Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 02:53:12 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Okay there here is my bit  (Read 369 times)
vonz
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1


« on: February 23, 2015, 01:46:10 AM »

Hi and greetings from down under.

Very high trend here of ladies with some sort of mental disorder, lots of men with depression. I'm doing fine, doing lots of observations everyday... .pretty scary out there.

Anyway it took me some years to teach myself in how to act with a modern type woman, I am 42 and married hardcore BPD, did not have much choice as my visa was running out but embraced the whole thing and made a girl happy... .at least for a little bit.

My boy was born on the 15/12/10 and mother in law punched me in the face on xmas day and been living away from home since. Now moved to Melbourne, 600kms away from little family. Did not try to re unite as living with BPD wife is too much to deal with, I cannot afford to be a carer for all my life, I have a venture to run. Taking care of them my best though, calling often and visiting as much as I can.

Since the boy is here, her needs of affection are fully fulfilled, which is a good thing as I have my life back but it is very hard to get close to her (I keep trying to remind her that our little boy is not her new husband but she wont hear that) unless I get her to drink a few glasses of wine that eventually disrupts the anxiety monster.

Police is fully supportive with BPD ladies here and they are rewarding their erratic behavior, it makes it harder and harder to have any sort of grasp on our loved ones.

Anyhow, I'm not whinging. I know exactly who I married and expecting the worse, meanwhile I am keeping a close attention to my little boy and his upbringing. Reading bits and pieces... .It is now the time for me to prepare my entry into parenting I suppose, not that being a single dad is one of my goals in life, but only because I love my little boy and he deserves to have a model that takes him away from becoming a monster.

Thanks for your attention.

Vonz
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2013; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12104


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2015, 11:36:00 PM »

Hello Vonz and welcome!

I'm sorry to hear that you were assaulted by your MIL. By your comments about the police,.did nothing come of that, or did you even report it?

Your comments about your son not being a replacement husband may be sadly spot on with a parent with BPD. It seems that your wife is allowing visitation, but are you going to pursue divorce and a custody arrangement, or is this situation working for you for now? How is your boy doing with this? I hope to hear more.

Turkish
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
livednlearned
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12731



« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2015, 08:54:44 AM »

Hi Vonz,

Welcome to the site, and I'm glad you posted and introduced yourself. I still remember how weird I felt the first time I posted in the forum. All my deeply personal baggage made public for all to see.  Being cool (click to insert in post)

I highly recommend Lesson 5 to the right ---------------> about raising resilient kids when one parent has BPD. Especially the part about validation. You probably want to get your head around Lesson 6, too, on parental alienation. That tends to go with BPD and coparenting. It's great that your child is young. Validating his feelings young in life will go a long way. He won't get much in the way of validation from his BPD mom, so you're it. You're the one who is going to help him figure out that he has a self separate from his mom. Many BPD mothers have an unstable sense of self, and their kids are extensions of them, which can be very frightening and confusing for a child, who is hardwired to be dependent on this all-powerful figure.

If nothing else, get a copy of the Power of Validation and practice the skills in there until you really get it. You can start with little kids, and it works right away. The challenge is that sometimes it's hard to know if you're doing it right, and in particular, doing it authentically.

LnL
Logged

Breathe.
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!