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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
Listen with Empathy -
A Powerful Life Skill
Setting Boundaries
and Setting Limits
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Author Topic: Is anyone else at that point?  (Read 1183 times)
vortex of confusion
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« Reply #30 on: December 02, 2014, 05:01:37 PM »

Dad,

yes the education and insight are helpful and bring me the confidence that comes with understanding what is going on around me.  This education on the BPD topic also makes me realize that most of the burden is squarely on me.   She is seeing a therapist, but who the Hell knows what is actually said there.    Boundaries do not solve everything.  I have asked my BPDw many times that if I am indeed the cause of all the bad things in her life, why in God's name would she stay with me?   Crickets at that point.

My whole point in the post is that if we are to stay together, she will have to improve also, BPD or not.   If the illness prevents her from doing so... .

I am right there with you on this Mike! I don't care how much I do or don't love my husband I am tired. Before finding these boards several months ago, I felt like maybe there was a little bit of hope that things would change. Last year, he told me to give him a year after he started his 12 step program. Somewhere along the way, he told me point blank that he couldn't work on our relationship and that he was only focusing on himself and conquering his addiction. It is always one excuse after another. Right now, I think he is running a bit scared and is grasping at whatever straws he can find. He has only had 4 or 5 sessions since he started going over the summer. Therapy and his 12 step program don't seem to be making much difference. Well, he is trying a little harder but he wants to be praised like a child for every little thing he does. Every tiny bit of progress that he makes he has to tell me over and over and over again. Not only that, but he adds, "I'm not looking for praise but I did blah, blah, blah." It has become too much for me to deal with so I am trying to work towards finding an exit strategy. The stuff on here is to help me keep my sanity until I can get myself in a better position to leave.
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« Reply #31 on: December 02, 2014, 07:14:16 PM »

God love ya', Mike, and everyone else!  I just this minute got done with a l-o-o-n-n-g-g session of talking/communicating/validating out the wazoo.  Once I would have experienced a burst of relief, joy, and affection, because it seemed that all would be good once everyone understood and accepted each others' feelings. Now I know it is only a matter of time (minutes or days) when it all turns to sh** again.  So tired that only one person's feelings count in this house; the dog's needs LITERALLY come before mine!  Suggested he find a different place to live last night because he is so very miserable with me.  Etc., etc., etc.  Exhausting.  Love to all.
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« Reply #32 on: December 02, 2014, 07:32:53 PM »

I am right there with you on this Mike! I don't care how much I do or don't love my husband I am tired... .he is trying a little harder but he wants to be praised like a child for every little thing he does. Every tiny bit of progress that he makes he has to tell me over and over and over again.

Yes, it really is like dealing with a child sometimes. I thought I married a man, not a toddler, adolescent or teenager and somehow in the course of a week, he manages to be all three.

I just this minute got done with a l-o-o-n-n-g-g session of talking/communicating/validating out the wazoo.  Once I would have experienced a burst of relief, joy, and affection, because it seemed that all would be good once everyone understood and accepted each others' feelings. Now I know it is only a matter of time (minutes or days) when it all turns to sh** again.  So tired that only one person's feelings count in this house; the dog's needs LITERALLY come before mine! 

The incredible self-centeredness pwBPD display is mind boggling. Only his feelings count, and if I try to tell him how I feel, he accuses me of making it all about myself. The projection is astounding and the lack of self awareness is dumbfounding. Even my cat has more people skills... .
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« Reply #33 on: December 02, 2014, 08:07:48 PM »

Excerpt
He has only had 4 or 5 sessions since he started going over the summer. Therapy and his 12 step program don't seem to be making much difference.

Well, with that approach it won't make much of a difference.  My therapist used to say, just sitting in a meeting and expecting to get better is like sitting in a hen house and expecting to turn into a chicken.  (God I love that woman!)  Anyway, it takes a great deal more effort and work on their part to see a change.  Intense weekly therapy, medication, group therapy, sponsor and working the 12 steps.  Most of them are so afraid to change that it takes something big for them to accept that much work.  Talking about BPD addicts here but think the amount of work it requires for change is just as hard for BPDs without addictions (although I think all the BPDs I know IRL have addictions).
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« Reply #34 on: December 03, 2014, 01:57:17 AM »

Hi all,

Sorry to hear about all your troubles.

