Ex-wife demoralizing my son.

[swriggle]

Hi. For 15 years I walked on egg shells. My wife was always extremely difficult. Never able to have a rational conversation and often having to yell and scream even when there was no reason to act in that fashion. I suspected many times that she was engaged in affairs but was never able to find the smoking gun. After years of assuming the worst and hoping for the best she finally admitted to an affair because she was caught. She pursued divorce and after living with her and our boys for six more months we reached an agreement. I did not want the marriage to end (on principle) but in the end it was the best thing for me.

In the process of negotiating terms for divorce (she had no grounds, so I had leverage in negotiation) I preserved half the time with my boys, something she did not want to allow originally. However I knew it was very important because after my world fell apart my counselor quickly identified that my wife (now ex-wife, likely had BPD). She said I needed to maximize my time with my kids and now I only wish I had fought for more time.

Long story short, since my divorce I have found a beautiful woman, who is lovely inside and out. We are now married, and with my two boys and her four girls, we have our own version of the Brady bunch.

Unfortunately my 13 year old, son is really starting to struggle and is showing all the signs I had as a victim of a BPD love one. He and his brother still spend half their time with their mom. In his case his "escape" or even a good understanding is less likely because of the mother/son relationship as opposed to a significant other relationship.

Probably not enough background but I'm trying my best to keep it brief... .my question for others reading this is whether I should explain BPD and the likelihood/potential that my ex-wife, and his mom, has BPD. I feel like I could coach him and help him learn to love his mom without falling victim to the demoralizing feeling that comes with his mothers fits of rage. Then again, I don't want to exacerbate the problem by making him feel like his mom is  crazy or have him ask his mom about it altogether.

Any advice (or questions that could lead to advice) is appreciated.