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Author Topic: I'm her best friend, and she really loves me... but  (Read 920 times)
Grey Kitty
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« on: January 28, 2015, 11:00:41 AM »

My wife flew to Texas on Saturday and drove back Monday and Tuesday. (~1000 miles) Long story involving helping a friend... .

Our MC asked us to avoid long drawn out processing conversations, instead to talk for ~1/2 hour twice a week about our homework assignment, a short audiobook "Holding on to yourself in realitionships"

We had one really good discussion as directed before I took her to the airport.

We had an hour long late night phone call when she was in texas. [Processing; I tried to stop/resist badly]

Last night she got in late ~11pm. I had made a sweet salty snack to share. We had a pretty good evening before turning in to cuddle for the night. (I successfully turned us away from a conversation she knew she was too sleepy to do skillfully)

This morning I got up, and made coffee for us when her 7:30 alarm went off--I was awake. Soon we were sitting up in bed and having another processing conversation. (Sigh!)

She had previously told me she wasn't committed to our relationship. (last part, I think) I was relieved to have it out in the open--her behavior was clear on that count.

This time, in a fairly calm, open moment, she said "I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with you."

No fighting, no screaming, not even blaming or accusing. (We haven't done that for a couple years)

She also said that she's been feeling this way for a while, but has been afraid to tell me because she didn't want to hurt me.

In the same conversation she also said that I'm her best friend, and she really loves me.

She also cited a story from Robert Fulgum where he talked to people on some island in Greece about the phrase "making love." For Americans it means sex. For them it is completely different. They have arranged marriages there, and for them it means choosing to do loving things with/for this person to build a loving relationship with them.

I told her I needed to curl up alone for a while. (The part about crying didn't need to be said.) So I dove back under the blankets, head and all. Listening while she bustled around and packed her stuff for her drive back home. I told her to take some of the snacks I'd made--it was way too much for me, and the person whose house she is staying at would love it, she said.

She came back up to say good bye at a distance. I asked her if it was "so long" or "goodbye". She came closer, wanting to comfort me... .and knowing that she couldn't do much.

I was kinda waiting for her to drive off--Wanting to be safe to have my own feelings and not need to worry about how she reacted, responded, or felt about them. (Around here she did say she felt like ___... .in a way that sounded sad, not like she was beating herself up.)

Finally she did. I caught a glimpse of her driving out. After a bit I got up. I took off my wedding ring and put it away for safekeeping. I went and took a long hot shower. More thinking and crying. Now I'm writing this.




There are a lot of things I've felt, wanted to say, etc. My first reaction is to think of something I can do or say that will make it all better and make all these difficult feelings go away. I'm listing a few here... .and while some of them may become an action plan, and some I've already done, that isn't what this list is for. I'm looking at the places I go to as a way of coping with this.

I've taken off my ring before. Other times when I'm feeling betrayed or rejected like this. Previously, I've given it back to my wife. One time I was thinking of putting it somewhere it would be destroyed. Looking back I've realized that neither of those was healthy. This time I'm just letting myself experience the occasional uncomfortable feeling that it isn't there... .and wonder if anybody will notice its absence.

That brings up a sad little fantasy I've had when I'm feeling really down before. I am in a world of hurt. I will be out in public with people I don't know very well. I imagine somebody noticing that I'm hurting, and approaching me in a way that shows that they care,  talking to me, perhaps giving me a hug and comforting me. I go here now and again. The really strange part is that one time I was there, during as dark a time as this one... .and a stranger did reach out to me... .and I chose to keep my feeling inside and gently rebuff it rather than opening up.

At least today, I'm not feeling strong enough to keep on trying to 'make love' for my wife. I may be done with that. I'm not getting what I need from her in that way.

I will try to be receptive to what she offers me still. If she is willing to step up, I'm still eager to jump back in.

I've thought of proposing--asking if she will marry me. (Long story... .she proposed to me and always wanted me to propose to her after I accepted. (Or wished I'd asked her instead of saying "yes".) It felt weird to ask the question knowing the answer to me. If I asked the question today, I wouldn't know her answer, at least.)

If I do, I am thinking I will add the second question, possibly before she answers: Can we get somebody less codependent than the couple who married us last time to officiate Smiling (click to insert in post) [Another long story]

I'm thinking of demanding/asking that she give me ownership of our boat now, so I can move forward in my life without her.

