How to react when she is back

[Issy]

Hi,

My friend finally is not silent anymore after months. She is still blaming me and she is projecting a whole lot on me. Now I remember reading on the web steps how to reconnect after being split black. Can anyone give me links or just tell me what the best response would be? Of course I really want to be heard by her.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Issy,

I am not sure of what the best response would be since I am not familiar with your backstory.  Perhaps you could tell us a little more so we can effectively help you better?

The best thing to do is to practice communication tools.  Communication tools are key for communicating with a pwBPD.  Using communication tools have helped me through many difficult discussions with my pwBPD. 

Also, it is important that you are cognizant and recognize that her projections and blame are about her own inner feelings. It is easy to forget the origin of her behavior and blame yourself.  Here are some links to help you get started.   

Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it

Communication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN)

[JRT]

Hi,

My friend finally is not silent anymore after months. She is still blaming me and she is projecting a whole lot on me. Now I remember reading on the web steps how to reconnect after being split black. Can anyone give me links or just tell me what the best response would be? Of course I really want to be heard by her.

How long were you in NC?

[Issy]

Hi thanks for responding and sending those links, they will be helpful. However I'm so deeply hurt and far gone into this relationship and she seems not to notice her disorder I doubt I can do this right. I haven't gone NC but she went silent treatment on me for 6 months. I want to send you a personal message and show you what she wrote to me in a letter. I want to send it to you in a personal message because this letter is not for public of course, actually only meant for me but I need help with this so I want to do it this way, is that ok?

Sorry for responding this late, I was an actually still am sick because of this for days.

If anyone else is willing to give me good advise on how to respond (I love her and just want compassion from her for me for what she does to me), is so welcome I need it, thank you, I'm so heartbroken... .

[JRT]

Hi thanks for responding and sending those links, they will be helpful. However I'm so deeply hurt and far gone into this relationship and she seems not to notice her disorder I doubt I can do this right. I haven't gone NC but she went silent treatment on me for 6 months. I want to send you a personal message and show you what she wrote to me in a letter. I want to send it to you in a personal message because this letter is not for public of course, actually only meant for me but I need help with this so I want to do it this way, is that ok?

Sorry for responding this late, I was an actually still am sick because of this for days.

If anyone else is willing to give me good advise on how to respond (I love her and just want compassion from her for me for what she does to me), is so welcome I need it, thank you, I'm so heartbroken... .

Sure!