You called him with an urgent matter from the mall, but couldn't talk about it at the time because it was a busy place that you called from. He called you back while you were on the other line and you purposely didn't answer his call because you've "relaxed" on these rules of engagement. He said he'd call you in the morning. All kinds of thoughts swirled through your head about why you couldn't/shouldn't call him back. Then he canceled the meet up. More swirling thoughts ensued... . Along with a strained text exchange.
To me, it's making mountains out of molehills.
First, this is a situation that we have needed to talk about for some time (around which some new issues had arisen) that he is avoiding bc he is avoiding having to take responsibility. He is also avoiding talking about the terms around the dance for the same reason. He is aware that all this needs to be discussed and has accepted that but he keeps ignoring that wanting to arrange dance practice and I have said we need to talk first. So this was what was going to be discussed on Mon or Tue.
No I didn't want to have a phone convo with him, this is true, bc I am convinced he would misconstrue something and dysregulate. When he called me I was one the phone. Had I not been on the phone I would have picked up but as he left a message that he would call me back and I didn't want to discuss it on the phone - which he is aware of - I didn't call him back. As I mentioned to formflier, discussing important things on the phone with him is not a good idea and usually does not work out to anybody's advantage. I rang and was totally flexible as to when we could meet. We live only a 5-minute walk from each other and he could have come around had he wanted to.
When I say I have relaxed these former 'rules' I mean
his rules bc they are unreasonable and also only work one way, his way. He once threw a fit bc I had the phone on charger when he called me and I had milk on the stove that was about to boil over and I asked him to hang on for just a second.
If I have already told him I am not willing to discuss this over the phone, he knows the gist of it anyway, I have been flexible as to when, he has the option of coming around to my house that same evening, and he leaves a message that he will call me the next day, I still have to accommodate him and second guess what he might be feeling? That doesn't sound like a very healthy approach to me.
All I did was hold him to his own words that he would call back the next day. He knows what this concerns just not the details, though it may obviously seem as though he doesn't since I have not revealed that in this thread,
but he does know.
I wonder what would have happened if you had sent a text (after listening to his voicemail) saying, "Hi! Got your message, thanks for calling back. In brief, it's concerning exact details about such and such, which is important and so much easier for me to explain in person. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!
Hope you're having a nice night."
Like I have said, what it was about I had already told him over the phone just not these new details, that I only wanted to talk about in person. He knows why.
This is something that cannot easily be discussed over the phone which he also knows and we have talked about that several times. He has agreed to meet before about this situation but then always changed or cancelled or wanted to discuss it over the phone or otherwise been difficult. He is not an easy person to talk to over the phone. So he knew this.
If this is something that has been discussed several times in the past, then what makes you think it will be different this time around?
Because we still haven't met to talk about this. All we have talked about is that it needs to be talked about. I am sorry if this is confusing bc I am not revealing what it is, but I really don't feel comfortable doing that here.
