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Author Topic: HELP Made a terrible mistake  (Read 458 times)
ABro12

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« on: May 03, 2015, 08:51:27 AM »

I'm putting this in the staying forum because I want to be in a relationship with my SO and would like some constructive critiscism on said situation... .Also, if you need more backstory, I have one other post on here with that info.

Things have taken a turn for the worst today, and I fear I have made a grave mistake.!First I want to tell you that my contact with my SO is limited to text these days. So that is where the majority of our conversations have taken place.

Today I wrote him and told him that "I was having a hard time not talking to you or being around you." He asked me if I was okay and I said "no not really. I'm having a hard time with my feelings for you. I know you don't feel the same way (me trying to get a straight clear answer with a different tactic) and I'm sorry to keep bothering you with it."

He said "I'm sorry  I feel super ugly." (No clear answer again)

I tried the SET communication tool to make him feel understood, but it didn't help much.

Then, I asked him if he was capable of giving me a straight answer if I asked him a specifix question and he said yes, so I asked him ":)o you have any legit feelings for me?"

He replied with "Yes but as a friend. It's all I can handle with anyone. It's the truth."

I was onviously frustrated because we've been friends for almost a year and for 4 of those months He has led me to believe we were more than friends until April when BPD decided to rear it's head.  He knows he has borderline and I've tried so hard to get him to see that I will treat him right(I know it takes more than love to make a difference but I'm just saying I've been very underdtanding). So when he told me thst he had feelings only as friends, I ended up writing him a long message that I've told him before... .That said "if he knew he wasn't capable of being more than friends then he shouldnt have made me think that he wanted more for months. That I really loved him and it was real to me and that I was hurt" and all this and I thankes him for giving me a straight answer and told him I wasn't being hateful. I waited 10 minutes for a reply but didnt get one. So I sent another message and told him that "I didnt think I was capable of only being his friend because my feelings for him were too strong. Being his friend would only give me hope for something I couldn't have. But that I hoped he got himself some help and worked out his issues so he could learn tk trust himself and others in order to have a happy life."

Again, I got nothing. So I ended my messages with "Maybe I'll see you around, but if not, I love you and goodbye." Then I deleted him from facebook and my phone.

I want to make it clear that I did NOT want to end this and I don't really think I did. He made it clear that he didn't want to be anything but my friend even if his actions and other comments have suggested otherwise at times. I feel so guilty though. I have tried and tried to get this man to come around, but it's all I can do to get him to agree to even meet me, so what was I supposed to do? I didn't want to be like the other girls who abandoned him or allowed him to push them away, but I feel like he gave me no choice. I don't want this to be the end. I don't. This was my way of showing him that I wasn't going to be hanging around waiting on him to get it together in hopes that he will realize that I'm serious. All of his other previous gfs are still his friends on facebook and stuff, but I'm not which I was hoping would make him realize that I'm not playing around But Did I just ruin everything?

I feel so bad and confused. I feel like I ultimately ended up doing the very thing he thought I was going to do which is abandon him... .Even though for the last two weeks I haven't been very involved in his life at all anyway and the entire month of April was a struggle in general too... .  I have been making all of the contacting happen... .

I want  to believe that my actions today will make him realize what he has lost but I know he isn't like normal people. Does anyone have any advice or insight for me on how I can fix this? Or is no contact (even if it was initiated by me) a good thing if I want this to work out?

Was this a good strategy or a complete screw up?

My hope is that I hear from him soon and my hope is that if I do he will be ready to try to get some help and make changes. I hope I haven't just royally screwed my "relationship" up

I am so lost.
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ABro12

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« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2015, 09:44:41 AM »

Also just wanted to say that around two weeks ago he told me that he hoped we could still be friends because he liked hanging out with me and talking... .Yet I had barely heard from him after that unless I texted him first and honestly, I feel like any attempt to "hangout" would not have happened. So I'm just confused. I really hope I can fix this or that what I did will make him come around... .
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Loosestrife
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« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2015, 04:34:23 PM »

Hi abro12

I'm really sorry you're going through this, it sounds like a very anxious time for you. My advice for what it's worth is to stop contacting him. Take some time out and reflect on what you want from this person - friendship or relationship - and be honest with yourself. Spend some time doing some nice things for you and with friends and people you trust to regain some balance and sense of self. If he contacts you again then think before you reply. Keep posting on here if it helps.

