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Author Topic: Becoming a BPD Whisperer  (Read 685 times)
Cat Familiar
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
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« Reply #30 on: February 15, 2015, 11:22:39 AM »

I'm just now realizing how bossy I am. I hadn't really seen it that way before--I just categorized it as "being efficient."

Doing the right thing (click to insert in post) Awesome to notice how the "efficient" way of doing things makes your life a lot more of a mess and changing your strategy accordingly!

Still a hard thing to change even when you notice... .at least for me!

Excerpt
... .but I still think my way is best.  

Of course. If you thought another way was better, you would start doing that.  

Yes, change is indeed difficult, especially for an OCDish person like me. Something that recently has occurred to me is that I let animals be who they are, why do I need to micromanage my husband? In the months since I've discovered this group and began my own therapy, I've let go of much of the external manifestations of "managing" him, but some of the little things such as his lack of followthrough for putting things away after he uses them, still irks me. But I have been successful at keeping my mouth shut about that.  Being cool (click to insert in post) Now I'm going to be more mindful of self-disclosure. In the future, if I can't save it for therapy, I'll just tell that stuff to the cats, the goats, the sheep or the horses. So far, I've found that the horses have been some of the best listeners.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Grey Kitty
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Relationship status: Separated
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« Reply #31 on: February 15, 2015, 12:24:04 PM »

Yes, change is indeed difficult, especially for an OCDish person like me.

The hard part about change is a lot more universal. I'm a horrible procrastinator! I don't think anybody has ever even projected being OCD onto me    And there is NOTHING easy about it for me either!

I just keep on trying because it the result is worth it.
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Cat Familiar
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« Reply #32 on: February 16, 2015, 10:02:47 AM »

I've been lately giving up a lot of the "shoulds": how our relationship should be, how I should vacuum more, how he should take the recyclable bin to the garbage area more frequently, how he should vacuum upstairs in his studio so I can sleep with him there without getting allergies, how I should be able to share my feelings freely with him.

It's kind of freeing and certainly less judgmental to just see what (or who) shows up. I've expected a lot of negativity from him in the past and my beliefs have been met with reality. Now I'm trying not to give a flying f about his moods--I'm modeling the cats' behavior: just leave if he is acting pi$$y and then cautiously return and check if it's safe later.
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
123Phoebe
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« Reply #33 on: February 16, 2015, 10:13:53 AM »

I'm a horrible procrastinator! I don't think anybody has ever even projected being OCD onto me    

Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) GK!

Housework is my downfall.  I'm not the stereotypical 50's housekeeper, that's for sure.  It's not at shame category or anything like that, I just don't find "joy" in scrubbing the bathroom floor.  I do love it when it's all said and done, but... . Putzing around the yard and gardening, is a whole 'nother story... .

Anyway, I was talking to my ex (when he was my H), and whatever we were talking about I made a comment that my OCD tendencies were kicking in.  He quickly retorted that the ONLY thing I'm Obsessive-Compulsive about is NOT cleaning Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

So, maybe you and I have that level of OCD in common Smiling (click to insert in post) Being cool (click to insert in post)

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MaroonLiquid
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« Reply #34 on: February 16, 2015, 11:44:02 AM »

My wife and I have always been dog people (we have 2).  My wife more so than I.  I prefer dogs, but not a huge animal person as the dogs (3 of them) I had when I was a child were killed tragically.  It is hard for me to love on them as I know their life is fleeting.  I do love my dog (staying with my wife as I can't have them in my apartment) and he is very playful.  My wife is overboard with dogs and now understanding BPD a lot better, I understand why.  They HAVE TO RELY on her and they feed her narcissistic behaviors.  She wants everyone to rely on her.  That's why she volunteers for so many things, regardless if she has the time or not. It gives her a sense of self.  Knowing now that I don't rely on her, I believe it makes her feel out of control.
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