No offense, but I think you all need to focus more on yourselves.  Yes, your partner is exhausting you, but you can refuse to be part of it if you are not ready.

You can decide to be there for him/her half of the time, and for yourself the other half.  Take a break from it all, and learn to listen to your own inner voice.  When under stress, you lose the ability to understand your own needs, and that ability will only come back when you're relaxed.

So give yourself the opportunity to get back to base, and refuse your partner's actions/requests/statements if you feel you need to recover from previous turmoil.  It is your human right, but you have to demand it before you get it.

Sure, it will get a lot of objections initially; but that is only because his/her fulltime assistant suddenly decides to quit, and only work part-time.  So be it.  With consistency, all change will eventually settle in.

Yes, it will take courage, especially in the beginning.  But that is because you are not aware of how to get through emotional abuse, and stay grounded, focused and on course through the storm.  There is some good literature on it, to help you get proficient.

You owe it to yourselves.  If you don't do it, no one will... .


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« Reply #35 on: December 03, 2014, 05:06:21 AM »

Kitty,

thanks for the thoughtful interest you have shown, but you are truly missing the entire point of this post:  I am explaining that I am tired of years of being the one to contain the fire, set boundaries, etc.   Essentially what this training about BPD tells me is that I have to respect myself - which I most certainly do - and then tolerate behavior that I would not tolerate from a 7 year old from the woman that should be the closest person in the world to me.

The synopsis of this post is I am not sure she is worth it.  

You are right. The tools, including boundaries, and indeed the purpose of the staying board is not to ensure a relationship works (as that is an impossible guarantee), as for many who benefit from being here still leave. The point is it teaches you how to get your side of the fence sorted and give your partner the best base from which to sort her side. It is to give you clarity as to the reality of the situation. What is possible and what is not.

In short, so that you can clearly and honestly, without future requests answer that very question "is it worth it?". Remove the doubt both for now, and for after you make your choice. This does not mean you have failed the purpose of the staying board it simply means you have used it effectively to reach that decision which is right for you.

It is to rid you of the "what ifs' and general undecided endless questioning. These are the things that truly waste our lives. Giving it your best shot then deciding its not for you is not wasted effort. It has still produced a result for you.
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« Reply #36 on: December 03, 2014, 08:15:42 AM »

Excerpt
Yes, it will take courage, especially in the beginning.  But that is because you are not aware of how to get through emotional abuse, and stay grounded, focused and on course through the storm.  There is some good literature on it, to help you get proficient.

I somewhat agree but not fully.  A therapist at the intensive my dBPDh and I were at (where he was diagnosed with BPD) told me the reason I didn't react well to the things my dBPDh did was because NO ONE should tolerate that behavior.  No amount of trying to respond correctly would work, I had to just set a clear boundary and walk away.  I had to get to the point of being willing to lose the relationship.  I went through quite a bit of mourning over losing the relationship.  Where the skills and lessons on this site  helped were that I learned to validate his emotional state and then walk away.  My dBPDh didn't start to respect me until this happened. It was like he was waiting for me to be the grown up before he would start making changes himself.
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« Reply #37 on: December 03, 2014, 08:25:53 AM »

All:

Thank you.   Some additional thoughts of mine on this topic:

1.  I am posting this on the staying Board because I have been posting here for about 2 years.   If I cave in to her EVERY wish I am sure we can be together for the rest of our lives.

2.  My BPDw is in a Celebrate Recovery (12 step) program for I don't know what, as well as therapy.    It really hasn't made my life any better and I am sick to death of hearing about her's.  Bottom line on this point:   I CLEARLY matter NOT IN THE LEAST to her.   She is intelligent.  Regardless of this illness, she HAS to intellectually understand she is driving me away.

3.  I have hung in with my BPD wife through all the horrible treatment over the years, all the while being used financially and for my labor.  I post my epiphany here as an extension of my experience.

4.  This epiphany of mine is best summed up by the words of another:   the pwBPD NEEDS someone to rage, kick and blame, without any consideration for that person.   That punching bag is usually their spouse.   I will pray for her, and I hope I don't go to hell for doing this, but I am leaving her ass.   She can find another poor ass.   I wish her luck.

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« Reply #38 on: December 03, 2014, 08:33:10 AM »

So we, the NON's are told up front that WE must be the ones to change because our spouse with BPD is incapable emotionally of producing change in themselves.  Now, it is finally crystal clear to me that there is no possible way in my understanding of this world that my wife with BPD could actually love me.   With that understanding, she is clearly not worth it.