I'm thinking about the "best friend" comment. When my marriage is ending (or just on the edge of the cliff!), I'd want to get comfort from my best friend. Obviously, my wife isn't that kind of best friend at a time like that!

And I shouldn't be that kind of "best friend" for her either.

I think of saying things about  how I'll need to cut nearly all ties with her for now to heal from the ending, instead of being her best friend. Do I want to say that because it is true, and something that she deserves to hear from me? [I've kinda said it already]

Or do I want to say it out of hope of forcing her to choose between a romantic r/s with me and no r/s with me? That won't go well--she's kinda made choices feeling under duress for 26 years in our marriage, and is done with it.

... .Continued from https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=241137.0;all
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ColdEthyl
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« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2015, 11:19:13 AM »

Awwww... .GK... ./hug

I am so so sorry.  I have no pearls of wisdom, just know you are in my thoughts, and I am sorry you are in pain
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« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2015, 11:27:55 AM »

I second that.  Sorry GK.  I hope you find some peace through this.  The best friend comment sounds like, "I don't want you (right now), but I don't want to lose you either.  Can't have it both ways.
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ColdEthyl
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« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2015, 11:34:59 AM »

I second that.  Sorry GK.  I hope you find some peace through this.  The best friend comment sounds like, "I don't want you (right now), but I don't want to lose you either.  Can't have it both ways.

Yeah... .I'm getting that vibe, too. I think you have some seriously tough emotions and decision to go through. If you decide to give her the most of a chance that you guys have... .I honestly think it will have to be a romantic relationship, or no relationship. You don't deserve to be left hanging on a string. I don't believe it will ever be a good idea for you to try to be friends with her. That... .that would be too painful. 
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« Reply #4 on: January 28, 2015, 11:37:04 AM »

     

That is rough. I have been on both sides of the "I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with you." I have said it to my husband a couple of times and he has said it to me a couple of times. It isn't easy to hear and it isn't easy to say it.
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« Reply #5 on: January 28, 2015, 11:38:07 AM »

GK I am really sorry. This is sad.

What might be helpful in the processing of 'an ending' is the clarity with which your wife was able to speak to you about how she felt and want she no longer wants. She has been saying it in different ways for a while now, but not in such an unambiguous way.

I hope you can find a way to move on with your life that also includes sole possession of your boat.
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« Reply #6 on: January 28, 2015, 12:12:49 PM »

  Thanks, everybody!

I didn't ask for answers. I have all the answers I need, just have to pick it up and use it when I'm ready... .thanks for offering me hugs instead.

It does change things for me--there is no getting around that.

It also represents what my wife has been thinking/feeling for a while and was afraid to tell me. So there is a teeny tiny glimmer of hope in that. Kinda like when she told me she wasn't committed to the r/s a while back.

I said something about seeing the MC a bit earlier; She wanted to "stay the course" he last recommended, ~two more weeks of having brief conversations about the homework.

I'm not doing anything different about that today either. I may in a day or two.

I'm pretty sure I can't do anything but act exactly the way she said she wanted... .like I'm not in a romantic r/s with her... .whatever that means to me.
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« Reply #7 on: January 28, 2015, 12:23:29 PM »

What would happen if your wife just left, right now, without further struggle, and began immediately to experience life as a mid-life woman with men lining up to court her, but with no husband?

Would she sow her wild oats and come back in time? Would you want her to?

I can't help but feel that the more powerful gesture right now (in favor of your eventual union) would be to let her go. 
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Grey Kitty
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« Reply #8 on: January 28, 2015, 01:28:01 PM »

What would happen if your wife just left, right now, without further struggle, and began immediately to experience life as a mid-life woman with men lining up to court her, but with no husband?

Well... .she is still pretty enmeshed with me. Both emotionally... .and shared belongings and mingled finances.

I don't know if she wants to sow wild oats... .or just wants to have a court of suitors.

I do know I'm ready for a better level of emotional maturity and commitment than I'm seeing right now. I don't plan to 'wait around' for her if/when we split. If I go away, it becomes not my issue.

I've seen some comments about situations like this... .where I'm married to her but she isn't married to me... .working well for her. There sure is a truth in that. If I'm willing to put up with that, I sure can't expect her to put it to an end!
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« Reply #9 on: January 28, 2015, 01:46:31 PM »

Your situation makes me think of the term "gamey," as it was sometimes used by emeritus board member Steph. As in someone's behavior being "gamey."

