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Author Topic: Am I living with an undiagnosed BPD wife ?  (Read 381 times)
dadecounty

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 3


« on: February 14, 2015, 08:57:15 PM »

I think I may have joined the dots, After many years of frequent arguments over petty stuff , the disproportionate responses with emotional and physical abuse, the silent treatment for days, the lack of intimacy for almost 4 years, the relentless discussions of "abandonment" ,Being told I was a dead beat dad to my son , Forgetting the fabulous overseas vacation because "my behavior tainted the memory of the vacation" ,Being told that I was going to be outed on social media as an abuser, and I can go on and on .

After being told by my wife that I need therapy and that I have BPD , I happily went to psych to get help for my depression and seek a BPD diagnosis bcos I want my marriage to work and was told that I definitely dont have BPD , but he thinks my wife has. Then I found this forum and wow, I feel like a giant cloud has been lifted?  But where too from here. How can i get my wife to understand. Is there any hope for us. Please help me to move to the next level. What are the best reference books to help me . I appreciate all help here. Thanks
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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

flowerpath
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Posts: 225



« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2015, 09:47:15 PM »

 Hi, dade.   Welcome

You've found a very good place to start.  If you've lived a person with BPD for a while, it's actually pretty easy to wonder whether you are actually the one who has BPD.  Two of the most important things I've done are to learn as much as I can about BPD and learn how to protect myself from it.  The lessons on this page -->, step-by-step, are very helpful and the recommended books are too.  Sharing with the other members here will help you know that you are not in it by yourself. 
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dadecounty

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 3


« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2015, 12:35:45 AM »

Thank you for the advice
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rlhmm
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: single
Posts: 110



« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2015, 01:12:49 AM »

i just joined this site myself... .be an informational sponge... .read all you can about BPD, it will become obvious whether your spouse is or isnt... .good luck! Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Cole
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Posts: 563


« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2015, 06:10:53 AM »

I am in pretty much the same boat. Agree 100% with flowerpath; read all the information you can on this site. Don't be afraid to continue counseling in your own if you need to. Living with a BPDw can be debilitating. 
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