Hi sim1,
Welcome aboard.
I am sorry that are you have such a difficult time. I understand what it feels like to have things constantly being blamed on you. Coping with behaviors from a person with BPD (pwBPD) can be completely overwhelming. You have come to the right place for support and tools to help you improve your relationship.
It is really easy to get lost in your partners emotions and completely neglect your own. Unfortunately, our pwBPD can consume a lot of our energy and time when we are feeling that we are constantly walking on eggshells. There are things we can do to alleviate this. Although we cannot change our pwBPD's behaviors and thoughts, we do have the ability to change our own.
The best way to improve our relationship is to start focusing on our own needs. For a very long time, I completely forgot about my own needs and primarily focused on my pwBPD's. I constantly spent the majority of my time focused on my bf's behaviors. I ended up feeling overwhelmed, angry, and feeling exhausted. I found that having an outside support group of friends, family, and my therapist really helped me. My support system helped me alleviate a lot of frustration. Having less frustration and anxiety helped me support my bf. Taking care of yourself first is really important. Do you have a support system?
Also, we can learn how to change how we communicate. Prior to using communication tools, I tended to add fuel to the fire and argued back and forth with my bf. Other times, I would not say anything in fear of him getting upset or angry. Most of the time I ended up feeling angry for not being able to say anything or frustrated. Learning communication tools has helped me address my concerns with my bf. Here is an article to help you get started.
Communication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN)Looking forward to reading your response.
