Setting boundaries, will that make her come back one day?

[Issy]

Hi,

How much chance is there with setting firm boundaries she'll come back? She is now in silent treatment with me. I will have to take distance, but will tell her I'm here when she is willing to communicate in a loving and respectful way to me again.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maxsterling]

Setting boundaries is necessary for you to maintain yourself and keep from being overrun in a dysfunctional relationship, whether it be this r/s, the next one, or relationships with your family.  Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make her come back.  What she decides to do with her life is completely up to her, and no matter how you change your behavior or attitudes, you can't force any kind of change in her.  I know how crushing that feels, because obviously you miss her and want her back - but I think that is the reality you must face.  About the best you can do is send a kind note her way that you care about her, and leave it at that. 

[formflier]

 

Can you describe the boundary use would like to use?

[Issy]

Can you describe the boundary use would like to use?

Well good you ask, because it's kind of new for me and I am not fully aware of my boundaries yet, but I think there have now been crossed (I've probably let it slip ): 3.

First one was I wasn't allowed to talk with her about crises we went through. (I've already adressed that to her, but without real consequences for her)

Second is she rages by using silent treatment (I've already adressed that to her, but without real consequences for her)

Third, she hurts me tremendously by sayings and actions on social media I'm trying to avoid but still get to me, for example it seems like I've been replaced or admitting to enjoy being crazy. (a.k.a. enjoying hurting me?)

I want to tell her I am hurt by seeing that stuff on social media and by her silent treatment and I wish to be heard, though I think I am just going to tell her the first reason (the social media thing) because that is what I am going to do, remove her from my social media accounts, so I don't have to see it anymore. I've held on for too long already, trying to avoid it and ignoring it but it hurts now so badly for the fifth time, I have to end this and this is hard for me, because I don't want to loose her at all.

So what do you think?

Thank you for your answers, much helpful

[formflier]

 

What is the difference in a boundary... .and a rule?

[Issy]

I know what that is, I've read a lot about that

[formflier]

I know what that is, I've read a lot about that

Good... then  work through your bigger post above... .and let us know what parts are boundaries that you will enforce... and what parts are rules... that you expect your partner to live by.

The difference is huge... .sometimes people get those a bit confused... .which is why I want to make sure that you have it right.