Take care

L
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ABro12

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« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2015, 05:39:08 PM »

Loosestrife

Thanks for replying. I wish more people would... .

This is day 3 of no contact. I want to be with my exSO, but it's ultimately up to him. I am the one the severed ties, but that is because I don't feel like I can be a good friend to him so long as I love him. I would only be torturing myself. We were friends for the longest time, and if anything, I'd like to be good friends again in the future. But right now, my emotions are too strong... .And well, I kind of told him I couldn't be his friend for the time being. These are my two wishes:

1) I hope that by telling him in a kind way that I couldn't be his friend right now BECAUSE I love him too much doesn't make him afraid to contact me in the future or make him feel like he can't contact me... .

2) That no contact will give him time to sort out his emotions and figure out what it is that he REALLY wants and that he will get help in making that or "us" happen.

Our relationship was never ugly... .At least to the degree that I've seen on here. Our main problem was really intimacy. He wasn't able to let me in even though I know he wanted to. He wouldn't let it go beyond surface level intimacy and even that didn't have a broad range.

I am trying to get back to myself for the time being. I'm going to continue working on my physical health and mental health... .And I guess continue reading about borderline so I am prepared if he does decide to break no contact.
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Mike-X
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« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2015, 06:54:09 PM »

Welcome to the boards. I am sorry to hear that this exchange took place.

I see that you have read about S.E.T. Can you provide details on the message that you sent?

Also, can you provide a little background on what you know about BPD?

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« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2015, 07:04:42 PM »

Abro12,

I see that you are really hurting right now, and so I hope that my opinion is helpful. It takes two to have a relationship, and it is hurtful when one wants more than the other. You are asking about "grave mistake". I think this is something that people who are in a r/s where they are walking on eggshells fear, because one little thing can be seen as a "grave mistake" by the person with BPD. However, in the grand scheme of things, what is really a "grave mistake?" Were you intentionally nasty? Did you steal all his money? What we fear as grave mistakes can be ordinary disagreements, or small issues, that emotionally healthy people can handle. Someone with a poor sense of self would not, and so it would feel catastrophic to them. That, however, is not your fault.

What I gather from your post is that you have been friends with this person, and have feelings for him, more than friends. To which he stated this:

"He replied with "Yes but as a friend. It's all I can handle with anyone. It's the truth."


Here, you had a choice- to remain in contact with him as a friend ( and deal with the hurt you may have from this situation) or to decide not to be friends.  Both are reasonable decisions if they are made with your feelings in mind- that is- if you are acting from your authentic self. When we act from that place, it isn't painful- the loss of the relationship is painful- but if we are true to ourselves, then that usually doesn't make us feel bad about ourselves. When we don't- when our actions come with another intention- to control or manipulate someone else- then we feel bad in a sense because we are not acting with our true selves in mind.

So, it is reasonable to dissolve the friendship in order to gain some space to deal with the hurt, because sometimes to be friends when you want more makes it hard to heal. It would be like opening up the pain each time you were in contact. Some people say " this is tough, I need to take care of myself" and break up the friendship.

Some phrases you mention:

I have tried and tried to get this man to come around, but it's all I can do to get him to agree to even meet me,

I want  to believe that my actions today will make him realize what he has lost

Was this a good strategy or a complete screw up?

My hope is that I hear from him soon and my hope is that if I do he will be ready to try to get some help and make changes.


These are some typical feelings we have after a relationship is lost. I think we all want the ex to realize that we are the best thing that ever happened to them!  Maybe you are having all kinds of conflicting thoughts and feelings right now.

Here is the main point: Have you seen anywhere that I said you made a "grave mistake? " or are a screw up? No. You are someone who cares a lot about someone, wanted a relationship, even got some mixed signals from him, but he has said he is not able to be more than friends. This really hurts. However, you can not gravely screw up a relationship that isn't mutual in the first place, and staying friends while you wish for more hurts too. Also, you have not done anything that many people would consider to be a "grave mistake" . You are being human!

