Feeling low today with breakup... need advices

[jdm3]

My name is JD. I have been involved with the most classic BPD girl for the past 2 years.  As you can imagine it has turmoil throughout.  Unfortunately, I am her employer!  I have covered for her in every way imaginable and put up with behavior that I would have fired anyone else for long ago.  I have broke up with her multiple times, but have been drawn back in time and time again.  She is a very beautiful girl, with model like looks.  She is also very sexually seductive and will climb into my bed in the middle of the night when we are broken up.  I WANT OUT.  She hates my 3-year-old daughter, which I have every other weekend, and is not any part of her life.  She  done a great job of alienating me from any friends and is gradually destroying my ego and personality.  When I break up with her she acts like the complete b___ from hell in the office and tries her best to destroy my ability to work.  I honestly believe that if I fire her, she will do everything in her power to destroy my client base and reputation, which I have worked so hard to build.  I have recently began to begin being socially active playing 2 man beach volleyball leagues.  She refused to come out and meet anyone or watch, but was livid that I began playing.  As, you all probably know, this is just the tip of the iceburg!  I really was very much in love with the girl I met, but as time has passed, I realize that there is not a BPD quality that she does not possess, and magnifies them all.  I am exhausted, frustrated and very sad.  I want so very much to get my life back!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Heldfast]

2 things. 1) Talk to an employment attorney about your possible remedies. But save every text, communication from her etc. 2) She doesn't deserve you! If she is truly BPD or just a miserable human being, she's toxic to you, get away from her, as much as possible. Give that love to someone who supports your efforts, appreciates them, and is a partner to you in such. Don't be in the FOG, and don't be lured by sex. If the sex isn't making you feel good, what's it for then really?

[Aurylian]

JD,

Glad you are here to discuss this.  Do be aware that you are on the staying forum, which is best for learning how to grow and learn tools to maintain the relationship.  If you are not sure if you want to stay or go, the Undecided forum would be much better.

Is there any way to get her transferred to someone else in your company so they can deal with the HR part?  Not to pile on, but you messed up by getting into a relationship with someone who works under you.  Almost always leads to disaster.  I don't see how you can get any improvement at work or at home until you get her out from under you at work.  This should be a priority. 

Heldfast is right about saving emails, etc.  Also, I would not have any serious interactions with her at work without someone else to witness.  No closed door meetings.

After that you can evaluate what to do with the relationship.