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Author Topic: My exH is more of a Psychopath than a BPD  (Read 537 times)
Hope0807
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« on: November 23, 2014, 08:18:05 AM »

"10% of them are killers, 90% of them will make you want to kill yourself"…I have to find where that was written, but I found it amongst the plethora of information that confirms the man who nearly destroyed my life is indeed a Psychopath.  I knew the "BPD" term was not the full explanation for this individual who was secretly gloating about the pain and havoc he was single-handedly responsible for.

It saddens me to think of the countless who have no idea they've been traumatized by a disordered person.  They are shells of their former selves years and years after the betrayal.  I cannot imagine being without the knowledge that I now have.  Even with it, surviving and conditioning myself to believe I will thrive again is a struggle.  I have loved the illusion of a Psychopath, who magically mimicked every tear, apology, and resemblance of empathy over 7 years.  His wheels were in full motion to suck every bit of what I could offer him out of my soul.  To hint that I will or should one day find compassion toward and forgive him is nothing less than suggesting I hand over my soul to the devil.  Some of you out there may have been with a BPD who struggled largely with a fear of abandonment and regulating their emotions, but many out there who had their lives shattered in a variety of ways, may have met a Psychopath.  I know I have.  

The gray area between BPD characteristics and Psychopathy is startling to say the least.  I now know my mother was a BPD who raged, was selfish, manipulative, struggled with emotions, and then some…but would have never relished in cruelty to others.  

My exH is more of a Psychopath than a BPD.  I have read SO many stories on this site and elsewhere that sound to fit psychopathy (beyond BPD) and I'm wondering why there isn't more of a forum/conversation about this disturbing reality.  

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« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2014, 08:25:58 AM »

I don't know if mine was a BPD or psychopath... .but what I do know is she was not human. She took and took and then hit me with a final blow that basically destroyed me. I am a shell of who I used to be. I have good days and bad days... .today is a bad one.
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« Reply #2 on: November 23, 2014, 08:35:50 AM »

Excerpt
His wheels were in full motion to suck every bit of what I could offer him out of my soul.

I'm sorry you endured that Hope, it sounds very hurtful.

Excerpt
The gray area between BPD characteristics and Psychopathy is startling to say the least.

Although the behaviors of a borderline and a psychopath can be similar, the motivations are very different and distinct.  Also, the term "psychopathy" literally means "mental disease", so any disorder is psychopathy, although a psychopath is a specific diagnosis.  Confusing, all this mental health information that we never knew we needed to know, but in the end what really matters is how the behaviors affected us, and more importantly, what are we doing about it now?  What's one thing you're looking forward to right now Hope?
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« Reply #3 on: November 23, 2014, 08:41:06 AM »

"10% of them are killers, 90% of them will make you want to kill yourself"…I have to find where that was written, but I found it amongst the plethora of information that confirms the man who nearly destroyed my life is indeed a Psychopath.  I knew the "BPD" term was not the full explanation for this individual who was secretly gloating about the pain and havoc he was single-handedly responsible for.

It saddens me to think of the countless who have no idea they've been traumatized by a disordered person.  They are shells of their former selves years and years after the betrayal.  I cannot imagine being without the knowledge that I now have.  Even with it, surviving and conditioning myself to believe I will thrive again is a struggle.  I have loved the illusion of a Psychopath, who magically mimicked every tear, apology, and resemblance of empathy over 7 years.  His wheels were in full motion to suck every bit of what I could offer him out of my soul.  To hint that I will or should one day find compassion toward and forgive him is nothing less than suggesting I hand over my soul to the devil.  Some of you out there may have been with a BPD who struggled largely with a fear of abandonment and regulating their emotions, but many out there who had their lives shattered in a variety of ways, may have met a Psychopath.  I know I have.  

The gray area between BPD characteristics and Psychopathy is startling to say the least.  I now know my mother was a BPD who raged, was selfish, manipulative, struggled with emotions, and then some…but would have never relished in cruelty to others.  

My exH is more of a Psychopath than a BPD.  I have read SO many stories on this site and elsewhere that sound to fit psychopathy (beyond BPD) and I'm wondering why there isn't more of a forum/conversation about this disturbing reality.  

I am sorry you went through what you went through. My brother is UBPD/aspd. He tortured me for over a decade. One of my earliest memories is him grabbing me by my feet when I was 3 spinning around in a circle for about 30 seconds then letting go  throwing me into a brick wall. He was 12 years old at the time.  I find it hard to have compassion for my brother for his behavior.  If your ex had aspd traits or a partial psychopath as I have seen them coined I can understand your lack of compassion.  I consider them sociopaths.

