new low

[Depression = 72% of members]

Not a good day. Had another wonderful dinner conversation with my UBPDW last night. Withstood another avalanche of blaming,anger etc. On top of that I have a strong feeling that she may be in a relationship with a coworker. For me that would push me over the top.  Feeling as low as possible right now... .

[4kidz]

Not a good day. Had another wonderful dinner conversation with my UBPDW last night. Withstood another avalanche of blaming,anger etc. On top of that I have a strong feeling that she may be in a relationship with a coworker. For me that would push me over the top.  Feeling as low as possible right now... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[committedtobpdgf]

Hope that she isn't cheating... .that would be awful to deal with. Hope you're ok.

[Grey Kitty]

  It sounds really tough.

Withstood another avalanche of blaming,anger etc.

Do you try to just take the blaming/anger/etc.?

Have you tried to enforce a boundary of going away or at least ending the conversation when this starts?

[4kidz]

we were in a restaurant that thankfully was not that crowded. Unfortunately I have been through this numerous times before. I typicallly try to do anything to defuse the embarrassment of other people staring at us. Most times I let the situation diminish and look to meekly leave the restaurant together. I believe that if I were to get up and leave the situation would escalate within the restaurant. Talk about a no win situation... .

   Thinking of contacting an attorney for a consult. This is eating me alive. I find myself slipping slowly into depression... .

[ColdEthyl]

I'm so sorry, hun  How do you feel about when she's doing that in a restaurant, you tell her calmly that we are not going to have a discussion like that here, and if it continues, you will leave? If you get up to go... .oh yes it will piss her off for sure, but let her look like a fool alone. Maybe the embarrassment will cause her to think about it next time.

Any time you start putting boundaries into place, it's just like children. They will get worse before it gets better.

[4kidz]

knowing her she would rage within the restaurant. she has no shame when she is triggered. Therefore I try to ride it out and calm it down without saying so. Saying so would throw fuel on the fire. Been there dun  that... Thanks for responding. I appreciate it...

[Grey Kitty]

I was going to suggest that you do exactly what ColdEthyl suggested.

I'd add that if you think telling her you will leave would cause her to immediately turn the rage up to 11, skip that part.

Stand up and say "I'm going home." And walk out and go home.

knowing her she would rage within the restaurant. she has no shame when she is triggered. Therefore I try to ride it out and calm it down without saying so. Saying so would throw fuel on the fire. Been there dun  that... Thanks for responding. I appreciate it...

Let her do that.

If you've already gone, it isn't your problem.

[waverider]

I typicallly try to do anything to defuse the embarrassment of other people staring at us. Most times I let the situation diminish and look to meekly leave the restaurant together.

This is crippling your ability to look after your own interests. She knows that, and is using it.

You need to break a few eggs to make an omelette.

Much the same as a tantrum in a car if you are not willing to stop the car.