Not that you intend to be playing a game, mind you.

But things you've written: "I dodged a bullet," "She dropped a bomb," "a game of chicken," and even "neener neener" (that was your wife, of course).

Without the safety and cover of being a married woman, the game will likely change dramatically for your wife.

I guess I just feel that your hand is strong, but you've gotta "know when to hold 'em," or some gambler wisdom like that. If it is a game.

And if it's not, hasn't she just spoken truth? 

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« Reply #10 on: January 28, 2015, 02:19:34 PM »

 

Hugs!   

Stay the course GK. 

Couple of things... .

It could be her truth (for now)... .or it could be something she has thought about a long time.

Or... .it could have been an attempt to bait you... or to hurt you.

Ultimately... .you will never know for sure.

I thought it interesting that she was talking about what she "wanted".  Did she say that she would not do that for a while... .and see if feelings change... .come back.

Remember... .feelings come and go. 
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« Reply #11 on: January 28, 2015, 02:43:20 PM »

 

I hope someone on Team GK can give you an actual in person hug right now. Sounds like you're in the middle of an emotional hurricane. While romance may be spoken differently in any culture, it only really matters how you define romance and how you define your needs around that concept.

Do you need to be romantic in the more traditional sense with your wife? (I believe the answer is yes for you.)

It is possible that she will change her mind at some point but it seems like you really need to think about what YOU want and need and not her. I think that is the best thing to focus on right now.

And of course take your time feeling all the feelings that are coming up as this is very fresh and a lot to sit with in itself. I hope you're able to take care of yourself right now when you need it most and reach out to those who can help you do so. 

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« Reply #12 on: January 28, 2015, 02:53:38 PM »

It could be her truth (for now)... .or it could be something she has thought about a long time. ... .

Remember... .feelings come and go. 

This is what I was thinking as well. I know I have been in that "I can't be in a romantic relationship with you place." I have even said that to my husband. Part of it was me trying to own my own feelings and another part of it was to see if I would get some kind of reaction out of him. In my case, my husband seems to mirror everything that I do.

Last night, I opened the door for some physical intimacy and he walked right through. It was great and wonderful but it still doesn't erase all of the pain and hurt that I feel over the things that have happened. I am still not certain that I can be in a long term relationship with him because there still isn't any trust and there is still something missing. Not sure if it is some kind of fundamental compatibility or if it is that I have fallen out of love or what.

The hardest part is acknowledging that I have invested so much time in my husband but I don't feel he has that same level of investment. It is hard because part of me has wanted to pull the trigger and end things but the truth is that I can't. I can't bring myself to do it. Figured I would offer some food for thought. That fact that she IS struggling with this is a good sign for what it's worth. 
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Grey Kitty
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« Reply #13 on: January 28, 2015, 05:19:36 PM »

I'm feeling more at peace this evening. Sadly none of Team Grey Kitty is close enough for a physical hug. The best I've got today is a teddy bear. One team member that I'd been text-chatting a bit with this morning did call me to check in... .and was pretty happily amazed to hear me sounding upbeat just now.

I think I'm feeling more of the peace that comes from the fake stuff dropping away. Honestly, I kinda knew that my wife was acting this way. I would rather her be putting distance and saying that she is putting distance than love-bombing me and pushing me away at the same time... .less confusing.

@FF, I think she's been feeling this way for a while... .but that doesn't mean that she's certain/resolved in the feeling.

Actually she is still sounding confused--and more openly acknowledging her confusion. So maybe she will work though it and find clarity. Or maybe not.

Meanwhile... .I'm still planning to give her 'till at least the middle, if not the end of February to make up her mind.

... .and I'm putting the romance program on mostly on hold. If I'm not in a romantic r/s with her, it doesn't really work.

... .and if she's trying to get distance from me, it is better to stay put and let her go as far as she wants to go away from me... .If I chase her, she won't even know what it feels like to be away.
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Grey Kitty
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« Reply #14 on: January 28, 2015, 05:24:55 PM »

And I forgot to mention one of the "best parts" about how I'm feeling today.

