My ex Wife BPD finally calls her Mom after not talking to her for a year

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

so my uBPDxw not only abandoned me and her kids to shack up with our neighbor across the street but she also walked out on her Mother, Sister, Brother and cousins. She hasn't seen any of them except when I bring them to see our sons activities and she happens to be there which is not often. I have gone out of my way to reconnect with her family so my kids don't lose their relationships with Gram, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. This cuts into what little free time I have for myself but I feel it is very important for very one involved especially for my kids. If it were up to my uBPDxw my kids would have no family relationships as all she cares about is her new supply.  rolleyes

So my X-MIL tells me that she received a call from my uBPDxw her daughter. She tells me the call was filled with lies and tears for herself. Not tears for her Mom or kids but for herself. My X-MIL was glad to hear her voice but disheartened that her daughter continues to lie to her. The lies were that her daughter hasn't contacted her Mom for over a year. This includes Mothers Day, 2 Birthdays, Christmas, etc.

I'm posting on here just to vent as my uBPDxw has the AUDACITY (illness I know!) to seek pity on a week that she didn't go to her 10yr old sons school concert, didn't go to his First communion at church and even tried to get out of taking him to the Mother Son dance at school. She tried to get me to tell my son she couldn't go to the dance. I refused to tell him. I guess I guilted her into going. I kept my cool and tried to boost my X-MIL spirits by telling her that even amidst the lies and pity party that at least you got to talk to your daughter and at least she finally called you. Maybe it's a first baby step towards reconciliation. My X-MIL doesn't think so because she doesn't think her daughter will ever look inward and accept her own actions. I agree with her but didn't want to dampen her spirits so I tried to be positive and ended the call saying we need to keep praying for her.

Thanks for letting me vent here in a safe place!

MWC... .cool

[mywifecrazy]

so my uBPDxw not only abandoned me and her kids to shack up with our neighbor across the street but she also walked out on her Mother, Sister, Brother and cousins. She hasn't seen any of them except when I bring them to see our sons activities and she happens to be there which is not often. I have gone out of my way to reconnect with her family so my kids don't lose their relationships with Gram, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. This cuts into what little free time I have for myself but I feel it is very important for very one involved especially for my kids. If it were up to my uBPDxw my kids would have no family relationships as all she cares about is her new supply.  rolleyes

So my X-MIL tells me that she received a call from my uBPDxw her daughter. She tells me the call was filled with lies and tears for herself. Not tears for her Mom or kids but for herself. My X-MIL was glad to hear her voice but disheartened that her daughter continues to lie to her. The lies were that her daughter hasn't contacted her Mom for over a year. This includes Mothers Day, 2 Birthdays, Christmas, etc.

I'm posting on here just to vent as my uBPDxw has the AUDACITY (illness I know!) to seek pity on a week that she didn't go to her 10yr old sons school concert, didn't go to his First communion at church and even tried to get out of taking him to the Mother Son dance at school. She tried to get me to tell my son she couldn't go to the dance. I refused to tell him. I guess I guilted her into going. I kept my cool and tried to boost my X-MIL spirits by telling her that even amidst the lies and pity party that at least you got to talk to your daughter and at least she finally called you. Maybe it's a first baby step towards reconciliation. My X-MIL doesn't think so because she doesn't think her daughter will ever look inward and accept her own actions. I agree with her but didn't want to dampen her spirits so I tried to be positive and ended the call saying we need to keep praying for her.

Thanks for letting me vent here in a safe place!

MWC... .cool

[Kwamina]

Hi MWC

so my uBPDxw not only abandoned me and her kids to shack up with our neighbor across the street but she also walked out on her Mother, Sister, Brother and cousins.

That must have been very hard for you to handle. Not only that she left to live with someone else, but also that it's just across the street. Is she currently still living there?

I have gone out of my way to reconnect with her family so my kids don't lose their relationships with Gram, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. This cuts into what little free time I have for myself but I feel it is very important for very one involved especially for my kids.

