My BPDbf broke up with me its been 18 days

[Kasina]

hey everyone...

so my BPDbf broke up with me its been 18 days.he deleted me from fb and other social site but he hasn't blocked my cell number as he said he would,we brokeup twice before on different occasions but he came back in a weeks time but this time it seems permanent.

I am so hurt and confused we were going to marry this year after 3 years of relationship.i m following everyones advice on this forum and over  other material I m reading about BPD.i m giving im giving him space and focusing on my self right no but its just too hard he is my soulmate and i miss him terribly. is this permanemt?has he painted me black permanently?

I just need hope t I guess,what do I do? :'( :'(

sorry for the long incoherent post.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

 

It must feel horrible to be left hanging like that after all the effort you put into it.

All you can do is get on with being you. What does a future without him look like? Start living it. You can't make him do anything. Maybe he will reconnect, maybe he wont, you canm only make use of this time to center yourself so that you will be in a better place for whatever comes next.

If it seems like it is final then you may want to consider looking at

Leaving: Detaching from the Wounds of a failed BPD Relationship

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Kasina,

I am sorry that you are going through this.    I understand how hard it must be for you to be unsure and wonder if your bf is going to reconnect.  I understand how extremely difficult it is to feel that you lost your soulmate.   

I cannot say for certain if your bf will reconnect with you.  Similar to non disordered people, pwBPD can reconnect in the future or not.  The best thing to do in the mean time is to continue to focus on yourself.

During a period of NC with my bf, I was very upset.  I was so upset that I forgot to think about anything pertaining to me. I was not eating or sleeping properly.  Disregarding myself made my emotions even more intense. Even the small things can make a difference in how we cope/perceive things. 

[JRT]

Kasina

I know the pain that you are going through... .I was in a 2 year relationship and engaged. My fiance had just moved in and then, without any warning, moved out while I was away at work. She blocked me from contacting her in every way you can think of and I have not spoken with her since.

As everyone else had mentioned, there is no sure way to tell if he will ever contact you again. Its important for you to keep in mind that because of the push/pull dynamic that is a prominent part of BPD, that trying to contact him will push him further away. I know that it almost seems like it is a punishment for YOU to heave to bear when you did nothing wrong to cause this, but it MUST be done- we all know that it is not easy.

Most BPD relationships recycle... .this might be after a day or two or after a year, if at all. One of the things that is important for you to decide at that point in time is if there was anything that he had done during that period that had changed anything. If he did not seek therapy or even acknowledge his PD, you might be returning to the same thing with the same outcome.

These forums are a great place for support. All of have been in this unfortunate predicament and it has been profoundly helpful for us to be able to depend on the people and resources here to put the pain behind us.

Please count on us.

[MaroonLiquid]

 

So sorry you are going through this.  Being given the silent treatment, blocked from communication and left to pick up the pieces of your life is very difficult to deal with and almost unbearable at times, especially at first.  As other people have said, you will get good advice here, and please, focus on your health and well being.  Chances are, he will try and reconnect, but there is no guarantee. 

[Kasina]

Thankyou everyone for the support and advices it was very helpful I feel better now knowing that at least there aren't hers out there who understands what I m going through it gives me a hope that things will be better and this shall pass too.

I don't know if he will reconnect or not,I just have to focus on myself and think what I really want for myself and why am I dealing with this behaviour of him.i should set some boundaries and if he still leave I must protect and take care of myself first then.

If he comes back I will be ready to make some firm boundaries and talk to him on firm ground if he doesn't come back ten I will try to be strong enough to move on.

I hope that things go very swiftly for me.

Thanks