Choosing to give her the space she wants

[ptap]

My girlfriend just the other day has told me she needs time away because she feels that she cannot give me the love i deserve she is suffering from BPD. it is day two now and i know she has been talking to someone else she works with but she still tells me there is nothing going on with it yet i caught her talking to him. she says right now she is not interested in anyone and stilll loves me but is confused about what she needs to do to make herself happy. i am always here for her no matter what we have been together for over a year and she has told me she needs space a few times now. this time seems different i can tell she is struggling she has noone to talk to about this she takes anti depressants her phyc gave her i am more interested in her well being than my feelings at the moment but i dont know whether to give her her space and let her be alone or try to help

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Heldfast]

Give her space and immediately work on you. Made the mistake of chasing mine and it drove her away further and faster and created a block out of her and the replacement. Be strong, be the best you possible. She will notice and respond to that better than the chase. It sucks, it's hard, and it is what we are here to help you with. Good luck, stay strong. Better yet, get stronger and take care of you.

[Turkish]

This is always tough, ptap. Though the people in our lives (diagnosed BPD, or strongly traited) seem to share many of the same behaviors, they are individuals whose reactions can be unpredictable.

My Ex wanted me to tell her (order?) her to not go out clubbing when she should have been home with me and our 1 and 3 year old. Would it have made a difference? She said after she ran to a new man, that it would have. Perhaps... .for a while, but now I will never know.

pwBPD (people with BPD) have trouble controlling their emotions. Feelings are facts, and as feelings change, so do the facts in their minds. It's distorted thinking. They also react to abandonment real or perceived.

We have a lessons here in the right hand margin of the board---->

It might help you evaluate where you are going with this, as well as learning more about BPD in the process, which can also help you make decisions and reduce conflict.

Turkish

[an0ught]

  ptap,

yeah, it can be confusing. Give me space may be about breathing space or may be a good bye without having to do something painful. And giving breathing space may be giving breathing space or might be perceived as abandonment. Giving breathing space might be about right now or may be a careful consideration of  her general needs. Have I mentioned it can be confusing 

A big part of dealing with these confusing situations is for us to learn to communicate better. Having a clear idea of the emotions at the time when the words were spoken can often help us to better understand what is the intent and react in a more appropriate way. You find the LESSONS (see links ---> and especially the topic of "Validation" useful for that purpose.

Welcome to board,

a0