The truth is though, no matter how much we wish someone to love us, no matter how much we try to make them come around or pursue us, we can't ever control the feelings or actions of another human being. Whatever your friend decides, is up to him, and isn't based on what you did. He may or may contact you. However, I hope that the space and time gives you a chance to heal from this hurt. Caring about someone else, and also creating some distance in order to take care of yourself is not a 'grave mistake". You are worthy of having a relationship with someone who wants to have one with you.

I hope you feel better soon.






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ABro12

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« Reply #6 on: May 05, 2015, 07:17:33 PM »

Thanks for replying.

I just wanted to make it clear that we "were" in a relationship for months and it was great. Then he just up and decided to okay the "im not capable of being in a relationship" card on me. He did this once before at the beginning of april but the very next day came back and said "i dont wanna lose you, i've been crying all morning I wish you were here, I don't want rid of you baby". So this hasn't been just a one sided affair the whole time which is part of my frustration. Literally, in the span on 30 minutes while I was with him one night, he told me two contradicting statements being: "This is the closest ive been with someone which is good. I'm giving in and I'm comfortable with you." And "If it were up to me I'd be alone."

You can read my other post if you want, it goes into detail about our relationship, but I just wanted to make it known that we were actually together romantically at one point then the mixed emotions started happening. I have struggled with trying to figure out what it is he really wants... .What emotion is strongest in him? The need to have me there or the security of being alone? Which is why I've presurred him... .I wish I hadn't though because doing so only made it worse. I had not read much about BPD and didn't realize that they need distance sometimes... .

I appreciate what you said though. I just have a lot of guilt because I told him that I wouldn't give up on him then I ended up saying thay I couldnt be his friend "right now." Hopefully, it didn't take that to mean "forever." I have definitely been walking on eggshells, but only to spare his feelings. He isn't really an "angry" type... .Just sad. I've always been nothing but nice to him. Everything I have ever said has come from a place of love and care. At least I have that.
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« Reply #7 on: May 05, 2015, 07:27:09 PM »

I understand how confusing it must feel to have been in e relationship with him and then have him say these things.

By now, I think you are familiar with the "push pull" nature of these relationships. This can be confusing and hurtful.

People with BPD are afraid of abandonment, yet sometimes their actions lead to people abandoning them. However, this can be looked at another way. Abandonment sounds like the other person is being cruel to the person with BPD. However, are they taking care of themselves?

Loving someone with BPD can make us feel as if they are our victim when we take care of ourselves. Although you did promise to "not give up on him" sometimes that is not a promise one can keep if it involves giving up on ourselves. If you need the distance to take care of your feelings after being told by him that this can not be more than friends, that is taking care of yourself.


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ABro12

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« Reply #8 on: May 05, 2015, 08:56:01 PM »

Notwendy

Thank you. That makes a lot of sense and makes me feel a little better about my decision to distance myself.

After I explained everything through text, I unfortunately didn't get a reply. Not even a goodbye which sucks. But I'm not oblivious to the fact that he is probably hurting because he feels he lost a friend... .I'm certain I'm the only person he's been able to talk to about his problems "in depth" with, so I know that must hurt.

Although I deleted him from facebook, he is still visible on fb messenger. The day after I told him these things on text, I saw that he read my last messages on fb messenger in the am and then in the pm... .Not sure if that means he misses me or not, but it's something.

Got on his sisters page and saw that she'd wrote something asking for prayers for the family, that things need to stop and it's gone on long enough... .Another fam mem posted that they were worried about something happening over there. I have an awful feeling that they are talking about him... .I just hope if they are and he is not in a good place then he will reach out to me. He really doesn't have many people
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ABro12

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« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2015, 09:02:57 PM »

Mike-X

I told him that I was having trouble not being around him and stuff and his reply was

"I'm sorry  I feel super ugly"

So I used SET like this

"I care about you and I know it must be uncomfortable to feel that way, but you seemed confident a while back"

This was my first time apllying this... .So it wasn't that good.