I absolutely won't share this with her... .but she has said that she's broken, or that she doesn't think she can live up to my standards (fidelity/etc.)... .and I'm starting to think that perhaps she is right.

I'm starting to live differently. And I want the people who are in my life around me to meet a higher standard. Honestly, she's not living up to my standards anymore. If she isn't able to clear the new bar... .or isn't in a training program to get her over it... .then it will be for the best that I move on.

And I'm finding a bit of peace with that possibility.

(And still have the end of a r/s of 26 years--over half my life to grieve.)
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« Reply #15 on: January 28, 2015, 05:49:38 PM »

Grey Kitty, you have been a rock for me during some of my battles and I just want to give you a big   right now too.

You know from my posts that I'm battling with the "best friends" situation and although I can't imagine how difficult it is for you right now given that you have been in your r/s much longer than me, I do understand that feeling of being placed in limbo. Wanted but not wanted, wanted to provide a need but not wanted enough to have your own needs met.

As you have told me on many occasions, its about how they feel right now. You know that could change today, tomorrow, next week etc... But it doesn't stop it hurting right now in the present.

I do wish you all the best because you truly are a great guy who deserves your happiness and surrounded by many people who want so much for you 
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« Reply #16 on: January 28, 2015, 05:54:05 PM »

Wow, Grey Kitty, you're on your way.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) I hope the universe can show you some much better stuff, very soon.
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« Reply #17 on: January 28, 2015, 06:03:17 PM »

I sent my wife this link... .in an email, after our late night phone call, before I saw her. I'm pretty sure she got to reading it today.

www.awakeningtogether.com/equal_and_unequal.htm

Just got this in email:

Excerpt
Yes, it is very interesting, and I will probably reread it several times over the next few days.

This was the quote that struck me:

" My partner and I experience frustration when trying to "work things out" before establishing an emotionally safe atmosphere."

Thank you for working with me to establish an emotionally safe atmosphere.

love,

[Ms. Grey Kitty]

Aside: The link is worth checking out here.
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« Reply #18 on: January 28, 2015, 07:23:28 PM »

Grey Kitty, you truly are a wonderful guy. I'm sorry you're hurting now, but you can cherish the relief of clarity instead of ambiguity. I hope that life will provide you with some unexpected support over the coming days.   
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« Reply #19 on: January 28, 2015, 07:57:26 PM »

GK, I am sorry.    You seem to be holding up pretty well, while still addressing your feelings over this.  You are an inspiration!
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« Reply #20 on: January 29, 2015, 10:24:48 AM »

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) oops! I tried to check that link at work and I got an adult/pornography block darn it. *writes it down*

I put in 14 years with my ex-husband, and I grieving what was half of my life at the time. It is terribly difficult... .it's all we know. Time is seriously the only thing that can help with the loss. Looking back now, that part of my life feels like a completely different person to me. I don't miss him, I don't miss that time... .but man did I when it first fell.

You are stronger than you know, GK. You are smart and funny, and you will find your place in this world /hug Smiling (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #21 on: January 29, 2015, 11:07:21 AM »

  Again, thanks for the support folks!

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) oops! I tried to check that link at work and I got an adult/pornography block darn it. *writes it down*

Usually I warn about things that are NSFW... .Like Dan Savage's columns which I mention now and again! The article is on the website of a couple who do r/s therapy for couples, and I doubt there is a lot of explicit sex stuff in their workshops, and didn't see any on their website.

Those internet censors sure aren't very good!
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« Reply #22 on: January 29, 2015, 11:10:12 AM »

 Again, thanks for the support folks!

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) oops! I tried to check that link at work and I got an adult/pornography block darn it. *writes it down*

Usually I warn about things that are NSFW... .Like Dan Savage's columns which I mention now and again! The article is on the website of a couple who do r/s therapy for couples, and I doubt there is a lot of explicit sex stuff in their workshops, and didn't see any on their website.

Those internet censors sure aren't very good!

Dude... .my work blocks Gamestop and Deadspin as "gambling sites" and they categorize "Cracked.com" as pornopgrahpic... .they suck Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #23 on: January 29, 2015, 05:01:54 PM »

Hi GK,

I read what happened and I didn't have time to read all responses and exchanges but I wanted to bring something up.  It may or may not have any application to your situation, but, it's so in line with my current studies right now, I want to throw it out there.

