BPD wife

[Lifesmith]

Hi all,

It's really a strange coincidence that I found this page. My wife of 2 years has recently been diagnosed with BPD after a tumultuous 5 years together. Long story.

The reason I got here however, is that I just found my notebook in the bottom of the trash. This is that one notebook I use to write down everything I need to do around the house (we recently moved I to a fixer-upper and I'm doing all the remodeling) as well as random ideas, notes about trivial things, calculations, etc. I fondly call it my Mind, since it helps me remember everything and when I lose it, well, I've lost my mind.

Seriously had a rough day trying to find it, retracing my steps over and over, feeling quite obsessed about the damn thing and thinking I really HAD lost it, when it occurred to me to look in the garbage. There it was, under a whole bunch of disgusting stuff, apparently my wife had thrown it away "without knowing." Maybe so, but maybe not. All I can say is I'm pissed.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maxsterling]

Wll, I want to say 

BPD is a conundrum of an illness.  Just so many behaviors that just seem confusing and self destructive and unsolvable.  I know how you feel right now.  Dealing with a pwBPD sucks out your energy.

Regarding the notebook - so weird.  Do you think she threw it away intentionally?  Possibly it was an accident, but when dealing with a pwBPD - there is a chance she intentionally threw it away.  My significant other tends to hate clutter, and will tend to go through phases where she wants to throw out everything, often focusing on MY things.  And she will throw away things that are important - bills, instructions, clothes... .  I wouldn't put it past her to get rid of something of mine if she was mad at me and found a way to resent it.  I did have a previous BPD/NPD partner who went through my cabinets the first time she came to my house, throwing away things that I later found in the trash.  She somehow thought she was doing me a favor, helping me "better" myself and organize my life.  Umm.  One of the things she threw away was my toothpaste.  Apparently she thought I was using the wrong brand.  So maybe that is the case with your notebook?  Have you asked her about it?