He just said "I can't remember the last time I felt confident"

I've been reading about the push/pull cycle, engulfment, communication techniques, recycling... .I've read through some of the lessons and many of the personal experiences. I still have a lot to learn clearly... .especially in regards to how I choose to react when I'm frustrated over his dodging and things... .But that isn't an issue now since we aren't talking  
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Loosestrife
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« Reply #10 on: May 06, 2015, 03:25:22 PM »

Abro - I would try and stay away from social media for a bit. You have explained via text and now the rest is up to him. BPDs are used to people chasing after them - how else can the push/pull strategy work?. By refusing to chase you are starting to set your boundaries.
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« Reply #11 on: May 06, 2015, 03:26:43 PM »

How are you feeling today, hopefully you will feel more calm as each day passes. 
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ABro12

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« Reply #12 on: May 06, 2015, 05:05:03 PM »

Loosestrife, I felt like this was a boundary too.

I'm actually not doing too well today. I've been numb... .But today my emotions decided to break free. A lot of it was sadly me feeling incredibly sorry for him because I know this disorder is terrible and I found myself getting angry at the people who must have did things to him to make him this way... .

Unfortunately, I messaged one of his ex gfs to see if she had a similar experience... .They dated about 4 years ago (about the time he told me he gave up on relationships), and apparently their dynamic was very different... .

I asked her if he allowed her to be intimate and she said yes that it was the only thing that saved him. Meanwhile, I can't get anything more than a hand hold and cuddle because he "isn't capable of anything more" even though he told me when we were good that he'd like to be intimate with me.

She even told me that when they broke up, he camped on her back porch for two days... .And when they were together they had no real problems but the sex was all that they really had going for them. We on the otherhand, actually have things in common and shared things... .Just not intimacy.

I just feel so confused... .I don't know if he was just royally disgusted by me and was afraid of hurting my feelings even though I told him he could tell me (but he did initiate cuddling and stuff) or if he has changed so much since that relationship with her that he is just a broken person... .I wish someone could give me some insight. Would he not try for me as he did for her? It really sucks... .She seems nice and stuff but I feel like I am way more compatible with him but apparently he doesnt think so... .

Oh... .And she also told me that he texted her today (did I cause this by severing ties) which was weird because they hadn't talked in forever. (She is in a serious relationship with someone else though)... .I saw the message. He just told her that he hoped she was doing good, but still... .He should be texting me and concerned about how I'm freaking feeling. Makes me so mad... .I literally just want to send him hate mail and let him know how absolutely disgusted I am by all this... .I've been nothing but nice and it's gotten me nowhere. Actually, I think that may have been where I messed up... .She even told me that when they were together she learned that by NOT asking him if he was okay and whats wrong it actually made him care more... .Ugh

She also said, that the message I sent about not being able to remain friends was perfect and that it should make him come around if I can sit tight and be patient... .But so far I haven't seen any sign of him missing me or anything. I just don't know. I want to scream and I want to cry all in the same breath.
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ABro12

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« Reply #13 on: May 06, 2015, 05:15:29 PM »

I just wish I knew if were actually the BPD doing this or if it is him not being attracted to me.

He has said he is... .And the other things he's said suggest it too... .But man, after hearing her story I just feel so rejected. They apparently had great sex... .Which is also weird because one of his self esteem issues has to do with that area (or so he says). And kissing? He's told me he was a great kisser and that hed give me the best kisses... .Then the time comes and I'm denied because "he doesn't want to feel anything." Wth

Just confusion... .Confusion everywhere.
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Mike-X
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« Reply #14 on: May 06, 2015, 06:23:05 PM »

Thanks for your replies earlier. It is good that you are learning what you can about BPD. It is a challenging disorder to get one's head wrapped around, to say the least.

I thought that I understood why you sent the texts to end the relationship. However, after re-reading your original and subsequent posts, I am a little confused. Can you help me to understand why you wanted to end the relationship and now why you are currently thinking that you don't want to end the relationship?
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ABro12

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« Reply #15 on: May 06, 2015, 06:42:43 PM »

Mike-X

I never wanted to end it. Still don't... .

