understanding if I am black or white.

[MrBlueEyes]

Hello all,

I have recently joined the boards and made a few posts, mostly though I have read alot.

I am in the process of moving into another place and leaving the house that me and my BPDgf leased together. There has been much devaluing lately etc and I was certain I was as black as can be.

However, lately in texts she has been saying sorry when she doesnt get back to me, and explaining herself on some topics.

Yesterday I rode with her to pay the rent here and we were supposed to be getting tacos at this place that we both frequent. She picks me up and we head to the taco place, as we pull in she "notices" that her husband and current victim is there and says. "Oh I guess hes here eating tacos" and then laughs. So I made a comment about how weird that was that he would just happen to be there at that time, since usually after school she goes to see him at his house and here he is at the taco place we are going to. She tells me that she had told him earlier in the day that she "might" have tacos with him after school and stated that "he has nothing else to do, so he must just be hoping I came down here". So I asked her if she confirmed with him they were going to meet there and she repeatly claimed no. I told her I was not going in and would not be used to make someone jealous. Then in a rage she said "Why would I use YOU to make MY HUSBAND jealous" as to say he is better then I am so bringing me in there when he was there would not make him jealous.


For the next 10 minutes she was a total witch. Then she started to talk to me and joke around some but her mood was very bizarre. Her mood seemed to change with every sentence. There would be a joke and a laugh and then I would say something and she would yell at me. Then a few minutes later she would be joking around again. It was like she was caught in between black and white. She would say a good thing about me only to yell at me 5 seconds later.





1. So I am confused here. If she is "into" her husband again why decide to take me out to tacos and ride to pay rent with me when she obviously had some kind of plan to eat with him already. If he is being idealized and she is "with" him in the sense of identity is this even possible? Also I dont know exactly what she text him but I do know that she didn't tell him we were together.

2. Has anyone else ever seen this back and forth happen so rapidly? usually for us it has been months of idealization and then a few weeks of devaluation and then nothing until the cycle repeated?

3. It appeared to me that when I mentioned something that was a "weakness" she would be more nice. For example in the beginning when she wa being really mean. I asked her if her goal was to hurt me. I told her that I couldn't take any more of her being mean and that if her goal was to hurt me that she succeeded. she then commented on how she forgot how sensitive I was in a backhanded way but then would be nice. Do they have a desire to feel "superior" compared to their throwaway exs?

[Pou]

My view is that you should just break it off.  I think if you read your own description of what went on … it is obvious that she likes drama.  soon or later, she will get you into trouble and may even cause physical altercation with her husband.  Giving that you are "the other guy" ... you should not get involved in this mess.  There is no reason that why you should be having a relationship with her.  She sounds like something is really wrong and unless you like drama and get hurt … then there is no reason to stick around or even trying to figure it out.  good luck!

[MrBlueEyes]

Well I am leaving here in a few minutes and going to fill out an application for another place.

I mostly posted this question because I am trying to understand what is taking place?

When she was with me she could not be away from me at all. She NEVER wanted to go out. She would leave work early becasue as she told her friends she just wanted to cuddle with me all the time.

So Im trying to understand how if they are "together" how can she choose to spend time with me? Why does she treat her relationship with him so differently? And what about him sitting there waiting for her is funny to her?

Wanted to add that although legally I am the other guy. We have spent more time together over the last two plus years then they have. And due to legal reasons she cant live with him and hasn't been able to for the entire two plus years.

[Pou]

Sounds like if you decide to stay with her... you may end up with life time of pain and suffering.  One thing i learned about PD is that they want to take possession of you… if they feel like they are losing control then they turn on rage mode and then they start to tare you down… and they will do whatever they can to strike you until they feel like they are under control.  is that normal?  NO!  but it took me many many many years to understand that is what is going on.  So … my point is that you are very lucky to have found this forum only after 2.5 years.  It is obvious to me that her ex had some problems with her and has yet been able to get away … now… there are back stories and drama that she created with him while with you that you will never know or be able to figure it out.  So you have to decide whether you want to live in a script that she created for you and there will be lots of pain and confusion and dehumanizing you … or you can carefully dance yourself away from this mess….  I got to tell you, I self reflect and I kind of see why and how I was attracted to my mess today… and one day if I can be so lucky getting out (with 3 kids… extremely difficult) ... I will never make same mistake again.  2.5 years is not too long to call it a quit ... and start anew.  good luck!