NPD & BPD

[malibu4x]

Today was a really bad day -  I'm browsing some youtube videos on Narcissism and found that they hit really close to home:

Wife Yelling at Husband (major blow up over a dish)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoyZAFHfwwQ

Anyone else?

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[JPH]

I never got yelled or raged at by my ex-NPD fiancee, but her mother constantly belittled her father in front of everyone. It was incredibly awkward. I don't know if she was a narcissist, but she was definitely unpleasant and odd. Actually she was a b*tch. I'm pretty sure the daughter would've sunk to the same level had we gotten married. During the last six or so months of our relationship, she morphed into a completely different person. It was as if I'd have no say at all about anything once we were married.

Now my ex-BPD girlfriend refined throwing a tantrum to an art form. She was better than most two-year-olds. She once flew into a rage after I applied the parking brake of my car on a flat surface.

At this point I'm more or less terrified of dating. Even after removing personality disordered individuals, there are still a lot of whackadoos out there.

[malibu4x]

I can relate.  My BP's mother was the same way.  She belittled her dad constantly. Tore him down every step or turn.  Family get togethers were incredibly awkward, and usually ended in one of the grown children in tears.

My BP's mom (now divorced) posts about 10 times on facebook every day.  Constantly changing her profile pic, constantly posting the most inane stuff about her life.  I'm fairly certain she is NPD.  My BP however (thankfully) doesn't do that, but the types of verbal barbs and jabs in the video - unfortunately I have to say I have seen all too often.

As for you - if you are single, don't give up hope.  There are lots of non-crazy people out there.  I think that the stats are around 16% of people have some form of mental illness.  That means there are 84% of the population that doesn't.  Good luck - just go in with your eyes wide open.   All the signs were there for me, but I just ignored them as I didn't know what I know now. 

[waverider]

I think that the stats are around 16% of people have some form of mental illness.  That means there are 84% of the population that doesn't. 

Not all people with mental illness are toxic.

Many people are toxic without being mentally ill.

At times we also play our part in bringing out the toxicity in some people.


There are a lot of common traits between BPD and NPD. BPD is more defensive driven and NPD is more entitlement driven. Both are self focused

[anxiety5]

I think that the stats are around 16% of people have some form of mental illness.  That means there are 84% of the population that doesn't. 

Not all people with mental illness are toxic.

Many people are toxic without being mentally ill.

At times we also play our part in bringing out the toxicity in some people.


There are a lot of common traits between BPD and NPD. BPD is more defensive driven and NPD is more entitlement driven. Both are self focused

Actually I've read several places, as well as had 2 separate therapists tell me independently that All BPD are narcissistic, but not all narcissists have BPD. Now the spectrum of narcissism is going to be different between differences like grandiose or vulnerable BPD types but there are a high percentage that actually have co-morbid conditions.

I was convinced without a shadow of any doubt and would bet every dollar I've ever made or will make that my ex had NPD. I thought I was losing my freaking mind for several months and in search for answers I stumbled upon information on line that BLEW my mind. It was like being afflicted with a disease that was indescribable and there before your very eyes reading each and every solitary aspect of the condition that affects them, and even scarier a play by play of our relationship as if it were written by someone watching us to that point in time. It blew me away.

I emailed a very detailed message to a licensed mental health counselor and she replied back what I said above in my first point I made. She corrected me and told me that everything I describe is BPD and that I'm absolutely correct in my assertion of the NPD symptoms and affliction and that is very common. But the difference is in the emotional chaos and underlying fear of abandonment.  Those two traits, and the meltdowns are what signified BPD.

You are correct the conditions are overlapping but don't put too much emphasis on which one you think they have, the main components and outcomes are very similar.

What's interesting is my ex had OCD and Anxiety yet no efforts that I made to explain to her that those along with her drive to control everything being symptoms of something else driving it were heard. She simply started taking an anti-depressant mood stabilizer and a generic zanex. What's interesting is the affects of these drugs made her a hardcore Narcissist. See, the characteristics underlying her personality did not change but the emotional swings did go away. So essentially the fear of abandonment went away along with the mood swings by taking the pills, but because she never got any mental counseling, what remained was a more cold calculated abuser with absolutely no conscience. She could detach from someone in no time flat, didn't care at all and was ruthless. She started not even worrying or carrying about the wake of destruction she created because she was medicated. It was, "tough cookies, deal with it"

[anxiety5]

I think that the stats are around 16% of people have some form of mental illness.  That means there are 84% of the population that doesn't. 

Not all people with mental illness are toxic.

Many people are toxic without being mentally ill.

At times we also play our part in bringing out the toxicity in some people.


There are a lot of common traits between BPD and NPD. BPD is more defensive driven and NPD is more entitlement driven. Both are self focused

My ex is incredibly entitled and when you confront her on it she will dish out a defense shield of deny, deflect, minimize, and blame that will make your head spin.

This is an example of being both.

[drummerboy]

It's important to understand that NPD (which is a designated PD in the DSM) and is quite different to the more generic "narcissistic trait" that occurs in many disorders and all of us display this trait in varying degrees in various situations. In most modern BPD literature there is continual reference to narcissism being a vital trait of  pwBPD and in my experience it comes across as them being totally self absorbed. In this context Narcissim means that they simply have no genuine interest in other people beyond what other people can do for them.

[maxsterling]

I learned about PDs because of an ex.  Pretty much textbook NPD.  She would even say things like "I feel like I am better than other people' and "I need to have the best of everything".  Before I knew about NPD, I just thought this bizarre.  She was mostly pleasant to be around, just full of herself, until she drank or smoked marijuana, then the ugliness and and full-blown irrational behavior came out.  So, I happened to read about NPD, thought it was exactly describing her. 

So, I didn't date for nearly two years, out of fear.  My guard was WAAAY up.  Finally, I started dating again, and found a woman who seemed like the opposite.  And by the "opposite" I mean my ex didn't seem to have real emotions, this new woman did.  She seemed capable of self-reflection whereas my ex did not.   And of course, two months in, some red flags started to show, and finally some really strange behavior that was quite similar to my ex.  I went to a P, who told me within half an hour she had BPD.  Crap.  I knew all about NPD, but knew nothing about BPD. 

So, having dated both, I can say that the behaviors can be very similar, with the rages, the accusations, the blame, and the controlling nature.  The main difference as I see it (and this is huge), pwBPD try to control in order to avoid abandonment or make things agree with their perception of reality.  pwNPD control because they truly believe they are entitled to it because they think they are a special creature that knows better than everyone else. 

[waverider]

BPD split themselves. They can go from a feeling of entitlement to a feeling of not being worthy of deserving anything, very quickly. But it is still routed in being self absorbed. This brings about the instability which often separates the two.

It could be argued that high functioning pwBPD are almost like pwNPD imitators. I think this is the area were most confusion arises.