If you want to get technical, HE ended the romantic relationship by pretending we were never in one and playing the "i'm not capable" card. He did this once before, but the next day he told me he didnt wanna lose me and we made up... .

This last time, he seemed pretty clear that he only wanted to be friends (at least that is what his fear is telling him)... .And I told him that I wasn't capable of being "just" friends right now because I cared about him too much and would always be wanting more... .

I said that because I don't feel like I can be a good friend to him so long as I have romantic feelings for him. I regretted it immidiately after sending it though... .For many reasons. One of those reasons is because I want to remain in his life, but I fear I just made him lose all trust he had in me... .Among other things. I just wanted "time" to heal my broken heart... .Never wanted it to sound permanent or anything. And truthfully, I was hoping by placing this boundary there (making it clear I wouldn't chase anymore) I was hoping that would make him chase me like he did the last time this all happened... .No luck though
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« Reply #16 on: May 10, 2015, 01:28:00 PM »

ABro, I've had a similar dynamic in my relationship with my BPDex and relate to a lot of what you've posted.  But I want just to respond to your questions about sex.  In many, many BPD relationships, sex and particularly (for some reason) kissing is withheld, especially by BPD men, with women with whom they feel especially emotionally close.  Always, the kissing thing is explained in terms of not wanting to re-ignite the "feelings."

For what it's worth, when we were first together, my ex and I had fabulous sex.  This was an anomaly compared to many of his other brief passionate flings, which seemed to sputter when they were about to go to bed together.  I now realize he has incredible fear about being used for sex.  He was a victim of childhood sexual abuse.  It doesn't take much to figure that one out.  So the women he never slept with weren't being rejected based on attraction or even trust issues specific to them.

More particular to us, the closer we got emotionally, the more disinclined he was to have sex with me.  He recently proposed a sort of life long celibate partnership.  He wanted to be super close to me in all other ways, and even committed, in a sense.  But he needed it to not include sex.  Or at least, he needed to know it wouldn't HAVE to include sex.

My confidence has been shaken in so many ways by this r/s but I am 1000% sure our sexual relationship was good for him.  In recent conversations he even made a few references to it in a way that confirms he still sees it that way.  Yet he very firmly ruled out going back to it in whatever next chapter he wanted to set up with me.

I am confused as all get out about what I should have done about this, but that is not the point of this post.  The point is that YOU should not feel rejected because your guy has had a hard time crossing that line into physical intimacy with you.  Almost the opposite. Some people cannot combine physical and emotional intimacy, and it sounds like that may be true for him.  "Just friends," in fact, may primarily pertain to his need not to have sex.
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« Reply #17 on: May 10, 2015, 07:39:29 PM »

Wow patientandclear, there was a time when my H wanted little to do with me physically, and most noteworthy, he refused to kiss me. I wish I had known I was not the only one going through this. I was not aware of BPD at the time.

I think this was so hurtful to me that I have not really gotten over it. I wish I could have understood why he did this, since of course he blamed me for it. I felt so unattractive and rejected. I think this is the most painful memory for me ,but he acts as if it was no big deal.
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« Reply #18 on: May 10, 2015, 08:10:13 PM »

NotWendy: many of the women I've become close to via BPDF have had that experience -- with their male BPD partner being (sometimes grudgingly) willing to have sex, but withholding kissing. It seems to be the "switch" that turns on unwelbcome emotions and feelings of closeness. I think it's a regulator.

Interestingly, in one case, the BPD also accused his female partner of "raping" him by making him want to have sex with her. In fact he wanted it too, and he initiated, but he had it in his head that he would lose her AS A FRIEND if he wouldn't have sex.  It took her promising she would still stay around without sex for him to own that he had independent sexual desire for her outside of trying to "keep" her with sex, which he resented like crazy, understandably.  Kissing was ruled out as they were "just friends" -- that's how he policed that line. (They have a good r/ship now and have talked through a lot of the weird dynamics of the early days, but he clearly needed to know he didn't HAVE to give any of this, before he could choose to enjoy it for himself.)