Excerpt
She also said that she's been feeling this way for a while, but has been afraid to tell me because she didn't want to hurt me.

In the studies I'm doing right now, re: training for therapists who want to specialize in high level couples counseling, the entire thrust of the training is not that couples sometimes have horrible experiences like:

falling out of love with one another

hating each other at times

losing connection and romance

growing apart


and a host of other feelings and at times, actions, that can feel devastating to learn about... .

the thrust of the training isn't about how THESE things ruin marriages.

The thrust of the training, is about how when couples can't share with one another how they really feel (which obviously is fluid over time for all of us)... .and they hide... .

When they hide, the couple connection is broken.

and it's the broken connection leads to the end of the marriage.

It is in marriages where two people can share what is going on deep inside them, in real time (not after sitting on it for years or having multiple affairs) and where they both can provide a safe container for whatever is shared... .no matter what... .

Those are the couples who rebuild connection over and over again.

So, I don't know if this is the end, or not.

I think when we are in adult relationships, we have to get to the place where we have the strength to hear things that are very painful to hear.  Because, it's when we get to that place, that couples really start to re-connect.  Even when what was shared feels really, really hurtful.  Something magical often seems to happen between people who do the hard work of being able to share anything.  The 'anything' begins to become smaller, and the juice and connection of being able to share w/out fear... .begins to shift something positive for both people.

The couples who can't do this, b/c they get too injured, become to reactive,  take it too personally, get too defensive, etc., such that they can't stay present to really listen deeply and stay curious to learn more about this different person's private logic and unique felt experience... .that is what leads to ongoing breaks in connection.  That's what leads to disconnection and often to divorce.

I don't know how this is going to play out.  But she is saying she has felt something for a long time but was too afraid to tell you.  Now she is telling you.  That's a good thing, even if it's hard to hear. 

If this doesn't apply at all to your situation, just put it aside for another day.

Best to you.     


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« Reply #24 on: January 29, 2015, 05:15:34 PM »

 

MaybeSO

I can see some of the dynamic that you are talking about playing out in my r/s...

During times when the focus on MC and our talks was to prove right and wrong... .(I was accused and tried to prove myself innocent)... .the r/s went downhill.

In MC where the focus was on improving communication... .and understanding each other (even if we think the other is wrong... )... .the r/s has improved.

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« Reply #25 on: January 29, 2015, 05:40:08 PM »

I read what happened and I didn't have time to read all responses and exchanges but I wanted to bring something up. 

Thanks... .and honestly... .If you are too busy to read all this stuff here, I think that says something very good about your life. I'm looking forward to the day when my life is more like that!

Excerpt
I don't know how this is going to play out.  But she is saying she has felt something for a long time but was too afraid to tell you.  Now she is telling you.  That's a good thing, even if it's hard to hear. 

Yes. That is pretty much what I'm feeling about the situation, and why I'm still trying to make it work.

She thanked me in her email that I quoted for making a safe space for her. She was referring to a time when we alone--no mediator besides a teddy bear, not with the MC.

And I am very aware that the outcome is still uncertain... .while feeling good about myself that I am doing the best I can do.
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« Reply #26 on: January 29, 2015, 06:28:33 PM »

Hi GK,

I read what happened and I didn't have time to read all responses and exchanges but I wanted to bring something up.  It may or may not have any application to your situation, but, it's so in line with my current studies right now, I want to throw it out there.

Excerpt
She also said that she's been feeling this way for a while, but has been afraid to tell me because she didn't want to hurt me.

In the studies I'm doing right now, re: training for therapists who want to specialize in high level couples counseling, the entire thrust of the training is not that couples sometimes have horrible experiences like:

falling out of love with one another

hating each other at times

losing connection and romance

growing apart


and a host of other feelings and at times, actions, that can feel devastating to learn about... .

the thrust of the training isn't about how THESE things ruin marriages.

The thrust of the training, is about how when couples can't share with one another how they really feel (which obviously is fluid over time for all of us)... .and they hide... .

When they hide, the couple connection is broken.

and it's the broken connection leads to the end of the marriage.

It is in marriages where two people can share what is going on deep inside them, in real time (not after sitting on it for years or having multiple affairs) and where they both can provide a safe container for whatever is shared... .no matter what... .

Those are the couples who rebuild connection over and over again.

So, I don't know if this is the end, or not.

