"I like people who tell me what to do."

[Mr. Solo]

My dBPDw keeps saying she likes people who tell her what to do. She even has a friend who runs my wife ragged and uses my wife but it is what my wife seems to like. Okay. So I tried it. Yeah right! If I try and tell my wife to do something she says I am being bossy, controlling, a narcissist, an ___hole, etc. I don't get it. FRiends can boss her around and she is fine. I can simply ask something and I get dressed down.

Why?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maxsterling]

Why?  Beats me.  Part of BPD, I guess.  I get it too.  Some days she complains I am controlling.  Other days she says she wants me to make all the decisions.  I think part of the lack of sense of self.

[sweetheart]

Hello Mr Solo,

For me this is about the relationship/attachment that a pwBPD has with their SO. Fundamentally BPD is an attachment/relational disorder that stems from the dysfunction/trauma/abuse/invalidation of their relationship with their parents or whomever the primary care givers were at the beginning of their lives and through their formative developmental years.

So the 'issues' that your wife has around attachment will be primarily focused around you. The dysfunction and chaos can and does extend out wards to friends and acquaintances but never like it will be with you. So control, abuse, blame and paranoia, manipulation and so on, is mainly kept especially for you . It is with you that your wife will reenact her trauma.

That is my understanding of what is going on and it certainly fits for my dBPDh.