This conclusion was not arrived at easily.   I guess I always suspected this in the back of my mind.   It has been a process for me.  For her, it's a friggin' endless loop.   
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« Reply #39 on: December 03, 2014, 08:54:59 AM »

Excerpt
So we, the NON's are told up from that WE must be the ones to change because our spouse with BPD is incapable emotionally of producing change in themselves.  Now, it is finally crystal clear to me that there is no possible way in my understanding of this world that my wife with BPD could actually love me.   With that understanding, she is clearly not worth it.

I am sorry, that mourning and pain are hard to accept.  I finally was able to accept that my dBPDh wasn't capable of loving me the way I needed, not at the point we were at.   The bigger truth was that I had to love and respect myself enough to not tolerate less than I deserve.  I can only ask that my dBPDh be willing to learn how to meet my needs, if his answer was no then I would have been done too.  Take care of you.
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« Reply #40 on: December 03, 2014, 09:09:56 AM »

She is intelligent.  Regardless of this illness, she HAS to intellectually understand she is driving me away.

This is a mental illness and by definition mental illness doesn't make everyday common sense.  Yes, it can be described, categorized, even written up to great lengths in text books but it still doesn't make sense.

So does she understand what she's doing?  At some level, yes.  But note that you may never know at which level.  (My ex has been out for over 9 years and not once in all those years have I heard any admission of her doing anything wrong.  Not even when I got custody, not even when I got majority parenting time.)  Her Denial is so great, she just has to keep Blaming, Blame Shifting, Controlling and Dictating.  Doesn't matter whether it is consciously or unconsciously, the entitled behavior is the same.

Looks like we'll see you over on the Family Law board.  Just a reminder, if you foresee a decision to leave, whether sooner or later, then you must be careful about any information you share with her.  In fact, think twice before sharing anything with her since it would likely be self-sabotaging and she could perceive anything shared as an invitation to use it against you.  As a last ditch all or nothing effort she could drain accounts, max out the credit cards, etc, all in a "Sherman's March To The Sea" campaign leaving nothing behind.

You will need local legal advice, better to have multiple consultations with family law attorneys to try to reduce risk of some thorny issue falling through the cracks.  Deciding to end it is not enough, you need a strategy to weather a high conflict divorce, flexible and modifiable based on her actions, reactions and overreactions.
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« Reply #41 on: December 03, 2014, 09:16:50 AM »

Fortunately,  we have only been married 4 years.   We have no children together.  Own separate houses.  We have no common property and no credit cards.   My pay is deposited in an account held only by me.   
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« Reply #42 on: December 03, 2014, 10:17:18 AM »

A therapist at the intensive my dBPDh and I were at (where he was diagnosed with BPD) told me the reason I didn't react well to the things my dBPDh did was because NO ONE should tolerate that behavior.  No amount of trying to respond correctly would work, I had to just set a clear boundary and walk away.  I had to get to the point of being willing to lose the relationship.  I went through quite a bit of mourning over losing the relationship. 

Profound!  I heard the same thing from my T - "I can't tell you how to communicate better with someone who screams at you."  She basically flat out told me during my VERY FIRST SESSION that my partner likely had BPD, and that it would always be a difficult situation, and I feel confused and lost because I was being emotionally abused, and that there was nothing I could do about the abuse but refuse to participate in it.

And mourning the R/S?  I've been with her almost two years, and probably felt heartbreak at least 6 times, and yet we have never officially broken up.  I think your point about being able to accept we may lose the r/s is spot on.  I'm there intellectually, but not quite emotionally.  It seems backwards, but in order for us to exist in these r/s long term, we have to be willing to have strong boundaries and accept that such boundaries may bring about the end of the r/s.
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« Reply #43 on: December 03, 2014, 10:31:10 AM »

1.  I am posting this on the staying Board because I have been posting here for about 2 years.   If I cave in to her EVERY wish I am sure we can be together for the rest of our lives.

There is no guarantee of this.  pwBPD are experts at moving the goal posts.  It is IMPOSSIBLE to satisfy every wish of hers, because she doesn't even know what her own wishes are.  They change, they contradict - IMPOSSIBLE for you to meet them.  She will still be upset and decide to end the r/s at any time, no matter how much you try to meet her needs.

