I love him so much and it hurts so bad to let go, but I am tired

[fullthrottle]

I have a boyfriend who thinks I am borderline and I believe he is a sociopath.  He has told me that he was diagnosed with social anxiety and bi-polar, anyway we’re both apparently pretty messed up.

We were going out for six months. I was clean and sober for 4 years working part time counseling and just got an associates degree and starting on my bachelors. Life was finally good I was optimistic about my future. My bf (who I had a crush on sense I was about 10 years old) had gone through a divorce and a few other hardships within a three month time span.

Well we got together he cheated on me practically in front of my face.

I was devastated and pretty much checked out. Have never experienced such a state before. I was drunk and we were texting.  I told him he would find me hanging in his tree at lunch time. He came right away to my house and I was crying and he coldly sat and looked at me like he could careless and then walked away so I grabbed a knife and sat on his porch and cut my wrist in front of him asking him is this what you want?

I had no intentions of killing myself and I realize my behavior was irrational in hindsight. He called the police, emergency whatever. I tried to get in my car and flee but he jumped in and wouldn't let me so I ran the police got me, I ended up in community mental health.

So I told the police about his drug use and he worked for the govt.  So they reported him and an investigation ensued he was court marshaled but ended being cleared.

Anyway 6 months later he came back said he knew what he wanted and wasn't confused anymore.  I still stayed but I question everything he does. He swears he loves me and has done nothing wrong. He also talks regularly to some other females and hides it from me. Anyway he has a lot of secrets. But he tries to say my reasoning is abnormal. He thinks I should trust him even though I argue that he hasn't kept any of his promises hasn't respected my feeling and hasn't acted in a trustworthy manner. We ended up fighting as he defended all of his friends lack of honor and did the finger pointing and name calling thing at me. I didn't want to argue I just wanted to settle it. It is simple if he wants to continue on that path with those friends then It isn't going to work because I refuse to be subjected to anymore.  

I have all the symptoms of a victim of a sociopath because for some reason I love him so much and it hurts so bad to let go, but I am tired. So please weigh in.  Which one of us being logical here?

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[SlyQQ]

Either, or an both are possible my ex who is BPD accused me of being a sociopath ( i am not ) but that was after break up its pretty messed but up you will need an INDEPENDANT 3rd party to have any chance of sorting it out not just someone you tell things too ( NOT your therapist either i would guess they are easily fooled in my expierience )