Very very different from my quiet borderline ex.  Their are resources and forums all over the net for survivors from psychopath abuse.  It tends to get swept into the general domestic abuse forums and I remember one forum I found dedicated to survivors of psychopath abuse before I found this forum.  

I was not sure if my ex was a psychopath. All I knew is there was something wrong with me and my ex took sadistic pleasure in hurting me and I couldn't understand it.  Started searching the net and learned of cluster B.  Their is a chart somewhere on the site showing the percentage of aspd comorbidity with BPD and it was something like 3 to 1 male to females.
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« Reply #4 on: November 23, 2014, 09:38:45 AM »

Hope, I can relate to feeling like a shell of my former self.  I don't think my ex is a psychopath, I'm not even sure BPD (although I'm almost certain PPD).  I do feel compassion for my ex which leads me to believe that he isn't a psychopath.  I can understand why compassion would be near impossible for someone that is a psychopath.  Have you heard of the ':)ark Triad'?  I was watching a video of the Spartan Life coach last night and he touches on this, might be something you could find some answers in.  I think the video is titled "The zombie witchdoctors of narcissistic abuse" (I know, weird name, but great video).  You can find it on YouTube.  Very, very interesting.  He describes how these people leave you as a shell of a person by the most sinister manipulations and mind controls.  Spartan Life Coach is a great resource for learning how to protect ourselves from these people again.
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« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2014, 02:51:11 PM »

I understand what you mean: feeling all our energy, happiness and entire soul have been sucked in. That he only cares out of his OWN interest. The lack of empathy. The lies etc.

I have no idea what my M. Crazy is. I thought for long that he was BPD, then a therapist told me he might be schizophrenic, but for what I know he might be bipolar, psychopath (ASPD) or whatever.

What I know is that he freaks me out, and that I've no idea whether I've been fooled or not. If he really loved me or not. No idea whatsoever. That hurts.

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« Reply #6 on: November 23, 2014, 03:05:47 PM »

I'm sorry you suffered Hope0807 with your ASPDh

"10% of them are killers, 90% of them will make you want to kill yourself"

These odds grim. 0% hope. Terrible.

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Indyan
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« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2014, 03:15:37 PM »

"10% of them are killers, 90% of them will make you want to kill yourself"

Honestly all crazy people may make us want to kill ourselves, because they drain all the energy from people.

It's a Don Quichotte effect, fighting against windmills... .getting no result, and that may last for years on... .
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« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2014, 03:26:15 PM »

It sounds as though you've come to a reasonable conclusion.  Many, if not most, BPDs are struggling with maintaining relationships, boundaries and poor sense of self; primarily they're a danger to themselves through self-mutilation or suicide but rarely homicide - if that's the case then it's likely they've crossed the precipice to sociopath or psychopath as your ex appears to have. In our search to find answers and rationalization, it becomes easy/convenient to latch onto something that seems to meet our quest for answers and resolution but it's likely BPD may not have incorporated the full spectrum of what you'd witnessed and experienced.

In the end, I suppose one has to ask if it truly matters what the label was as long as you're out of the r/s, can recognize s/s of an unhealthy individual, perhaps explore your own self and background deeper as to what may draw you to such individuals - consciously or otherwise - so as to not repeat such attractions.  The latter may be best with the assistance of a qualified individual as too often even if we *think* we know enough, have read enough, have felt enough to open the flood gates, it's amazing what may be lurking behind - anger and self-protection has a way of doing that to preserve us in some strange way, especially if we had an upbringing that involved a mother with BPD traits. Sure seems like you're on the right track to some deeper discoveries.
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Indyan
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« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2014, 03:36:15 PM »

In the end, I suppose one has to ask if it truly matters what the label was

It depends I guess whether you can turn the page for good or not.

I have a baby with that crazy man, so I can't help wondering what exactly his problem is.
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« Reply #10 on: November 23, 2014, 03:45:28 PM »

For so long I thought my ex was BPD, and she IS BPD, but she is also a psychopath. Its been so destructive to my healing just considering her as BPD because I cannot help but feel sorry for her, and feel bad for the emotions she has to cope with, and the distortions she has to live with.

Once I discovered that in most cases BPD is comorbid with something else, I read up on the other PD's and then it all made sense. I felt bad for letting my sense of self become totally obliterated, by someone that was just reaching out for help. This wasn't the case, suddenly I was very aware of all the psychopathic behaviours she displayed, and how she actively enjoyed cutting me down, and suppressing me potentional, my passions, my friends, everything.