2.  My BPDw is in a Celebrate Recovery (12 step) program for I don't know what, as well as therapy.    It really hasn't made my life any better and I am sick to death of hearing about her's.  Bottom line on this point:   I CLEARLY matter NOT IN THE LEAST to her.   She is intelligent.  Regardless of this illness, she HAS to intellectually understand she is driving me away.

Mine was in such a recovery program before I met her, and considered going away to some kind of sex addict boot camp.  Same thing in my r/s - I get to hear about how crappy her life is during all waking hours of the day.  And should I complain about one thing that is stressing me, she is right there telling my what I should or shouldn't do.  Very frustrating.  And I know it feels like you don't matter to her.  You probably do matter to her, but not in the way you want.  My SO is intelligent, too.  I know she understands intellectually that she is driving me away.  She expresses this to me, worries about it, knows she has driven partners away in the past, YET CONTINUES THE SAME BEHAVIOR.  That's baffling and frustrating, and lets me know that this is a serious mental illness.  My guess is that if your wife is in therapies and recovery programs, she fully knows she has unhealthy behaviors that drive people away.  She went to the therapy and the recovery program because she is has tried to stop those behaviors on her own and failed. 

4.  This epiphany of mine is best summed up by the words of another:   the pwBPD NEEDS someone to rage, kick and blame, without any consideration for that person.   That punching bag is usually their spouse.   I will pray for her, and I hope I don't go to hell for doing this, but I am leaving her ass.   She can find another poor ass.   I wish her luck.

Your emotions here are completely understandable!  I applaud you on your decisions.  I would suggest, however, to try and let go of some of the raw anger and bitterness before you break it off.  It's hard, but you will be better off for yourself if you can find a way to come to a place where you understand that she has serious mental health issues, that you don't want to live with it, and that you are making the choice for yourself to move on. 
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« Reply #44 on: December 03, 2014, 10:49:45 AM »

Maxsterling,

I am actually not angry at my BPD wife, although I can see how my written words give that appearance.   To another point of yours:  my wife said that she also has a habit of driving people away.   She admitted this with no context, and I did not get the sense that she was thinking of me when she said it.
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« Reply #45 on: December 03, 2014, 11:26:10 AM »

HI,

I agree with Nightmoves.  I know I am still in love at times with my exBPDgf, and many times, I wish I tried this or that, but in the end, and this is my feeling, what are we doing it for?  

Isn't the very point to be happy and love and take care of one another?  Learning tools and ways to handle is extremely helpful, and beneficial to each, but only to a point.  Somewhere, it has to get better, they have to seek treatment and see themselves, become a full partner.  You can't be getting beat on or turn off your feeling in order to defuse them and calm yourself.  You can't be that Zombie, you want, or I think , I do, want to celebrate life.  If the good days far outweigh the bad, stay.  That's just common sense.  Tools help, but only so much, you have to be true to yourself too.    

Otherwise it's 24 hrs, of living with a ticking bomb, and you are a very good bomb expert, hoping everyday, to somehow diffuse it and make it tolerable until they swing the other way, then that's a tough deal week in and week out.

 That, my friends is no way to go through life, yes, for a while, if you can see that they are getting better, but no way to live if that doesn't happen or they can't see this.   Because you need love and care for YOU too!  Staying or leaving depends upon you, and your health (mental & emotional)  .  I  think Mike will make the right choice, when it comes.  He seems to know all the tools, he compassionate, and loving, and deserve that in return.  Right now, is recharging, and is away which is perfect.  Good luck Mike!
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« Reply #46 on: December 03, 2014, 12:18:18 PM »

Max... .

Excellent last post.

Wow... .it actually "pains me" to see that you have become such an expert and so articulate at this disorder.

Pain me - as the ONLY way to get so knowledgeable... .is to be dragged for a long time over the gravel road... .

That said... .I wanted to throw what ... .for me... .(and I see this in so many angst written posts by Non's) ... .my BPDw ... .is HIGHLY skilled in CONVINCING me this is ALL my fault.

I get stronger... .can begin to see I cannot take this anymore... .YET... .as so many of us (if not all of us) WANT THIS TO WORK.

SO ... .when they RAGE out that it is YOU ... .that is responsible for this. YOU to blame for this. When you did this... .or that... .or this... .

