I really need help. I decided to give my BPbf one more chance and decided to stay and attempt to work through the relationship. Being on the fence was tearing everything apart more, and I honestly was very close to ready to leave, but just don't feel ready. I really do love him, have been with him eight years and want to see things through. I don't want to do the whole backstory again, but here are the cliffnotes:
Backstory: things almost ended when I found out he crossed a lot of boundaries with 3 people of the opposite sex one of which was my best friend who is the one that busted him to me in the first place, which lead to me finding out about the others he had been texting. Nothing was physically done, but I still don't doubt that if she had been willing he would have actually cheated.
Long story short she is my best friend AND business associate we are both entrepreneurs that do trade shows, and along with my BP bf we would split costs of travel and hotel and help each other with set up etc etc and had a really good thing going. My bestie wound up going through a divorce and we were wanting more space and to cut costs even more so of course we offered to have her move in. Everything was going great we helped her move to our state and I had no idea there was anything amiss. Two weeks before the move my best friend told us she didn't think she felt comfortable anymore living with us, she made a ton of excuses but they all sounded like they could be worked through to me and just different personalities clashing. Finally because I actually got upset and felt a bit screwed over as we already had put in our notice, she showed me the texts that she didn't want to even tell me about because she didn't want to break up my relationship and felt horrible and conflicted.
She WAS going to talk to him too but their work schedules kept conflicting and we were never able to fully have this all out as a group. I almost broke up with him then and there, and was considering it, but he agreed to go to DBT and he is supposed to start this month. It has just been a waiting game.
So fast forward to now. I was on the "unsure if staying or leaving" forum. My BPbf told me I needed to make a decision and he did want to be with me, but didn't want to work on things with me if I was just going to leave. I was on the fence for two weeks of hell and finally decided I wanted to see how things go with him in counseling. He has been going to his private T and is supposed to have his meds switched too. All that has been good, but I feel like most of the time I have to hold my breath. This girl is STILL my best friend and now I can't have them both at shows. Smaller shows I have had to go alone with her for. And we had big plans for larger shows, but because he has been giving her the silent treatment or bad mouthing her to me regardless of how many times I tell him to stop and to respect my boundary not to speak ill of my best friend, he won't respect it, she isn't comfortable sharing a hotel with him. So, I either don't bring him or can't room with my best friend and things will be a lot more expensive. Also less fun and just not the same. However, he does really great at trade shows, he also does all the heavy labor that I can't do, does all the driving, (used to split it with my friend) and is a great salesman. Even though I am the artist and the creative mind behind our business he and I really built it together, and I enjoy working with him. It is one of the only times he is at his best.
I have given it a couple months, but this is our busy season and the time is dwindling away. My bestie said she would be willing to room or work with him if he would just talk to her and apologize and they can work things out. He has refused to do so and says he, "doesn't need trash like her in his life." He is saying she screwed us over by hurting us financially by bailing on the duplex we put a down payment on 2 weeks before we were supposed to move. I already spoke to her and the ONLY part I believe she has which she owned to me is she should have said something sooner since apparently this had been going on for months. However, if my BPbf hadn't crossed boundaries none of this would have happened in the first place but he refuses to own that, will go into a full on meltdown and give ME the silent treatment if I bring it up because he says he is done apologizing, and she screwed us over and he doesn't want her in his life. He says I can do what I want aka be friend with her but he does't want to hear about it or be near her. So for the past month since our move I have had her over only while he is at work, go out with her, and can't even tell him things I want to tell him about if it involves her. But it is really tiring and hurts my business now that I cant have them get along to do shows. He is flat out refusing even when I presented it as can you just at least be diplomatic and work it out so you can work with her? You don't have to be friends just be friendLY and task talk and be business friendly. He just won't do it. So now I am in the middle in this explosion I didn't even cause.
Also my birthday is coming up this month and I have mentioned numerous times to him that I am worried my bday will now be horrible (and it is a big milestone which his was last year and I made his very special) I told him I just want my friends there and don't want all this, but he won't look at himself. My best friend is like a saint or something because even though he really made things hard on HER when she actually really wanted to live with us, AND she was going through a divorce from a 10 year marriage. For my sake she is completely willing to make up with him, she just doesn't want to live with him. He is the one being difficult.
Sorry for writing so much. I got in a fight with him today by bringing it up and even trying to give him some incentive financially because to me it is a business investment to have my co-workers that are both important assets get along, but he got pissed and is now giving me the silent treatment, because he said he doesn't want anything to do with her. What should I do? I love them both and feel so torn and in the middle.
