What if a BPD really read what everyone states here same tactics same actions

[guy4caligirl]

Again the question is :

Let's say a strange BPD person finds out about this site not to spy ,but wanted to know what others think about her issues ?

Do you all  think she will heal   ?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[bruceli]

Again the question is :

Let's say a strange BPD person finds out about this site not to spy ,but wanted to know what others think about her issues ?

Do you all  think she will heal  ?

Actually had this happen on this very site.  Didn't work out very well. 

[MaybeSo]

There are threads and articles that speak very intelligently and compassionately about what it is to have BPD or PTSD or and attachment disorders on this website etc.,

and I think someone with BPD would gain a lot from those kinds of threads and articles.

There are other threads and articles that have a completely different tone and express anger, confusion, hostility, fear, and/or have a very blaming tone toward the person with "BPD" b/c of the challenging nature of these relationships.

and I think someone would feel quite stigmatized and vilified to read that kind of material.

That's why it's best for someone in that situation to not be reading here.

There is one article somewhere on this site that talks about codependence in nearly the exact same way BPD is often discussed, meaning the tone is very harsh, blaming, and there is a negative story given as the reason for all codep behavior that is not attractive but rather damning... .and anytime that article gets highlighted here... .people here jump out of their skin and feel very defensive, and defend and attack everything about it, and defend and attack the idea that they MAY be codependent in any way and defend and attack the idea that co-dependence even exits in any way.   I think Skip finally pointed out that that article has the same exact slant and editorial style as many BPD write-ups, so for me, it gave me a first hand feeling about what it must like to be on the other end of that kind of negativity. 

[Mutt]

There is one article somewhere on this site that talks about codependence in nearly the exact same way BPD is often discussed, meaning the tone is very harsh, blaming, and there is a negative story given as the reason for all codep behavior that is not attractive but rather damning... .and anytime that article gets highlighted here... .people here jump out of their skin and feel very defensive, and defend and attack everything about it, and defend and attack the idea that they MAY be codependent in any way and defend and attack the idea that co-dependence even exits in any way.

I  agree MaybeSo.

Again the question is :

Let's say a strange BPD person finds out about this site not to spy ,but wanted to know what others think about her issues ?

Do you all  think she will heal   ?

Let's take a look at the flipside. Does it trigger us when some of us may have codependent traits? Do we unlearn our behaviors?

[guy4caligirl]

I love how you put it Mutt !

I would not react that bad , but I will look into the CO dependency and try to improve myself but I won't flip out I will accept if I am ... .No problem .

[Mutt]

Hi guy4caligirl,

Think of it this way, if she could meet you halfway I'm sure that she would try. She may be trying to do the best that she can for now. Cut her some slack with having her trying to meet you in the middle. Change starts with you. You can't change someone else.

[guy4caligirl]

Are you saying she met me in the middle by accepting to work with me from a distance ?

I have been validating her as much as needed we exchange idea , I won't get mad or let her trigger me I have been accepting that that how she is and trying to do my best to get a good reaction from her that am really getting better at communicating with her.

Do you see any good coming out of working together , I am practicing patience .

[Mutt]

Are you saying she met me in the middle by accepting to work with me from a distance ?

No. What I am saying is that she has a disorder and that you may be expecting too much out of her.  Learn ways to communicate to be less triggering and learn to depersonalize the behaviors by understanding what drives the disorder.

Hang in there.

--Mutt