we aren't being intimate which is something he would use to distract in a good way. He's having problems in that area because he is so down. It's not from the medication either, the ones he's on don't have those side effects. I guess what makes matters worse is that I try to be as joyful as possible and cheer him up, but it's hard not to snap when he has nothing good to say about anything. So then I go off on him for being so ho hum and he goes off on me for getting on to him when he is clearly depressed. This is usually after I calm down and Validate that he is depressed and anyone dealing with what he is going through would act no differently.

I know I am getting into trying to control his emotions with my actions. Should I just leave him be? I wish so much that I could distract him. He has a ton he is worrying about and I don't blame him, he has every right to feel how he does, and I tell him that on a regular basis. The only time I can get him to act normal is when I can get him to go shopping. And we are pretty much broke right now, but that's really not a fix anyways. Any suggestions?