It was toughest when you had no idea what you were dealing with, but perhaps its even tougher when you misdiagnose someone as just being BPD, as Spartan Life Coach states, and also Thomas Sheridan states, its rare that people are ONLY BPD. I would venture to suggest that there are a lot of people on this forum dealing with psychopaths but they don't know it.
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« Reply #11 on: November 23, 2014, 03:52:24 PM »

I would venture to suggest that there are a lot of people on this forum dealing with psychopaths but they don't know it.



Could you give an example of what you wife did that's ASPD rather than BPD?
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« Reply #12 on: November 23, 2014, 04:13:35 PM »

I would venture to suggest that there are a lot of people on this forum dealing with psychopaths but they don't know it.



Could you give an example of what you wife did that's ASPD rather than BPD?

Playing the victim and manipulating people against each other with lies.

Forgetting which mask to wear and occasionally becoming someone who was a complete stranger.

Didn't understand my pain, zero empathy, but visibly hated my happiness.

Highly aggressive, extremely insulting, and quick to cut down and destroy anything that was not related to her.

An obsession with serial killers and nazis.

Unable to understand what was moral and immoral, could only mimic if told what was right/wrong.

Destruction to objects/property, hiding & stealing my possessions.

Lieing about where they are, who they're with, and setting up situations in order to cause harm.
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Hope0807
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« Reply #13 on: November 23, 2014, 06:24:56 PM »

For me, the label is critical.  Intensive introspection is definitely underway like never before to avoid meeting another disordered person for sure.  Most specifically, it's the "pathology" I need to understand and make sense of in order to heal.  Friends growing up had "alcoholic" parents/family members, "drug addict" was a label applied to others, my family was riddled with a wide variety of mental illnesses no one dared even mention was problem…if I had the "BPD" label to apply and understand with my mother 25 years ago, the course of my life may have been drastically different…and I truly believe different in the positive direction.  I suffered greatly as an only child of parent where "something is wrong but I can't put my finger on it…" was part of my every day thoughts.  Today, it's crystal clear that my mother was an uBPD.  Although manipulative and one who fully believed her own lies on a regular basis, she had tremendous compassion and empathy... .yet struggled grossly with interpersonal relationships and all emotions but anger.  She is dying and bed bound now…a mere shell of the obnoxiously difficult person she was for my entire life.  She did the best she could and I know that now, but I cannot deny the severity of damage her disorder has left with me.

Unconsciously, I went on in life to seek the intensity I was used to with her.  The uBPD/ASPDexH provided that intensity.  I did not know of "love bombing" or that it was a red flag.  HIS rumbling irritability/negativity toward the outside world rolled off my shoulders without hesitation because I grew comfortably uncomfortable with a parent who was similar.  Never did I think the same viciousness my ex went on to exhibit toward others would be turned on to me.  But that's exactly what happened.  My mom struggled to show affection, my ex supplied plenty of affection, put me on a pedestal immediately and when I threatened to leave (multiple times) in the throes of his unrelenting chaos, the pull back toward that pedestal was strong enough to keep me hanging on.  My mom was terrified of abandonment to the point that she crafted me into her caregiver from a young age.  When she became physically ill, I was forced to more fully (beyond emotionally) step into that caregiver role.  So when my uBPD/ASPDexH needed rescuing in everything from finances, managing daily routines and creating a purpose-driven life…MY identify and resourcefulness became his target for theft.  

In the end, I suppose one has to ask if it truly matters what the label was as long as you're out of the r/s, can recognize s/s of an unhealthy individual, perhaps explore your own self and background deeper as to what may draw you to such individuals - consciously or otherwise - so as to not repeat such attractions.  The latter may be best with the assistance of a qualified individual as too often even if we *think* we know enough, have read enough, have felt enough to open the flood gates, it's amazing what may be lurking behind - anger and self-protection has a way of doing that to preserve us in some strange way, especially if we had an upbringing that involved a mother with BPD traits. Sure seems like you're on the right track to some deeper discoveries.

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Hope0807
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« Reply #14 on: November 23, 2014, 06:26:38 PM »

I share your "not human" thoughts very much.  Thinking of you, today was a bad one for me as well.  Hang in there.

I don't know if mine was a BPD or psychopath... .but what I do know is she was not human. She took and took and then hit me with a final blow that basically destroyed me. I am a shell of who I used to be. I have good days and bad days... .today is a bad one.