I think when we are in adult relationships, we have to get to the place where we have the strength to hear things that are very painful to hear.  Because, it's when we get to that place, that couples really start to re-connect.  Even when what was shared feels really, really hurtful.  Something magical often seems to happen between people who do the hard work of being able to share anything.  The 'anything' begins to become smaller, and the juice and connection of being able to share w/out fear... .begins to shift something positive for both people.

The couples who can't do this, b/c they get too injured, become to reactive,  take it too personally, get too defensive, etc., such that they can't stay present to really listen deeply and stay curious to learn more about this different person's private logic and unique felt experience... .that is what leads to ongoing breaks in connection.  That's what leads to disconnection and often to divorce.

You made me cry when I read this.  We share so little, BPDh and I.  With you're permission, I'd like to copy this, and maybe read it to him... .I'll just tell him I read it on a site somewhere and wanted to share it.  This is the root of so much that bonds a relationship.  And he has to want to do this with me, or I'm moving to Africa (tongue in cheek).

Blessings, c.
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« Reply #27 on: January 29, 2015, 07:40:17 PM »

Excerpt
And he has to want to do this with me, or I'm moving to Africa (tongue in cheek).

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

I think most of us WANT this badly on some deep level... .but can't do it w/out help... .at least not until some skills and some emotional muscle is built.

It isn't easy.  It isn't easy for the pwBPD and interestingly... .it isn't much easier for the one who identifies themselves as the 'non'.  At least it hasn't been easy for me.  In fact, this one thing... .probably is the hardest thing for me to do.  And when the chips are down, I often move into just the opposite... .defense, intellectual debate, JADEing, ... .

It is incredibly hard to sit and stay curious... .when someone is saying... .

I have fallen out of love with you.

I am attracted to another person.

I have felt angry or deeply disconnected from you for a long long time... .

or whatever it is

Harder even still is to sit through the 'story that supports' such feelings... .because often the story is about how YOU did something to create or maintain the situation and usually the story isn't really all that important nor accurate from the other person's POV.

In MC... .the hard part is getting out of the story, putting aside YOUR POV,  and staying out of 'fix it' mode... .and staying open and vulnerable to what is happening inside that person.  

When someone you love is saying something that cuts you to the core... .How grown up we must be to NOT react, to not fight it, to not defend, to not take issue, to not intellectualize it,  and instead stay with the person as they explore deeply what is going on for them inside... .

How long have you felt that way?

What must that have been like for you?

How lonely you must have felt, how scared you must have felt, how alone... .

This way of listening, I dare say, is almost completely unheard of and so foreign to most of us, it certainly wasn't something that went on in MY family.

Both people usually need a lot of help to be able to listen with curiosity to eachother... .no interruptions, no defense, and non reactively ... .when something so hard is being said.  It is truly a developmental milestone to be able to hang on to yourself WHILE you do this.  

Excerpt
Yes. That is pretty much what I'm feeling about the situation, and why I'm still trying to make it work.

She thanked me in her email that I quoted for making a safe space for her. She was referring to a time when we alone--no mediator besides a teddy bear, not with the MC.

And I am very aware that the outcome is still uncertain... .while feeling good about myself that I am doing the best I can do.

Good work on your part.   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)    Sitting with the questions and not having all the answers, not knowing how it will turn out... .managing the anxiety of that... .which is true of most of life... .this is yet another hard won skill... .you are going to be an emotional ninja warrior coming out the other side of this no matter what the outcome.

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« Reply #28 on: January 29, 2015, 07:45:12 PM »

  and staying out of 'fix it' mode... .and staying open and vulnerable to what is happening inside that person.   

This is so me... .mr fix it. 

MaybeSO,

Any guidance on how a guy like me... .stays out of that mode.  I'm doing better at keeping my mouth shut... .but as I listen to various stories... my brain is churning out "fix it" ideas.


Second question:  Any guidance on best ways to deal with interrupting... .

That is biggest issue... .from my POV... .to creating a safe space for my wife and I to talk

If we need to create another topic for this... no problem... .

I think I'm close to a hijack here... .
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« Reply #29 on: January 29, 2015, 07:51:00 PM »

Excerpt
Any guidance on how a guy like me... .stays out of that mode.

With lots and lots of practice.  I can PM you if you would like. 
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