Wanting Advice For Myself Coping

[RedAzure]

Hello,

This is my first post and I hope it's short and to the point.

My husband has BPD. We have been married for almost 20 years and it's only recently that I'm feeling that I truly do not know how to cope with the changes in his moods.

I'm feeling very tired and psychologically exhausted but am sure I'm not handling things as best I could.

Any advice or pointers in the right direction would be so appreciated.

Red

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

 

Hi RedAzure,

I'm sorry to hear that. It's frustrating, confusing and stressful when our significant other's moods change rapidly - minutes or hours and you may feel like your all alone. It's tough. Many members can relate.

How's your H now? Are you seeing a T?

It helps to talk.

[sweetheart]

   

Hello RedAzure,

I'm really glad that you have found us, you have come to the right place.

Being in a relationship with a SO who has BPD can be psychologically exhausting, so feeling tired is understandable, but by continuing to post here we can help you find ways to start taking care of yourself. We can also offer you guidance and support through shared experiences that will help you find positive ways of coping with your h's changes in moods and behaviours associated with BPD.

When I first came to this forum I too was tired and emotionally overwhelmed from trying to cope with my dBPDh. For me posting for ongoing support, reading all the info that this site has to offer, slowly starting to use some of the techniques in my relationship has turned my life around.

Can you tell us a bit more about you and your life so that we can start to get to know you a bit better and then we can begin to give you more specific advice and pointers on how to start talking steps toward handling situations in a way that helps you feel more positive.

[vortex of confusion]

 

I know that feeling of complete and utter exhaustion. I have been with my husband for 16.5 years and knew nothing about BPD. I knew things were off but I had no idea what to do. I have spent lots and lots of years trying to figure stuff out.

Does your husband have an official diagnosis? (It doesn't matter as all of the information on this site is helpful.)

Do you have any kids? Trying to deal with somebody that has BPD or BPD traits and trying to raise kids makes things even more complicated.

It helps to start reading the lessons. It can sometimes feel overwhelming. I have asked myself the question: Why do I have to do all of the studying and reading and stuff? I am not the one with the problem. I do it because I am committed to finding a way to keep things at least peaceful.

 

[Michelle27]

I totally understand that feeling of being emotionally exhausted and having difficulty coping with the ups and downs.  After 7 great years with only a few red flags that I only see now in retrospect, my husband crashed into a depression that I believe triggered underlying BPD tendencies into full blown ones.  Since then, 8.5 years ago, my life has mostly been hell.  Living from one crisis to the other, taking over all household chores, being more financially supportive of the home and working full time myself, I hit the wall.  Things got even more tense when I found out in December that my suspicions were right and he had in fact had an affair years ago with a FRIEND of mine that lasted for almost a year.  It made Christmas seriously the most difficult holiday I've ever had.  I just wanted to run away.  I'm in therapy myself now, and have given him a window of time to do his part and get into deep therapy, or I will be gone. In the meantime, I'm doing everything I can to  make my life easier by improving my boundary setting skills, coping skills and keeping just enough detached to be able to keep my own sanity.  It's not easy, but the tools do work when you use them.

[waverider]

Hi RedAzure

A good place to start is having a read through these:

LESSONS

It helps you formulate the process, otherwise you have too much happening all at once in it is hard to prioritize.

Anyway have a read and come back to discuss anything in particular that strikes a chord

Waverider