Many other stories I've heard firsthand from female partners of BPD men have this same weird thing about no kissing. So I hope you can go back and strip that of some of its rejection power. It seems to mean "I am scared of the emotional power you have over me."
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« Reply #19 on: May 10, 2015, 09:06:49 PM »

Thanks so much. Your reply brought tears to my eyes. I still remember this with so much sadness. I really did  not understand what was going on, and blaming me for it made it so hurtful.

He was content to have sex without kissing, and in fact, would rage if I refused.
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« Reply #20 on: May 11, 2015, 06:18:22 AM »

I would be interested in knowing more about this "kissing" thing. The more I read here, the more my H "fits" the picture. It has been bewildering to me because he is also so high functioning. However, I also consider that my perspective is influenced by having been raised by someone who is at the extreme of BPD, so what looks "normal" to me could not be to someone else.

My H has enough self awareness that he realized at some level that his behavior was causing harm to the marriage and has attempted somewhat to improve it. It's enough for me to consider that there is more good to the relationship than bad. However, not knowing what was going on, being blamed for all of it, has changed my perception of the relationship. Maybe ironically for the better as I am not so starry eyed over "love", and I am more about this radical acceptance.

"I am scared of the emotional power you have over me."  just about says it, although I didn't consider it as power- but I see where he did because he did everything he could to assert power and control over me. I do realize though that we get along better when I give him space- emotionally, in the r/s and remain caring but a bit detached. My H dislikes this though. I realized he liked all that one way longing and love- being the recipient of it. I think he emotionally felt the same way but it would not have felt safe for him to return it.

I think the kissing thing worked both ways for us in terms of detachment. I didn't want emotionally detached sex. I wanted marital intimacy. At the time, the kids were little and showing signs of stress over the arguing in the house. Those late night rages were awful. It puzzled me that if he didn't want to kiss me, then why not leave me? I would not have fought it. However, I didn't initiate that- one reason was that the kids were stressed as it was, so I did the only thing I knew which would diminish the rages and not kiss or expect any affection. It was very hurtful.
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 27


« Reply #21 on: May 15, 2015, 11:00:10 AM »

NotWendy: many of the women I've become close to via BPDF have had that experience -- with their male BPD partner being (sometimes grudgingly) willing to have sex, but withholding kissing. It seems to be the "switch" that turns on unwelbcome emotions and feelings of closeness. I think it's a regulator.

Interestingly, in one case, the BPD also accused his female partner of "raping" him by making him want to have sex with her. In fact he wanted it too, and he initiated, but he had it in his head that he would lose her AS A FRIEND if he wouldn't have sex.  It took her promising she would still stay around without sex for him to own that he had independent sexual desire for her outside of trying to "keep" her with sex, which he resented like crazy, understandably.  Kissing was ruled out as they were "just friends" -- that's how he policed that line. (They have a good r/ship now and have talked through a lot of the weird dynamics of the early days, but he clearly needed to know he didn't HAVE to give any of this, before he could choose to enjoy it for himself.)

Many other stories I've heard firsthand from female partners of BPD men have this same weird thing about no kissing. So I hope you can go back and strip that of some of its rejection power. It seems to mean "I am scared of the emotional power you have over me."

Thanks for replying and I'm sorry I'm just getting back to you. Your reply was very revealing, I just wish it had come sooner rather han mater but that isn't your fault.

I now see that it wasn't me and that I probably did have an overwhelming emotional connection with him in his eyes... .I wish I had known this was typical so that I could have unserstood him better and given him the space that he needed to feel secure. I do like the intimacy, but I feel like if I hadn't pushed for it he would have eventually realized it was safe because I know how he is with me. Unfortunately, I seemed to have scared him beyond a point of no return. He keeps reading my last

Message about wanting to be friends still (from my other post that you commented on), but he hasn't replied. I'm not sure why he keeps reading it but won't reach out to me.

