teddie bear rd 2

[Eco]

so my ex caused a scene at the daycare on Thursday, when i dropped my daughter off to my ex at the daycare my daughter wanted to take the bear i gave her to my exs house. when my ex saw the bear she started pressuring my daughter to give it back to me, she eventually gave it back to me after telling her 7 or 8 times.

before the incident i talked to the daycare about leaving the bear at the daycare so my daughter has access to it, her teacher said it was fine and even said "i will hide it so your ex wont see it" i told her that it wasn't necessary to hide it because my ex doesn't control what happens at the daycare.

after my ex made my daughter give the bear back to me i took it into my daughters class room, my ex followed me in and said " you cant leave that here" i told her that the teacher said it was fine but my ex demanded that i get the directors permission. i got the directors permission but that they couldn't be held responsible if my ex did something to it. they have cameras in the classrooms so im not worried.

they really got to see my ex in her true form and not the fake front she gives.

a question i have is this, when my ex was pressuring my daughter to give the bear back to me i kept quiet and didn't ask my daughter if she wanted to keep it. should i say something? i wanted to stand up for my daughter but i didn't want to put more pressure on her and make her feel like she had to choose.

im about to go back to court and this is more evidence to bring.

last weekend when it was time to take my daughter back to my ex my daughter was stalling by wanting me to walk her around the yard then when we got to the car she tried to shut the car door and when i got her in the car seat she broke down and started sobbing to the point that i had to get her out of the seat and calm her down. I asked her if she was ready to go and she said no when i put her back in the seat she just flopped down like dead weight and looked like she just lost her best friend she looked so sad. i felt like a monster, i told her that i love her and didn't want her to go home. im not sure what else to say, any suggestions would be appreciated. 

thank you everyone

[david]

Keep documenting everything you can. I found that overwhelming evidence is the only thing that helped me in court. Also, evidence MUST be presented as evidence. It gets numbered and introduced as evidence. It takes time and attorneys and judges don't seem to like it because it takes up time. However, judges must make their ruling on evidence.

Maybe finding another teddy bear for daycare that ex believes came from the daycare and not from you would stop the nonsense from ex.

Our boys are older and I found that all decisions in school are decided between the school and me and then the school contacts ex with"their" ideas. Ex goes along with it every time because it didn't have anything to do with me.                     

[livednlearned]

a question i have is this, when my ex was pressuring my daughter to give the bear back to me i kept quiet and didn't ask my daughter if she wanted to keep it. should i say something? i wanted to stand up for my daughter but i didn't want to put more pressure on her and make her feel like she had to choose.

These interactions are so hard. I don't know that there is a right way and a wrong way, especially when your D is so young. My T introduced me to the idea of do-overs and that has helped me a lot. If I feel like I failed with S13, I revisit with him later to talk about what happened. Your D is young enough that she might not hang onto it, but that will start to change. You could get into the habit now and make it part of your parenting skill set. ":), I didn't know what to do when your mom was so upset about the bear. How did you feel when that was happening? She was getting angry and I don't know why. Why do you think she felt angry?"

It's not really about the bear. It's about making sure your D feels that you see her, and that someone validates that her feelings are real. It's amazing what kids pick up on -- your D may be able to say that her mom is scared D will love the bear more than her.