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Author Topic: Custody eval back finally  (Read 358 times)
bravhart1
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 653


« on: January 11, 2015, 12:53:09 PM »

We got the custody eval back. Not great, but some good changes.

In a nutshell nothing bad about our family. UBPDmom must undergo rigid court appointed therapy for "boundary issues" and no change in legal or primary custody. ( we still have it, at least for the next year) she must wait until her court therapist and child therapist both agree she is "better" before asking for more time. Eval noted mom may overstate her virtue, has boundary issues and is engaging in name calling and negative speak to six year old. Also noted is the eval found her to be less than credible when faced with untruths she adamantly denied she lied even when he had her dead to rights. All stuff she must work on in therapy.

She gets a little time back, about two more days a month. And we are strongly urged to select a special master ( which we have been asking for for three years, but mom won't agree to)

Bottom line it wasn't a very strong recommendation against her, but we didn't bring much to the table to show him her " crazy" at the advise of our attorney. If I had to do it over I would have spelled it out in more detail. I honestly thought he would find it on his own and it would be stronger if he came to the conclusion on his own, but that didn't happen. Live and learn.

There was an article or something on here I believe I read or was referenced to that was about writing visitation orders with BPD parents that laid out possible pitfalls or areas of manipulation, can anyone help me find that?

Thanks for your help.
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enlighten me
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3289



« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2015, 02:57:19 PM »

Hi brave glad it went your way. These things are nerve wracking as your never quite sure what will happen. Has your ex been formally diagnosed as BPD? If so I dont think any professional worth their salt would recomend changes after only one year of treament.

Good luck in the future you seem to be doing everything right. EM.
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bravhart1
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
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« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2015, 03:39:22 PM »

I'm step mom. Bio mom is not diagnosed. Eval did psych testing and would only say as to her results that she does not have any psychosis, in other words she knows what she is doing.

I just don't think evaluator really got what she has been putting us through. But he was clear she must pass muster with her therapist and with her child's therapist to get anything back. He even put in the report she must acknowledge where she has previously gone wrong, which he either thought she would do, or he knew she would have a really hard time with ( what I think) and that would slow her down. I almost wish I could meet with him to discuss his findings, and whether he really didn't get her problems or he saw them and couched his findings in his own " therapist" speech, so she wouldn't feel maligned.

Glad it's over and I'm over all not unhappy with the report.

I guess it was too much to hope for that he would come out with a report that said " this terrorist is bat $hit crazy and should be ashamed of her self and what's she has done to bravharts family over the last three years"  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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david
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« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2015, 10:59:37 AM »

Keep documenting.
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livednlearned
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Relationship status: Married
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« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2015, 03:01:09 PM »

I wonder why your L told you to hold back? What the... .?

Even when the parent does suffer from psychosis, and substance abuse, and mental illness -- even when those things are documented and even when the person admits to those behaviors, the courts still hedge on the side of keeping the parental relationship intact. Gah! You could have loaded up on everything under the sun and the evaluator would probably still hedge.

This is so cynical of me, which I am not prone to be, but I noticed in my own case that it wasn't until N/BPDx started to target officers of the court that things started to work in my favor. Only when N/BPDx's behavior impacted them directly did they sit up and take notice. Suddenly we were all on the page.

N/BPDx had a severe 24-hour long psychotic episode with my son in the house, fully documented in 100+ texts, emails, voice mails, and IMs, and all we end up with is a parenting coordinator? Really? How is that going to help my son when he's alone in the house with a drunk psychotic father? But when N/BPDx began to target the PC and threaten to report her, suddenly she wanted out of the contract and said he was impossible to work with. Thanks to N/BPDx targeting the PC, my lawyer, and his own lawyer, I end up with full custody. Not because of what N/BPDx was doing to S13.

Gah.



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