From BPD viewpoint

[Mie]

Trying to understand BPD also by reading what they say.

This blog

www.downwardspiralintothevortex.com

gave me a couple of thoughts

A) I don't know anything about those feelings! I don't have this 'dark dimension' at all. I can't relate to this writer at all myself. How can I ever understand? Or should I? Is it enough just to show sympathy and empathy and be true?

B) How far does it have to go? This writer, Haven, is an emotional disaster (her words) and has really hit the bottom and after that started to look for help.

There have been moments in our relationship when I had to make decisions and moves which I didn't like but were necessary to stop everything we have going down the drain. I did it for me as well as for him. If only we weren't so much involved with each other technically/financially, would I just watch him destroy everything out of impulse?

Well, there's more but I stop here.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Crumbling]

I've learned to read the signs in my BPDh.  I can tell by his words and actions where he is in his head.  That doesn't me I understand him, good God, no!  I've accepted that I'm never going to understand him.  That doesn't need to stand in the way of us having a relationship.  He doesn't understand me a lot of the time either.  You've heard the saying, women are from Venus and men are from Mars?  Even without BPD in the mix, understanding is a difficult thing.

What I've gained understanding in is reading where he is, being able to get that one step ahead, and armor myself before he has a chance to get a rise out of me.  I'm not always successful, but it does help.  You will gain so much more strength as you turn from figuring him out and fixing him to building your own toolbox and practising self awareness.  Learning about the disease can be viewed as getting a new tool for your toolbox, or used to reflect on the person you are with. 

Make this about you, Mie, and it will be so much more valuable to you!

I love that you hunger for knowledge and insight and ponderings of the human psyche.  It shows how committed and driven you are. 

Go Mie Go!