Court Round 2

[Ripped Heart]

Today was the 2nd installment of court in terms of access to my children which was previous established at 3 hours every other Sunday after a lengthy 3 year battle.

I also spoke about how the magistrates laid into my ex over her behaviours and that they weren't finished with her. Today was her attempt at retaliation and I was reprimanded in a very harsh way by the Court appointed child welfare officer. The reason being that I put a post up on Facebook that the child welfare officer decided was a Criminal Offence and was determined to point this out to the magistrates. The post I put was thus:

It's been a 3 year battle across 2 continents by 1 determined father. Today I finally got to see my children for the first time in a very long time. To all those fathers out there who feel let down or that the battle is hopeless, I just want to say Never Give Up. Your children won't ever give up on you so don't you give up on them

So apparently, that was a criminal offence simply because my ex took offence to it. However, it never reached the magistrates because my lawyer pulled out the photos of my ex giving our daughter alcohol which were posted on Facebook, not once but 3 times. I also asked the welfare officer where the printout that she had came from and she responded that it was from my daughters facebook page. I pointed out that Facebook actually has a minimum age of 13 and that my daughter is 10. My lawyer made it very clear that if the welfare officer was going to raise concerns, we were too considering that they were supposed to have investigated the alcohol issue in 2012.

Needless to say, when the welfare officer was asked by the magistrates if she had any concerns, the response was a firm NO and the only thing my ex felt she had me on was dissolved before it even reached the magistrates with a firm word in her ear from the welfare officer.

My previous lawyer had been phenomenal but has now moved to pastures new. He assured me before he went that my case would be handed over to someone he trusted really well, who was a mentor to him and even more ruthless. I got quite the shock when this tiny older lady walked in because she looked quite harmless, but boy did she pack a punch.

So after day 2 of court, ex has been torn to shreds yet again, hours have been extended to 8 hours instead of 3 as of this weekend.  The following time I have the girls, it's going to be overnight and then weekend contact from the middle of March. It's been agreed that although Mothers Day would be my weekend, that my ex has them then and I have them on Fathers Day weekend and that I get them for a week during the easter holidays. Restrictions that ex has tried to place have been torn to pieces and she took another hammering from the magistrates today.

She actually told the court she felt things were progressing too fast and wanted it slowing down. Magistrates pointed out that she stalled for 3 years so in their opinion it hasn't progressed fast enough and to deal with it. I actually got praise from the magistrates too for my resolve in the matter, that it can't have been easy not having access to my children but the fact that I've been in there twice and been willing to make compromises when the requests have been unreasonable was a testament to my character and that they are confident that my girls will benefit from having a parent that understands compromise and is willing to work for the best interests of their child.

They tore ex apart for the false allegation charges she made against her ex that she tried to pass of as being me, stating it was clearly obvious from the dates that I couldn't possibly have been involved considering my youngest hadn't even been born at the time of said incidents. They accused her of underhanded tactics and that should the same patterns emerge, there would be further consequences for her actions if proved untrue.

The final kick came in the form of court being adjourned and no final order being written up on this occasion. The reason being there are still a few things to be ironed out but given my sensible approach and my exs unreasonable approach, they have put writing up the final order in the hands of my solicitor as they felt we would be more sensible around what we were asking for.

Overall, it was a great day in court and the magistrates proved yet again, nothing gets past them 

[Turkish]

That's a great story, RH. That little old lady seems worth her weight in gold! This story is like others in that the disordered behaviors tend to come out in court more often than not...

Where do you think it will go from here, and how is your daughter doing?

As for Facebook, I'll pass on what a friend here told me: "Silence is strength." I never knew how strong I was until I watched my Ex devalue me in all but name while she was living with me and carrying on with someone else (shortly after which I blocked her). Still, I sometimes post the occasional gem I see from a member here, but our custody issues are settled for now.

[Ripped Heart]

Daughters are doing just fine Turkish. Last week it was really difficult on them to want to leave, not so much because they didn't want to go back but because they wanted to spend more time and now they have that.

As for FB, I share very little. Perhaps update a status every couple of months or an occasional comedy quote. As to what I posted and why, I have a few friends going through similar battles right now, I have other friends who keep asking how things are going and old friends of my ex who felt what she did was disgusting. I posted out of relief that after 3 years of fighting, the tears shed, of battling on the verge of depression, it was finally over and the control was removed from my ex.

As you can see from above, I make no reference to her and it was a message to my friends out there who are struggling the same way I was, not to give up on hope because no matter how many bricks walls you run in to, the day finally comes when you reach the last one. I could have been derogatory towards my ex but that was never the intention, I could have posted pictures up on Facebook of her giving our daughter alcohol and finding it funny, and perhaps caused a major outcry but I didn't. That was for the courts to determine how they viewed it. All I wanted to say to those out there suffering and going through the same process is as hard as it may feel at times, don't ever give up.

[livednlearned]

Hi RH,

It's encouraging that you had a good experience in court after such a long period of alienation -- some of the worst I've read about here. Your ex giving your child alcohol is awful.    and taking a picture of it   and putting it on Facebook    and then making false allegations    That covers about all the negative emoticons.

I too had a positive experience in court, a terrific lawyer, and a good judge. Even so, it took me 4 years to put an end to the drama. Even the best experiences can take a lot of persistence.

Once you wind things down with court, take a good long look at Lesson 5, raising emotionally resilient kids. That's where the gold is. Your ex is not going to stop with her campaign because it's rooted in the disorder. But you can offset a lot of the worst damage by picking up some healthy emotional tools. They are a little more pronounced for our kids because they have a BPD parent, so it's a bit like Super Parenting. I have to do things different than my friends do, and that's just how it is. They didn't have a mentally ill parent trying to undo all their positive efforts.

I'm so happy for you that you had this experience RH.