Lost

[Derc]

I feel lost, my wife has been diagnosed with BPD since 2003. Along with that she has PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, OCD, and Panic Attacks.  I have become someone I'm not, not really sure who I am anymore. I no longer stand up for myself I just seem to do or say what I need to to neutralize the situation. About four years ago my wife cheated on me on several occasions with several different men over the course of two years. So now I don't have trust anymore. She has threatened suicide many times over the course of the relationship with one trip in an ambulance do to an overdose. She took a whole bottle of meds and my kids found her at home and called me at work.  I work a full time job, do 95% of the cooking, cleaning, packing lunches, giving my wife her meds, and driving the kids where they need to go. I am exhausted in the morning and exhausted at night. The only thing I do for myself is workout in the basement when I can which is only when everyone else is in bed sleeping. Conversations are near impossible because I can't speak my feelings because she gets upset because it is no longer about her feelings. I love her I want her to be happy but so do I. Thank you for listening.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Notwendy]

Hi Derk,

I am sorry that you are facing issues that have brought you here. I think you will find that you are not alone and that others are also dealing with similar issues. I hope you have been able to read some of the lessons that are on this board.

It is good that you have taken the time to work out and take care of yourself. Self care is important in every relationship and difficult ones. It is great that you are being a good father to your children. This has a huge impact in their lives. My mother has BPD and while I have posted about my father being co-dependent, I also give him huge credit for him being my parent. Like you, he took on the major work of raising us and I will always be grateful for that. I know it was a major effort on his part. As hard as this is now, the kids do grow up, and while they need less hands on care, they need your love and affirmation always.

Keep posting and learning.

[milesperhour]

Wow, Derc, with that much stress, I am surprised you still have the composure to keep a job and take care of your home ... .My heart goes out to you.  There are many men here that have found peace and self respect despite their wives' behaviors.  I hope you will be one of them.