Hello Mr Solo,
For me this is about the relationship/attachment that a pwBPD has with their SO. Fundamentally BPD is an attachment/relational disorder that stems from the dysfunction/trauma/abuse/invalidation of their relationship with their parents or whomever the primary care givers were at the beginning of their lives and through their formative developmental years.
So the 'issues' that your wife has around attachment will be primarily focused around you. The dysfunction and chaos can and does extend out wards to friends and acquaintances but never like it will be with you. So control, abuse, blame and paranoia, manipulation and so on, is mainly kept especially for you
. It is with you that your wife will reenact her trauma.
That is my understanding of what is going on and it certainly fits for my dBPDh.