misuniadziubek
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Semi-long distance relationship living apart.
Posts: 383
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« on: February 21, 2015, 03:49:45 PM » |
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I go up to see him practically every weekend, and he comes down to see me only once in a while because I still live in my parents house. So my life has become a bit of a routine. Work Monday to Thursday. Friday drive up, Sunday come home.
It's nice to get away from my life, as my job stresses me out, but things have become too routine in a way, and so have our fights. Last weekend, during a fight, he complained that he's tired of the same old stuff, and arguments, that every time I come up we have one good day then the next is full of conflict. That I should make my own friends, because I've latched onto too many of his. So I told him that I wasn't going to come up for a weekend, that I was going to hang out with some people instead. He expressed relief because he had wanted to do something on Friday and didn't want to bring me along.
This fight was on Valentine's day. It started with him expressing that he didn't want me to associate/be friends with a friend of his, because he considers her a very toxic, dysfunctional and two faced individual. I talk to this girl all the time. She doesn't have her life in order, has some issues with lying and so on, but I find her pretty harmless. She's someone to talk to when my uBPDbf ignores me and she above anyone else understands just how difficult my uBPDbf is. She's a nice person to talk to. She helped me through a nervous breakdown I had a few weeks back and talked me through it, because he refused to, telling me I'm vying for attention and acting like an emo kid when I expressed 'wanting to die'.
Anyways, this turned into a pretty intense fight. I was defending my right to be friends with who I want, he called me too naive and trusting to hang out with this girl 'based on my history'. That she was going to stab me in the back and more drama-filled ideas. I don't really care. So four hours later, this discussion on having a break from each other began, and for once I didn't disagree that things didn't feel good between us anymore. I realised too late that the fight wasn't actually about me, despite him claiming that I'd ruined his Valentine's day for him, but by that point things had simmered down. And so I left Sunday night, a feeling of relief in my stomach. I'd finally have the time to get my stuff in order, focus on my health, finding a job, finish my online, endless possibilities of things I could finish with a weekend to myself.
I realised the repercussions of this decision. He doesn't feel comfortable with too much time apart between us. He told me off the bat, that we'd probably break up because this is how things ended between him and the very dysfunctional cheating ex-gf he had 3 years ago. A two week break where both grew apart from each other and eventually he lost all affection towards her. It's a possibility, but I know he still really cares about me so I don't think he'd move on that quickly. Then there's the little paranoid part of me that still wonders. Oh well. I'll accept whatever happens.
The interesting part is that at first I offered to come up on Saturday instead. He instantly blew that off and said he'd rather have the whole weekend to himself. Actually get things done for a change. Monday night, after a whole day of no texts, he called me up. He rarely calls me on the phone, so this was a pleasant surprise. 30 minute conversation.
Then yesterday, Friday, he texts me asking when he gets to see me. I remind him that he has plans. He tells me that he thought I'd come up on Saturday night instead. I tell him that he had rejected that idea so I planned for other things. He tells me, 'well if that's what you've decided then I guess that's it." LOL. What I decided. I remind him that it was his decision, and I'm just respecting it.
Now today he texts me again asking if I'm coming up tonight. I tell him straight up, no. I'm getting my car fixed and am not going to ask him to pick me up at the border.
So yeah, fights with him are pretty confusing. He says one thing, but it's never what he actually wants, it's to get a reaction out of me. I feel good about myself for sticking to my guns about what was decided. I needed to stay away for the weekend, at least get some of my own things in order, like my car and I planned a girls day with my mom on Sunday, plus I'm on meds that would make getting intimate practically impossible.
But it's hard. I like being around him, even when things aren't perfect. He's familiar to me. I'm used to going up every weekend. It's like stopping a drug cold turkey. Maybe I'm a bit too dependant on him, which makes our dynamic less healthy. This was my own decision. I stuck to it.
And here I am wishing soo much that I'd gone up and gave in to his requests.
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