Sometimes I wish he could be his best all the time

[Hannah S.]

We are a 20 something couple. He is kind, sweet, makes me extravagant dinners and basically would do anything for me. We just moved in together,  have started getting a real grip on our perspective careers... .And he got diagnosed with BPD. It's really hard to explain it. When he is having a bad day, he flips at anything, sleeps all day, plays games. On his worst days, he won't even go to work despite it being his favourite distraction activity. It has only been 3 months. He hasn't had any therapy yet. I would love some tips on how to encourage him to contribute to the house and work on his mental health with him, I often can't get through.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[123Phoebe]

Hi Hannah S and welcome!

Sounds like your life is moving forward; congrats on getting anchored in your perspective careers, that's a big milestone in life   As is moving in together.

Were you aware of his BPD behaviors before he was diagnosed? 

It has only been 3 months. He hasn't had any therapy yet. I would love some tips on how to encourage him to contribute to the house and work on his mental health with him, I often can't get through.

The very best tips I've found are provided in the Lessons to the right side of this screen---------->

Please have a look and continue to post with any thoughts that arise... .

You have come to the right place, where people truly understand.

It's great to have you here

[NGU]

I would love some tips

Hi Hannah.

If you have time, I would love a few extra details so I more fully understand your situation.

Do his lows come on gradually, or are they sudden and jarring?

Is he putting his job in jeopardy by not going to work on those days?

When he's low, how does he act toward you? In other words, is he argumentative or say anything hurtful... .or is he just lethargic and less talkative?

Is he on any medication?

Also, you say you often can't get through to him. How does he act when you try to bring up his diagnosis?

I second 123Phoebe's advice. It's helpful to get a better understanding of BPD, for a number of reasons.

Hope to hear back from you.