Hi all. Things have been going pretty well the past month and a half or so between my uBPDw and me, in so far as no major blow ups or arguments ... .just skirmishes.
But, I am definitely noticing the last 2 weeks that she is struggling more as the sunlight fades from this part of the world. It's as if the darkness in her psyche really takes root. We have installed the full spectrum lights (our bathroom is like super nova bright), but to little avail. I am feeling a dread of running the Halloween-S9 birthday - Thanksgiving - my birthday - Hannukah/Christmas gauntlet. And basically, this is a time that I love and is actually special to me, but her despondent moods laced with explosions of anger and resentment and obligation just sap me. I was hoping that I might weather it better this year, and we did seem to do better through Halloween - like all her crazy fear and aggression toward people who like Halloween didn't have to ruin the kids' fun. But this downturn is picking up steam.
When I reflect that even just last year, I was ready to walk out because it had become so toxic, it is better so far this year. And I am pretty committed to maintaining boundaries and just doing what feels good for me and the kids and letting her sort out her feelings in her own way. Still, if anyone has a good joke or two or a funny story to share, that might help me more than anything. I guess what I am wondering is how you manage your own fear when things start falling apart. Just needing a little pep talk, here.