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Hope0807
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« Reply #15 on: November 23, 2014, 06:42:35 PM »

My uBPD/ASPDexH…

1.  Cost his father 20 grand in legal fees to save him from jail and copped an atrociously smug attitude about it all in front of family (regularly sported a strong disdain toward authority and law enforcement) - BUT regularly posts on social media that he let his father down before his death (seeking pity from those who have no idea of his actual cruelty but are ready to give him the pat on the back his narcissism needs to feed on)

2.  Took his mother's pain pills in front of her on her death bed

3.  Stole his father's credit card and maxed it out while he was sick and dying

4.  Welcomed me to come to our home to pack at my leisure (during the split) and allowed me to find him in bed with another woman in the middle of the day with another woman

5.  Posted social media pictures of him with other women - telling me they were not his love interests while others in his social circle knew otherwise

6.  Asked me to move back into the home after splitting (telling me he wanted to work on the marriage) but was really to use me for business functions so he could collect income

7.  Allowed me to find condoms-on-the-ready at his/our bedside

8.  Sent me a text message saying "I'm losing my mind and hurting you because of it" and then left an ipad open on a message communicating with a perfect stranger (female of course) on social media about how horrible I treat him and he's happy to be single

THESE ARE JUST SOME of the trauma this Psychopath has tossed into my world.

I would venture to suggest that there are a lot of people on this forum dealing with psychopaths but they don't know it.



Could you give an example of what you wife did that's ASPD rather than BPD?

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« Reply #16 on: November 23, 2014, 11:25:08 PM »

This is the reason why I feel my ex is a Psychopath .

my ex does not care about anybody but herself . but she will tell you that she cares about her kids.

she is not a cutter and does not care about what you are feeling.

she would look at me and say . I don`t need people around me. she looked being alone and if people came over she would tell them to leave. she did not have any friends.

when it came to my needs nothing it all  about her.

her face would change

she would come plain out and tell me she could care less about anybody but her kids 

and the abuse that is a whole different story.

AND SHE IS PROUD THAT SHE HAS BPD .
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« Reply #17 on: November 24, 2014, 01:30:18 PM »

Playing the victim and manipulating people against each other with lies.

Forgetting which mask to wear and occasionally becoming someone who was a complete stranger.

Didn't understand my pain, zero empathy, but visibly hated my happiness.

Highly aggressive, extremely insulting, and quick to cut down and destroy anything that was not related to her.

An obsession with serial killers and nazis.

Unable to understand what was moral and immoral, could only mimic if told what was right/wrong.

Destruction to objects/property, hiding & stealing my possessions.

Lieing about where they are, who they're with, and setting up situations in order to cause harm.

Apart the stuff in bold, my BPD/potentially STPD stbx also did all these things.

I guess it depends on the frequency?

He's been acting horribly in fact since I stopped trying to get him back 
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« Reply #18 on: November 24, 2014, 01:53:04 PM »

she would come plain out and tell me she could care less about anybody but her kids 

and the abuse that is a whole different story.

AND SHE IS PROUD THAT SHE HAS BPD .

I have an old family friend who embraces her BPD dX, too. Not to get better, though, but for validation that she is the way she is and you can either like it or not. The sad thing is that her formerly sweet daughter, now a teen, is showing signs of BPD as well, and her mom is proud that her daughter is like her.
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« Reply #19 on: November 24, 2014, 02:05:42 PM »

I would venture to suggest that there are a lot of people on this forum dealing with psychopaths but they don't know it.



Could you give an example of what you wife did that's ASPD rather than BPD?

Playing the victim and manipulating people against each other with lies.

Forgetting which mask to wear and occasionally becoming someone who was a complete stranger.

Didn't understand my pain, zero empathy, but visibly hated my happiness.

Highly aggressive, extremely insulting, and quick to cut down and destroy anything that was not related to her.

An obsession with serial killers and nazis.

Unable to understand what was moral and immoral, could only mimic if told what was right/wrong.

Destruction to objects/property, hiding & stealing my possessions.

Lieing about where they are, who they're with, and setting up situations in order to cause harm.

When we first met mine lied about being divorced.

When she took off one summer she told me she got married. Found out six months later that was a lie

She always told me her brother hated me because I was a girl. Girls aren't suppose to be together. Was at his house one night and it came up how he didn't approve and he was like what are you talking about... .She played us against each other.

When ever something  good happened at work she would call me a brown noser

Never interested in my feelings... .no empathy.