I think it's great that you do your best to ensure your kids have a relationship with their family.

You also mention that this does cut into the little free time that you have for yourself. How are you coping with all of this? Do you feel like you're able to find time to at least also relax a little yourself and take care of your own mental and emotional well-being?

The lies were that her daughter hasn't contacted her Mom for over a year. This includes Mothers Day, 2 Birthdays, Christmas, etc.

Dealing with lies isn't pleasant but it is what it is though. Based on what you've experienced with your ex so far, the unfortunate truth is that this kind of behavior is probably what can be expected from her. This of course doesn't change the fact that it's still very annoying though.

I kept my cool and tried to boost my X-MIL spirits by telling her that even amidst the lies and pity party that at least you got to talk to your daughter and at least she finally called you. Maybe it's a first baby step towards reconciliation. My X-MIL doesn't think so because she doesn't think her daughter will ever look inward and accept her own actions. I agree with her but didn't want to dampen her spirits so I tried to be positive and ended the call saying we need to keep praying for her.

Well you never know, there's always hope. Do you feel like your ex has ever in any way acknowledged that there's something wrong with the way she behaves and treats her family?

[mywifecrazy]

Hi MWC

so my uBPDxw not only abandoned me and her kids to shack up with our neighbor across the street but she also walked out on her Mother, Sister, Brother and cousins.

That must have been very hard for you to handle. Not only that she left to live with someone else, but also that it's just across the street. Is she currently still living there?

Yes she is living across the street. I tried to tell her how unhealthy this will be for everyone and especially for our kids but she didn't care. I am in the process of putting my house on the market to move.

I have gone out of my way to reconnect with her family so my kids don't lose their relationships with Gram, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. This cuts into what little free time I have for myself but I feel it is very important for very one involved especially for my kids.

I think it's great that you do your best to ensure your kids have a relationship with their family.

You also mention that this does cut into the little free time that you have for yourself. How are you coping with all of this? Do you feel like you're able to find time to at least also relax a little yourself and take care of your own mental and emotional well-being?

Yes I've got to a point now that it's about 18months out that I've gone through the anger and pain and I'm now focusing on my life and my kids. It is hard as she left the kids with me as the custodial parent and she only sees them every other weekend. I think the final,step in my recovery will be when I move as I will finally be away from her and all the painful reminders that come with her being across the street.

The lies were that her daughter hasn't contacted her Mom for over a year. This includes Mothers Day, 2 Birthdays, Christmas, etc.

Dealing with lies isn't pleasant but it is what it is though. Based on what you've experienced with your ex so far, the unfortunate truth is that this kind of behavior is probably what can be expected from her. This of course doesn't change the fact that it's still very annoying though.

I kept my cool and tried to boost my X-MIL spirits by telling her that even amidst the lies and pity party that at least you got to talk to your daughter and at least she finally called you. Maybe it's a first baby step towards reconciliation. My X-MIL doesn't think so because she doesn't think her daughter will ever look inward and accept her own actions. I agree with her but didn't want to dampen her spirits so I tried to be positive and ended the call saying we need to keep praying for her.

Well you never know, there's always hope. Do you feel like your ex has ever in any way acknowledged that there's something wrong with the way she behaves and treats her family?

Not overtly. SHe is definitely in denial. There were some minor instances where she mentioned things like feeling empty inside or when we were still married she refused to go to counseling because she said "I don't want you to find out how F¥ck€d up I am" (her words). After the divorce she said to me when she was freaking out when I was confronting her about her infidelities she screamed "I know I'm F¥CK€D Up, I think being sexually desired is Love but I know that is not what true love is". But these moments were short lived and she goes back to lying and and abandoning everyone except her new R/S who is currently under her spell of lies.

