Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 06:33:59 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Things we can't ignore
What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
Why We Struggle in Our Relationships
Is Your Relationship Breaking Down?
Codependency and Codependent Relationships
93
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: I have a boyfriend with BPD and desparately need honest advice.  (Read 339 times)
jmh
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1


« on: December 08, 2014, 02:03:08 PM »

I have been dating my boyfriend with BPD for a little over a year now and it was amazing in the beginning, but just continued to get rockier and rockier.  Long story short, he has broken up with me so many times because he says that he is in a triggered state and cannot heal around me.  To add to this, I have BPD as well, but I have been very dedicated to therapy, medication, and exercise.  All of those things have helped me tremendously and I never have an issue being a support for him.  So now for probably the 6th time, he has dumped me, four months after we get our first place together.  He has been in an awful state for about two of them, says that he cannot heal in the space that we have built.  He says that I make it too difficult for him and he has come to realize that he is just not good at relationships.  So he has not yet, but has decided, and I agree, that he should move out.  We have realized that whatever we are doing is not working, and something has to change.  After dumping me, he came to me, and said that he realized that we skipped the important phase of truly dating each other and moved right in with each other.  He said that we should live separately and focus on rebuilding our friendship.  In addition to this, he is the kind of guy, that when a relationship is actually over, he cuts absolutely all ties.  So at this point I am trying to do what is best and healthy for me.  I love him so very much, but I just do not know what to expect from this.  We of course had the talk about not dating other people.  Someone please help me if you have possibly been in a scenario such as this one.  I don't know what to do anymore.
Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Grey Kitty
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Separated
Posts: 7182



« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2014, 11:16:17 PM »

How goes his plan to move out?

Does he have a place to go? Does he have a scheduled departure date? Have you given him a deadline?

Can you nail down the end of this current phase before you have to figure out what the next one looks like?

There are some members who did separate for a while, then get back together successfully after their partner went through a lot of therapy. Most of the ones I recall are doing so well that they haven't been active here in months or years. I think some of them posted in the "Success Stories" thread.
Logged
123Phoebe
Staying and Undecided
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 2070



« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2014, 05:30:17 AM »

Hi jmh   Sorry to hear you're going through a pretty rough time right now, all the unknowing... .

How goes his plan to move out?

Does he have a place to go? Does he have a scheduled departure date? Have you given him a deadline?

Can you nail down the end of this current phase before you have to figure out what the next one looks like?

Grey Kitty raises a good point.  Is his move-out being implemented, or is it in the talky-talk stage?

So he has not yet, but has decided, and I agree, that he should move out.  We have realized that whatever we are doing is not working, and something has to change.  After dumping me, he came to me, and said that he realized that we skipped the important phase of truly dating each other and moved right in with each other.  He said that we should live separately and focus on rebuilding our friendship. 

Sounds like your bf has given this a lot of thought and has come upon his own truth.  Would you agree with this?  Do you feel it was too much, too soon, moving in with each other?

Please stick around jmh, and continue to post your concerns.  Even if we've not experienced the exact same scenario as yours, a lot of our feelings and expectations are a pretty close match.  Enough, to offer quite a bit of support!

One little piece of advice... . 

I don't know what to do anymore.

It's okay to not know what to do!  Sometimes the best thing to do is just sit with that feeling of not knowing.  Ew, it's hard.  But with it brings peace and clarity.

Welcome

Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!