I feel like I'm in a war zone, where anything I say or do triggers a massive reaction, and it's gotten to be constant, pretty much every day (yhere is never a week that goes by without something significant). Fights last easily for hours, often days, because (1) he has an inability to let things cool off and talk about it later... .everything has to be resolved to his satisfaction before we conclude, and (2) the only way to end it is if he gets exactly what he's asking for. For example, changing the screensaver on my phone triggered him for DAYS last week, because I refused to change it back (a very rare time that I kept my foot down). And it will be so hateful, often with physical lashing out.
I love him, and he's easily the most loving, compassionate, brilliant person I know, and he's VERY committed to working on himself and his issues (except he doesn't admit he has BPD, says it's PTSD). It's been a couple years in this relationship, and I feel completely suffocated. I feel totally controlled and policed in everything I do and say... .yesterday, he flipped out b/c I made plans with a friend without checking with him first. He is extremely, extremely insecure, and is in a constant state of feeling rejected by me, no matter how much reassurance I give, and how much time I spend with him.
I feel like I'm about to lose it. I've tried working on individual issues over time, but it's not working. I've made a list of things that I need, and I'm ready to give him a letter that outlines my requirements for continuing in this relationship. That's scary -- it will totally overwhelm him (as it would anybody, even without BPD), but I don't know what else to do but draw a clear line in the sand. I want to believe it can work, it's heartbreaking to imagine life without him, but I need some very basic peace in my life, freedom to be my authentic self, and ideally at a higher level to have a partner giving me the support I need.
Any advice? I've been so very alone and feel relieved just to have found this board. I particularly appreciate the guidelines (
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56303.0) "Please do not urge participants to exit their relationship. Members post here to find solutions to difficult relationships. Please allow them the opportunity."
Thank you so much, just for reading... .sending love and light to all of you. XO