[Cloud 9]

I have read your story. You are a strong and good man! Keep up the good work. Our story is just the opposite. My son is going through a divorce. His wife took the kids to the other mans. She is a tricky one... .He is a disabled Vet and she is a psych nurse. She has bragged about knowing how to push his buttons. She threatened him one morning saying kids said they didn't love him or want to see him, then she turned the tape recorder, in her pocket on, and yes he threatened her. My point is, crazy as your wife may be Thank God you've got the kids. I would do any thing to have my grandchildren and our life go back to normal. Normal was my son raised them and I spent every minute helping him while she was out. She worked some but mostly she was out drunk, with other men. During the 7 year marriage she was good to me because I just did what she wanted and listened to a lot of gripping about my son. I thought if I listen to it he wouldn't have to. Because me and the first child have such a bond, she said she guess she would have to have another baby to get one to like her. She did! I was telling my son please don't have more kids with this woman. I watched her go 7 years. She was never talking to all of her family at the same time. It was always their fault. With the exception of her birth mother who had the same condition, the rest of the family are pretty nice people. Her boyfriends, yes two of them live right down the road. One of them has been convicted 3 times of child endangerment. Some body alerted DHS and they warned the boys to get those kids out of there. It's unbelievable, so now there gone. I don't know where and she won't answer my calls or texts. Thank God that you have your children!

[mywifecrazy]

I have read your story. You are a strong and good man! Keep up the good work.

Thank You for your kind words Cloud9.

Our story is just the opposite. My son is going through a divorce. His wife took the kids to the other mans. She is a tricky one... .He is a disabled Vet and she is a psych nurse. She has bragged about knowing how to push his buttons. She threatened him one morning saying kids said they didn't love him or want to see him, then she turned the tape recorder, in her pocket on, and yes he threatened her.

First I respect and thank your son for his service! My God what a devious thing for her to do. It's scary what some of these people are capable of! My uBPDxw is the quiet Waif type. She can act all innocent when she's playing the victim but she's a chameleon and can act differently around others. I won't go into it as you know my story. Your son must be an emotional wreck with all this happening. My prayers for him, you and the kids that the truth will come out and set all of you free from her ways!

My point is, crazy as your wife may be Thank God you've got the kids. I would do any thing to have my grandchildren and our life go back to normal.

I thank God every day for that. It's a challenge as she still see's them the minimum every other week and I can see my kids wanting more from her but she keeps them at a distance. My Therapist said though it's hard I have to let it go and their relationship with their Mom good or bad is up to her. It's just so hard when you see through all the manipulating BS and you want to scream to blow her out of the water but I must let her HANG HERSELF and not be seen as vindictive. But like you said I'm lucky as I have the kids 90%. You and your son are in a really tough situation! But there is always hope. I still can't believe someone is caapable of doing what your DIL has done. These BPD's are capable of anything!

Normal was my son raised them and I spent every minute helping him while she was out. She worked some but mostly she was out drunk, with other men. During the 7 year marriage she was good to me because I just did what she wanted and listened to a lot of gripping about my son. I thought if I listen to it he wouldn't have to. Because me and the first child have such a bond, she said she guess she would have to have another baby to get one to like her. She did! I was telling my son please don't have more kids with this woman. I watched her go 7 years. She was never talking to all of her family at the same time. It was always their fault. With the exception of her birth mother who had the same condition, the rest of the family are pretty nice people. Her boyfriends, yes two of them live right down the road. One of them has been convicted 3 times of child endangerment. Some body alerted DHS and they warned the boys to get those kids out of there. It's unbelievable, so now there gone. I don't know where and she won't answer my calls or texts.

Even though he's in pain and the kids are gone at least he's away from her. Maybe he can get his head cleared up and let things settle down so you all can maybe contact a lawyer and start the process of gettings kids back for partial custody.

Thank God that you have your children!

I am Lucky! It's a lot of work being a full time single Dad but at least I'm the one making the decisions on how they are raised. Her influences are minimized. I'm actually glad for my ex MIL, SIL and BIL as I keep them in my kids lives. If it were up to my Ex they wouldnt see her family.

Hang in there Cloud9. Wish there was something I could say to ease your pain. Don't give up!

MWC... .