Facebook, Texting... Crutch or Godsend for pwBPD

[Oooohm]

Anyone else notice a drastic improvement in their BPD SO since the advent of texting, Facebook. Almost like they can now participate in society without the fear of getting too close to people.

I've never been on Facebook and usually Texting for me is about where we are going to meet face to face. My uBPDw however has created a "Life" on-line and with her cell phone while rarely ever seeing people face to face. Seems to have brought her some peace and stability.

(Except of course when someone doesn't text back right away... .or, God forbid, if someone ":)e-freinds" her... .Oh boy!)

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[Aurylian]

The good:

   communications are recorded, so less likely to say something bad

   can communicate in short form, less likely to cause confusion or be misinterpreted.

The bad:

   she texts all day long and doesn't get very much done.  Has no clue how much time she spends.

   if the non uses poor word choices, the text can come across cold, which leads to dysreg

In my case it seems like the less we communicate verbally, the less likely we go to the bad place.  But, this puts a very low ceiling on the quality of our relationship.

[EaglesJuju]

The good:

   communications are recorded, so less likely to say something bad

   can communicate in short form, less likely to cause confusion or be misinterpreted.

The bad:

   she texts all day long and doesn't get very much done.  Has no clue how much time she spends.

   if the non uses poor word choices, the text can come across cold, which leads to dysreg

This is exactly the same for me. My bf prefers texting, because he can go back and look at validating texts when he is a depressive state.

[waverider]

It does help with integration, but like most thinks that are helpful it can get abused to the point of destructiveness. The lack of face to face contact removes a degree of perceived accountability, makes it easier to fudge reality and go off into unattainable fantasy, which always results in feelings of failure eventually.

How easy is it to talk up an imaginary storm online, or be a keyboard hero?

Staying centered in a cyber world is not always that easy

[Oooohm]

How easy is it to talk up an imaginary storm online, or be a keyboard hero?

Good point waverider. I'm not on Facebook so I don't know what goes on.

I do see and hear she is a lot less "Self Isolated" than she was 10 years ago. And the people I know who are on there say she is very funny  (Humorous... .not "quirky weird".

Thanks for the in-sight.

[zeus123]

BPDs use texting and facebook abundantly for only one reason, it is to get narcissistic supply(adoration,admiration,love,etc). facebook for a BPD/NPD is heaven itself because this is where they could get a lot of attention to fulfill their ego. BPD person live for one thing only, and that is narcissistic supply. facebook/texting is galore supply for them.

[Chosen]

It doesn't work this way for my uBPDh.  Since you can't convey emotions via text/ email (e.g. you can use emojis but they can't see your expression), he almost often take everything I say and twist it so that I've somehow offended him.  Then I will be in JADE territory, or if I just accept that I was "wrong", I will have to apologise for things I didn't do.  So now I actually keep texts short and sweet, so that he has less reason to misunderstand.  If we talk, we talk face to face or not at all.  I no longer do deep conversations via email/ text as I've been hurt too many times.

And for Facebook, I find that he tends to "stalk" people on FB rather than actually engaging.  He particularly likes to find things that anger him.  For example, he will have a FB friend who posts extreme political views (different from his own, of course), and this will be the only thing he sees and he'll get so angry about something this person posted... .I guess that's the characteristic of pwBPDS- they see the littlest fault in things and keeps on zooming in until that's everything he sees.  He also hates it when people tags him for anything, because it either makes him look bad, or he doesn't want people to see him in a certain way. 

[Reecer1588]

Being a 19 year old, and therefore one of the youngest members here, here is what I've noticed about my uBPDexgf's online habits:

Text Messaging: During the course of our relationship, we wrote books upon books of text messages to one another. Even though I loved the girl, hell even I knew (and remember, I was loveblind) that something about this was weird. The vast majority of my ex's vitriol, passive aggressive behavior, as well as outright manipulation (for example, turning off her Read Receipts so I would just keep emotionally messaging her, yup.), came over Text. Basically, her voice was text. In person, she could emotionally rage, detach from me, devalue and idealize me, I'm not saying she didn't, but TEXT was the primary method.

Facebook If this just sounds weird to you, well... .Idk how it couldn't. My exgf did not have a facebook during our entire relationship. EXACTLY TWO DAYS before the last night I saw her (the night she drove me beyond my emotional limit), she made a facebook. Coincidence? And what's her profile picture? Her with this psychotic/demonic look looking directly into the camera. Later on, it looks like she has tried to use facebook moderately. She has 50 or so friends on there. It's weird, it's like she's using facebook almost as a "trail" for me. She's got friends on there that make everything public. So even though I blok her on facebook, I can still see these few pictures. That's how I've been able to see her latest pictures. That's how I've been able to see her considerable weight gain, the broken eyes/smile, and the teeth yellowing.

Netflix Plain and simple. Never seen someone watch so much of it in my entire life.

Pinterest Ah the window into her mind. Over 5,100 "pins." I do not have a pinterest. I am able to see her newest posts only, and anonymously. Consistently she posts tons of quotes about "When my abuser claims to be the victim""How to end a relationship" "you can meet someone tomorrow who has been intentions for you than someone you've known your whole life, time doesn't count, character does" "Close some doors in your life" "Surviving an abusive relationship with a narcissist." "I'm in therapy because of those who need to be in therapy." So on and so forth. This has been my only window into her mind. From what I can tell, she is brainwashing her mind into believing I was the cause of everything.



IMPORTANT If any of you have read my reply here, I would definitely be interested in your thoughts about that facebook bit. Why she made one exactly when she did, or if it's truly just coincidence.