deal with my loneliness

[blueeyes567]

Ive read a lot about validating my dBPDw but how do I deal with myself? My wife used to show tons of affection and tell me I look good in those jeans and reciprocate things sexually but I feel like I'm on a one way street of giving and no getting. I dont think this is something I can talk to her about right now and by no means have I thought about going outside our marriage but this is starting to take its toll on me

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

Ive read a lot about validating my dBPDw but how do I deal with myself? My wife used to show tons of affection and tell me I look good in those jeans and reciprocate things sexually but I feel like I'm on a one way street of giving and no getting. I dont think this is something I can talk to her about right now and by no means have I thought about going outside our marriage but this is starting to take its toll on me

What would happen if you were more obvious about complimenting her for a week or so.  See if she picks up the ball in return. 

If she doesn't... .what would happen if you asked her to "up the level" of her affection and compliments towards you?

[Grey Kitty]

You sound like you feel unappreciated and unloved by her... .like you only give and she only takes... .

You say you don't feel safe talking to her about it. I think that is wise on your part. Hearing this would be difficult for her, and your intuition tells you that she isn't up to it. That she would find a way to twist it around and blame you for your feelings. That is the last thing you need today!

Honor your feelings.

If you give her love, affection, and compliments when you are feeling hurt and abused, that isn't honoring your feelings.

When you feel this way, I'd suggest that it is your heart telling you that you need a bit more space away from her for now.

Another time, you will feel that you do value your marriage, and want to do your part to work on it. You will find you care more about her, feel compassion for the horrible place her head is to live inside. You will WANT to do nice and validating things for her then.

Until then, take good care of yourself. If you do things to make space for yourself, be as gentle and as kind as you can. If you give her some sort of explanation, make it about what you need for yourself... .not about what she is failing to give you.

   GK