Would love to know how you react
you don't... .
Now... .what I think you are asking is what do you do... .what do you say. This is a "pre-planned" response... .you need to practice it ahead of time so it seems genuine... . You basically don't get on the roller coaster... .as you SO (significant other) rides by hurling insults and emotional outbursts... ."You basically just kind of look at her going by on the ride and say... ."I'm sorry you are on the ride... "... .(which is true... .and you can honestly say that)... .and then you go on about living a healthy life.
I realize easier said than done... .but... it really is that simple... .but you are not used to "behaving" that way.
So... "I'm sorry you feel that way... " ... .then move right along to ... ."I'm getting a glass of ice water... .would you like one?" Then continue on to another subject you wish to discuss. If she continues to be abusive... .let her know you will be back in 10 minutes.
I too am trying to find out how to deal with the anger that builds in me when horrible accusations are hurled at me.
Move out of the way of the insults. Don't listen.
Think ahead of time... .It's not about you... .so... .don't take it personally.