For me... .it sends me into a tailspin.

DAMN... .it is ME... .

I am losing this because of me. I made a mistake... .here... .there... .

It is MY fault.

And my resolve to fix it... .do better... .BE better... .NOT lose this ... .kicks in.

And I am in the web... .again... .

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« Reply #47 on: December 03, 2014, 12:49:48 PM »

Excerpt
SO ... .when they RAGE out that it is YOU ... .that is responsible for this. YOU to blame for this. When you did this... .or that... .or this... .

For me... .it sends me into a tailspin.

DAMN... .it is ME... .

I am losing this because of me. I made a mistake... .here... .there... .

It is MY fault.

And my resolve to fix it... .do better... .BE better... .NOT lose this ... .kicks in.

And I am in the web... .again... .

Night, my advice to you wold be to recognize when this starts and say you need a break.  Then stepping away and reaching out here or someone IRL that can help you separate what is you and what is your BPDw.  I know for me, when I am sick that I am more likely to fall prey to manipulation.  Each of us has our own unique triggers for falling into codependent behaviors.  Since you know her raging and blaming you are triggers, make a plan ahead of time how you are going to handle it next time because there will be a next time.
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« Reply #48 on: December 03, 2014, 12:52:26 PM »



Excerpt
Mine was in such a recovery program before I met her, and considered going away to some kind of sex addict boot camp.

Max, IMHO that would probably have been good for her.  People treating sex addiction are more and more well versed in personality disorders.  Most of the help we have gotten has started there.  Most treatment centers these days are dual treatment and will treat a personality disorder along with the sex addiction, which is where my dBPDh was finally diagnosed with BPD.
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« Reply #49 on: December 03, 2014, 12:56:11 PM »

Since you know her raging and blaming you are triggers, make a plan ahead of time how you are going to handle it next time because there will be a next time.

Yes, there always is a next time. I hear a lot of pain from people here and questioning why we continue to subject ourselves to these behaviors. I can choose a metaphor as the aikido master who deflects every blow or I can wonder what need in me created this relationship in the beginning and how does it serve me now?

I get tired of being the one to deflect the attack and I see that my poor relationship history created a need to be idealized at the beginning. I just wasn't aware that I would be demonized later.
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« Reply #50 on: December 03, 2014, 12:58:55 PM »

Excerpt
I can choose a metaphor as the aikido master who deflects every blow or I can wonder what need in me created this relationship in the beginning and how does it serve me now?

I get tired of being the one to deflect the attack and I see that my poor relationship history created a need to be idealized at the beginning. I just wasn't aware that I would be demonized later.

Good insights into yourself.  Sometimes we learn a lesson from a relationship and it is time to move on and sometimes the lesson is for both parties to change.  I am a big believer that both parties can change and heal themselves but it takes 2 for that to happen.
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« Reply #51 on: December 03, 2014, 01:05:01 PM »

I am a big believer that both parties can change and heal themselves but it takes 2 for that to happen.

My husband has taken steps to change and I'm definitely seeing improvement. I guess I'm just at a burnout phase where dealing with some of the craziness has eroded my optimism.
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« Reply #52 on: December 03, 2014, 01:20:05 PM »

Excerpt
I guess I'm just at a burnout phase where dealing with some of the craziness has eroded my optimism.

  I have had plenty of those days, too.  Something you can do to take care of yourself apart from your dBPDh?  Had to learn to focus on that a lot in my own recovery.  Still can get sidetracked taking care of everything in life and forget myself. 
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« Reply #53 on: December 03, 2014, 02:13:09 PM »

Excerpt
I guess I'm just at a burnout phase where dealing with some of the craziness has eroded my optimism.

 I have had plenty of those days, too.  Something you can do to take care of yourself apart from your dBPDh?  Had to learn to focus on that a lot in my own recovery.  Still can get sidetracked taking care of everything in life and forget myself.  

Actually I'm very good at taking care of myself and my husband would claim we live separate lives. Certainly we have different interests--I'm outside most days taking care of animals, the garden, riding horses, fixing things. He's indoors all day, watching TV, buying camera gear, manipulating his photographs on the computer. I go to bed at 10:30 every night and typically sleep by myself since he stays up late.