Would unleash on me and then five minutes later act like nothing happened.

Hated I had friends and that people liked me

Hated that I was out going and generous.

Every sentence she said started with "I"  never thought of anyone else.

She basically just hated everything about me.
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« Reply #20 on: November 24, 2014, 04:07:47 PM »

Hope0807 

Thank you so much for this post. I have often had these type of thoughts about my H. He has such disregard for people as a whole and I have often wondered how close to being a serial killer type of psychopath he might be. Now even though I say that, he has never done anything physical to me aside from push me and grab my face, but hes told me on many occasions how he would kill me or how I should kill myself. But the disregard for humans has always been a bothersome thing for me. I am a fairly compassionate person, but someone can upset him and he will say something like "I hope he/she dies today". I have never been able to wrap my head around some of the things he has said and done to people including his family.
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« Reply #21 on: November 24, 2014, 06:55:15 PM »

Playing the victim and manipulating people against each other with lies.

Forgetting which mask to wear and occasionally becoming someone who was a complete stranger.

Didn't understand my pain, zero empathy, but visibly hated my happiness.

Highly aggressive, extremely insulting, and quick to cut down and destroy anything that was not related to her.

An obsession with serial killers and nazis.

Unable to understand what was moral and immoral, could only mimic if told what was right/wrong.

Destruction to objects/property, hiding & stealing my possessions.

Lieing about where they are, who they're with, and setting up situations in order to cause harm.

Apart the stuff in bold, my BPD/potentially STPD stbx also did all these things.

I guess it depends on the frequency?

He's been acting horribly in fact since I stopped trying to get him back 

Well my point is, its unhealthy for us to consider them just BPD, when they display psychopathic traits aswell, with all these PD's, they have their nuances, they all lap over each other, and they are mostly comorbid, so it gets very complicated, but at the centre of them all, is the same beating heart of oil.
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« Reply #22 on: November 25, 2014, 12:24:42 AM »

and they are mostly comorbid, so it gets very complicated, but at the centre of them all, is the same beating heart of oil.

I agree
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« Reply #23 on: November 25, 2014, 06:23:24 PM »

and they are mostly comorbid, so it gets very complicated, but at the centre of them all, is the same beating heart of oil.

I agree

And if we are led to treat them differently to Psychopaths, we are in for a world of pain.

And thats one of things that I am most angry about, her sisters, the people that enabled her, and hid her behaviour, and who she truly was, the people who tempted me into a relationship with her, hoping I would be the one who finally fixed her.
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« Reply #24 on: November 27, 2014, 10:33:00 AM »

Yes, SoTired,

My ex said the same, "I hope they die…they should just ___ing kill themselves…" and SO SO much more over time.  I chalked it up to an intensity and anger management issues because a moment later he could be extremely warm and charismatic.  My ex was boiling underneath his mask. 

How long were you with your ex?  My therapist questioned me recently and I mentioned how awful it is to move past feeling like I've lost 7 years of my life, as I'm not only NOT missed for a moment by someone who proclaimed his undying love so profusely for me - but with someone who is horridly disordered and incapable of bonding on a human level…INCAPABLE OF BONDING ON A LEVEL I SWORE SWORE SWORE was a love to stand the test of time.  How disturbing!

Hope0807 

Thank you so much for this post. I have often had these type of thoughts about my H. He has such disregard for people as a whole and I have often wondered how close to being a serial killer type of psychopath he might be. Now even though I say that, he has never done anything physical to me aside from push me and grab my face, but hes told me on many occasions how he would kill me or how I should kill myself. But the disregard for humans has always been a bothersome thing for me. I am a fairly compassionate person, but someone can upset him and he will say something like "I hope he/she dies today". I have never been able to wrap my head around some of the things he has said and done to people including his family.

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« Reply #25 on: November 28, 2014, 12:29:33 PM »

Hope, I also want to say thanks for this post.  I was married for 15 years (most of it together 24/7 from working at home) to a woman who I left 5 years ago, "discovering" via this website just before leaving that she was borderline.  We've coparented two kids so I still have unfortunately significant contact with her, though I try to limit to email.

And I had a uBPDmom too. 

Over time it became clear the BPD label didn't totally fit my xw.  Just a few weeks ago I visited my former psychologist and after listening to my story of the last 20 years, she said my xw sounds like antisocial personality disorder, not BPD.  And I've been checking out psychopathy, and now am having the "second light bulb experience."  Many on this site who think they have a relationship with a "high functioning BPD" are probably involved with psychopathy.

