Ultimatum?

[GeorgeTheDifferent]

Thanks Rick

Whatever the name, I only started realizing how distorted my relationships were because of my -- hmm, disorder? And whatever the name, I did so many things in the past that could simply put other people off or completely withdraw from any kind of r/s with me.

Genuinely concerned about other people happiness I could critisize their choices, suggest changes in their lives, even when not asked for advice, etc.

The only people whe are still around and still somehow close to me, are: BPDs, NPDs and DPD

At least I am aware now and started trying to control this. And getting rid of constant FOG because some people I know are not happy (or at least I think they are not).

And my lightbulb moment came just this morning: Last night I emailed my friend that I suspect he might have NPD and his wife and kids might be suffering. What kind of person could do this? How sick this is!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Stalwart]

Hey George:

Quick answer from my own experiences to: "What kind of person could do this? How sick this is!"

I don't know if the appropriate word is 'sick' or affected. NDP is as much a challenge as BPD and it's a mental illness, not a choice my friend.

The best springboard to approach another is first learing the depths of the illness, how it affects others and building a true and understanding empathy of the person and their lot in life. Through the process so many positive opportunities arise to better address a person that 'suffers' from an illness and the consequences it brings on them and others in their lives.

[GeorgeTheDifferent]

Oh, I think I didn't put it clearly enough. 'how sick it is' meant my behaviour, not his

I used to tell people bluntly why I think they are not happy and what they should do to get better (seek treatment, buy this brand, not that, etc). Sick, isn't it? I spent my life worrying about other people happiness and behaving like this. And there was never enough, there wasn't such amount of time and worry that could cause my feel of guilt to leave me. That especially increased after I left my wife. I can't even remember I could cook without anxiety because I felt I should be skyping with kids, not cooking... .

I also couldn't put healthy boundaries. Undergoing frustration led either to bursts or (more often) to fleeing elsewhere (hobby, friends, other women).

That's my life and at least I know what I need to work on to be more happy and have healthier r/s's.

I think one of the reasons might be because my mother often kept telling me how selfish I am (and she still says that, even though I am 44 years old).

[Stalwart]

It's a wise man who knows his own limitations and that they don't define him because he can always set the bar higher and run to leap it. Good for you my friend and best of luck with the new challenges.