I'm not one to feel lonely typically because I do have friends, unlike him who is rather socially isolated. I think I'm finally realizing how annoyed I've been for years having to cater to his ever-changing moods. I've learned to overlook my feelings and just get on with things, but with doing therapy and coming to terms with the fact that he's mentally ill, I find that I'm pissed off (at myself) for getting into this situation in the first place.
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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« Reply #54 on: December 03, 2014, 02:43:22 PM »

Excerpt
I find that I'm pissed off (at myself) for getting into this situation in the first place.

  I spent at least a year pissed off, it began about 6 months into therapy and lasted almost a year.   Really helped to work all of that out in therapy and 12 step meetings, turns out I had a right to be angry and having stuffed it for years just led it to exploding.  I feel much better now but boy I could have done some damage there for a while! Smiling (click to insert in post)  I highly suggest sticking with the therapy.
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #55 on: December 03, 2014, 03:14:09 PM »

Excerpt
I find that I'm pissed off (at myself) for getting into this situation in the first place.

  I spent at least a year pissed off, it began about 6 months into therapy and lasted almost a year.   Really helped to work all of that out in therapy and 12 step meetings, turns out I had a right to be angry and having stuffed it for years just led it to exploding.  I feel much better now but boy I could have done some damage there for a while! Smiling (click to insert in post)  I highly suggest sticking with the therapy.

Yeah, it's well worth it for me. We did couples counseling for a year with this woman who is a psychologist who has experience with addictions. I chose her because I needed someone really intelligent that my husband couldn't bamboozle with his extensive lawyer tricks.

It was slightly helpful, but not much improved. It kind of reminded me of when I was in college and worked at what was euphemistically known as a "day treatment center." Basically it was a place where mentally ill people were warehoused during the day so they wouldn't get into trouble. Actually a better option than nowadays when these same people would be homeless.

As part of my job description, I was supposed to help conduct "therapy groups" which were surreal gatherings of people who had situational depression, schizophrenia, autism and a variety of other mental disorders. As you could imagine with such a diverse group, there was no shared narrative and it was a complete waste of time, a lot like doing therapy with him. I spent much of my time there picking up the pills that the "clients" had covertly spit out.

What was helpful with the couples counseling is that the therapist got a really good idea of who my husband is and how difficult it is to communicate with him. On a few occasions, he turned his rage on her too. It became very clear that once he gets dysregulated, he hasn't a shred of compassion for anyone else.

I recently had an epiphany that my lingering rotator cuff injury which happened, before we got together ten years ago, when I was sawing a limb off a tree after receiving a letter from him out of the blue. We had had a brief relationship that didn't go anywhere due to his issues and I had spent years feeling unrequited love that kept me from getting seriously involved with anyone else. So as I'm sawing away, I'm visualizing cutting the heartstrings to him and I tear my rotator cuff.

Like lots of people, I just ignore the injury, thinking it will go away and it does to some extent. But with every movement he makes toward me (and we live hundreds of miles apart), I have recurrent flareups of my initial injury. When he looks for a job locally, I can barely lift my arm. When he moves here, it gets worse. When he moves in with me, it's as bad as it's ever been.

After many years of this, I finally see an orthopedist and have X-rays and an MRI. I'm told to live with it until it gets so bad that I need a full shoulder replacement. After years of physical therapy, it's tolerable for the most part. Yoga helps too.

The interesting thing is that it's been a barometer of my relationship--it's almost like a warning to me when it acts up--like it tried to warn me off of him in the first place. Is this too weird or does anyone else here somatize their emotional issues with actual physical symptoms?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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« Reply #56 on: December 03, 2014, 07:19:44 PM »

 At the end of the day, the Staying Board is all about working out what it is all about, working out what you can do and what you cant. Above all your own values, boundaries and limits.

If you choose to call it a day hopefully you will have utilized this facility to come at your choice in an educated and informed way. We dont have to do any of this, it is a choice, and like any choice we can choose not to. In your heart if you have come to the conclusion that it is not heading towards a place you are likely to be content with you have to follow your heart.

You have tried the 'what ifs', and found the answers so you will not be left wondering or questioning the decision.

This board does not condemn us to Staying, simply asks us to commit to trying our best whilst within a RS.

best of luck with whatever your future holds

Waverider
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  Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
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« Reply #57 on: December 03, 2014, 07:26:27 PM »

Staff only

This thread has reached its post limit, and is now closed. You may start a new thread to continue the conversation if you would like.

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