Five years out of the relationship, I'm still stuck and devastated inside, haven't been able to move on.  Can't get this demon and everything she did to me, and my poor choices, out of my head.  Can't trust anyone, and isolate myself, built a defensive wall around myself which I need to gently remove brick by brick.

This link has a podcast I found helpful, about the 9 stages a person goes through re a relationship with a psychopath, starting at 26:00

www.aftermath-surviving-psychopathy.org/radio/index.php/2011/03/07/aftermath-radio-stages-of-the-aftermath/

Also found this interesting, from Women Who Love Psychopaths by Sandra Brown, p.24

"Borderlines also fall into the low empathy spectrum and are now found to have similar neuro-abnormalities also seen in the psychopathic spectrum.  New evidence suggests that some women diagnosed borderline . . . are really underdiagnosed APDs or psychopaths.  This new evidence gives us some idea of the similarity in features of the disorders and why they look similar behaviorally in people.  This has given rise to a symptom overlap name of 'borderpath' that incorporates symptoms from both borderline and psychopath."

My ex also continues to inflict trauma on me by alienating my children from me, while wearing a mask of being cooperative and friendly.  I have a personal terrorist for life.  I'm finding the resources for dealing with a psychopathic spouse or ex much more limited than for borderline.  There is a difference, in the level of sadism and intentional evil, among other areas.

I'm interested if anyone knows additional good resources about this / support forums.

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Hope0807
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorcing & Living Apart
Posts: 417



« Reply #26 on: November 29, 2014, 01:01:02 AM »

Pilgrim,

I'm so grateful for what you wrote here!  Before discovering the "BPD" label and having any idea of exactly what was exploding all around me, I was devastated that I was leaving the relationship childless.  I gave that relationship the very best of my child bearing years.  I can only imagine what you go through with co-parenting and welcome your updates if for no other reason than an ear or perspective.

I have decided to start an in-person support group for survivors of pwPDs in my area of New Jersey.  There are way, way too many of us left in these ashes.  I cannot remain in those ashes.  I thought life was beautiful before I met him.  I felt joy and had a very firm sense of my own core values and self worth.  The fact that another human being can systematically strip another human being of those very things is something I never, ever believed was possible.  Despite my addiction to shows like Criminal Minds, I was convinced I would recognize his breed of crazy if it came anywhere near me.  I will never not have a shiver reminding myself that HE WAS right beside me or in the next room.  He will not win. 

Hope, I also want to say thanks for this post.  I was married for 15 years (most of it together 24/7 from working at home) to a woman who I left 5 years ago, "discovering" via this website just before leaving that she was borderline.  We've coparented two kids so I still have unfortunately significant contact with her, though I try to limit to email.

And I had a uBPDmom too. 

Over time it became clear the BPD label didn't totally fit my xw.  Just a few weeks ago I visited my former psychologist and after listening to my story of the last 20 years, she said my xw sounds like antisocial personality disorder, not BPD.  And I've been checking out psychopathy, and now am having the "second light bulb experience."  Many on this site who think they have a relationship with a "high functioning BPD" are probably involved with psychopathy.

Five years out of the relationship, I'm still stuck and devastated inside, haven't been able to move on.  Can't get this demon and everything she did to me, and my poor choices, out of my head.  Can't trust anyone, and isolate myself, built a defensive wall around myself which I need to gently remove brick by brick.

This link has a podcast I found helpful, about the 9 stages a person goes through re a relationship with a psychopath, starting at 26:00

www.aftermath-surviving-psychopathy.org/radio/index.php/2011/03/07/aftermath-radio-stages-of-the-aftermath/

Also found this interesting, from Women Who Love Psychopaths by Sandra Brown, p.24

"Borderlines also fall into the low empathy spectrum and are now found to have similar neuro-abnormalities also seen in the psychopathic spectrum.  New evidence suggests that some women diagnosed borderline . . . are really underdiagnosed APDs or psychopaths.  This new evidence gives us some idea of the similarity in features of the disorders and why they look similar behaviorally in people.  This has given rise to a symptom overlap name of 'borderpath' that incorporates symptoms from both borderline and psychopath."

My ex also continues to inflict trauma on me by alienating my children from me, while wearing a mask of being cooperative and friendly.  I have a personal terrorist for life.  I'm finding the resources for dealing with a psychopathic spouse or ex much more limited than for borderline.  There is a difference, in the level of sadism and intentional evil, among other areas.

I'm interested if anyone knows additional good resources about this / support forums.

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