Loosing my mind and my pride?

[muscleheadml]

So my story Is like many other I have read about since I found out my GF has BPD... .She is 58 as am I ... .We kind of knew each other for a couple years on facebook as we grew up in the same area... .After a year or so of harmless Facebook flirting we went out for a beer ... .I was not seeing anyone ... I am not sure about her as there is a long story behind that... .I will not give a long version as it is epic... .We moved in together at her request after about 3 months of dating... .She is beautiful, Sex was amazing , killer personality I thought I won the Lotto... .Then disaster struck... .She was always getting text in middle of night from ex BF in Isreal ... .She goes to bathroom one a.m I pickup her phone (which is unlike me but I feel some thing is wrong)I read in text... .I want to breakup with him but I am afraid he might kill himself... .I was beyond shocked... .I didn't even know there was a problem... .Horriable day... .here we are a year later and it has been a  roller  coaster it took me a couple months to understand she has BPD... .Therapy, books , fights, good times ... bad time... .are lease is up in two months and we say we will keep dating... .I don't trust her... .she is always on facebook and we are no longer friend on there... .but I feel for her as I she pain she is in... .She love her daughter but smothers her ... she is 21... .she lost her mom in last year... and her dog... I try so hard to understand ... but sometimes I just want to quit... .Yes I see a therapist... .any advise?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, muscleheadml &

I'm so sorry for the stress and pain you are going through with your girlfriend... .You are right; everyone on this Board will understand your situation, and be able to commiserate. I'm so glad you found us!

I'm really happy that you have a Therapist, and I hope that your sessions are helping you; keep going--many of us are in Counseling, or have been there (I have, too), and have found it very helpful. Also helpful would be for you to check out every link to the right-hand side of this page. The Lessons and all the other links will give you a very good idea of just how your girlfriend's mind works, and what you can do to deal with her better.

There are also very good Feature Articles (located under the 4 photos at the top of the Staying Board's thread listing page, or here: When a partner, spouse or girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder) that have good insights and tips for making things better in your relationship.

How long have you two actually been living together? How long were things pretty much going well? In this last year, which has been so hard for you, has she found out what has made you so upset? Have you talked to her about her Ex? Has she indicated to you that she would like to leave you? I'm so sorry for your pain, muscleheadml, and encourage you to read all you can on this site, and to tell us more of your story... .We want to help 

[muscleheadml]

We have been living together for a year now, the lease is up in July and we are looking for separate places... .She stays in touch with a few of her ex through facebook... .she talked about breaking up before but now wants to be dating when we move out... .She knows now that I know she has BPD... at first she denied it but now has come around... .Finding out he has BPD has totally made sense of our relationship... .all the pieces fit... .it is scary how good she is at what she does... .My therapist said I walked right by every red flag because I was thinking with wrong body part... .That being said my family loves ... .her and so do I ... .I just don't know where it all ends... .and should I get out before I get crushed... .Thanks

[EaglesJuju]

Hi muscleheadml, 

Welcome aboard. 

I am sorry that you are going through this.   I understand how difficult it is to understand BPD behaviors. It is hard to make sense out of illogic. Reading and learning about BPD does truly help making sense out of the illogical behavior. 

You mentioned that your SO is aware that she suffers from BPD, is she seeking treatment?

I can understand how you may be worried about your SO's Facebook habits and her texting of her ex.  To extent Rapt Reader's question, have you discussed your feelings about your SO's Facebook habits or the texts between her and her ex?