Anyway, back to the intimacy. This is pretty much exactly what we went through. He kept telling me that he had a hard time expressing himself about things too which added to my confusion about the situation. I feel like such an idiot because I'm actually a victim of sexual abuse myself and have struggled a bit with intimacy myself. I feel kike an idiot though, because now that I look back at everything with this new information, I can see all the nonverbal cues that said he did want me, but I can also understand now what he meant by not being able to take it very further. The "I'm scared of the emotional power you have over me" reminds me of something he said to me. We were talking and he told me that he didn't want to get closer because it "always changes" and he always ends up "not fitting into their lifestyles." And he also told me that he was afraid that us laying there was just going to be a dream and he was going to wake up and realize it wasn't real... .This makes me sad because it's things like this that make me think had I handled it better he would have been less triggered... .I also think we could have worked through the intimacy problem had I been more able to listen because we had a trust there that was pretty solid... .It may have taken ages, but I would have been able to handle it. It was just that I felt rejected becausr I didn't know that this was a typical thing. He even asked me if I felt rejected and I said yeah and he told me he wasn't rejecting me... .Such a fool.

Do y'all think he will ever reach out to me? I'd like to give it another shot... .My BPDex ALWAYS replied to me and made it known that he wanted me in his life and didnt want me to go away. UNTIL, I told him I couldn't be "just friends"... .I tried saying I was sorryba few days later because he is my best friend but he never replied like I said above... .

Man do I wish I had known this stuff... .
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UserName69
AKA double_edge, Mr.Jason, Bradley101
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 276



« Reply #22 on: May 17, 2015, 05:48:13 AM »

I have a question for you. Even if he did text you, what would you tell him? Would you break the nc rule if he texted you?

The other thing is why did you delete him from fb? I did read your entire story but that part really confused me. If someone would delete me from fb and ignore me, I would think she doesn't like me anymore so I'll have to move on. No contact doesn't always work. Sometimes you'll lose the person, I'll guess thats the risk you have took and you should be aware of that.

Maybe he'll contact you maybe he doesn't. If you really want to be sure you should contact him. Sometimes it's better to ignore your pride and honor, thats something temporary but losing him is forever.

Your story sounds very really familiar. I'm having a hard time with a girl. She did act weird, one time she wants me the other time she tells me she needs space. We had a lot of fights now it's over between the two of us. I knew there was something wong with her. I made a mistake by telling her I was dating someone else. This other girl I met is a normal gf. I just mention it because i thought if she hated me she wouldn't be hurt after she dumped me.

I loved her so much that I would never touch an another girl. All I wanted is to be together with her and have a great time with eachother.

I know she deleted me from her phone and blocked me from fb. I have texted her a couple times she didn't respond. Today I texted her again and explained her everything. I don't think she'll ever is going to respond. If she does I'll be very happy because just like you I do want to have a relationship with her, I just love her with my entire heart and want her to be a part of my life.

I don't think she'll understand that. Maybe she thinks I have been fooling her, maybe she'll text me. I really don't know. I wish I could hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her but there is a big chance thats never going to happen.

I broke my honor and pride just to get her back even when she's ignoring me. Maybe she thinks I'm desperate, maybe she's making fun of me with her friends. But I just did, and if she doesn't respond well I guess it's over. It was the only way to find out.

This is want I want to tell you. Just contact him, if he doesn't respond than you gave everything you had to him. He's the one who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.
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ABro12

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 27


« Reply #23 on: May 17, 2015, 11:54:51 AM »

I have a question for you. Even if he did text you, what would you tell him? Would you break the nc rule if he texted you?

The other thing is why did you delete him from fb? I did read your entire story but that part really confused me. If someone would delete me from fb and ignore me, I would think she doesn't like me anymore so I'll have to move on. No contact doesn't always work. Sometimes you'll lose the person, I'll guess thats the risk you have took and you should be aware of that.

Maybe he'll contact you maybe he doesn't. If you really want to be sure you should contact him. Sometimes it's better to ignore your pride and honor, thats something temporary but losing him is forever.

Your story sounds very really familiar. I'm having a hard time with a girl. She did act weird, one time she wants me the other time she tells me she needs space. We had a lot of fights now it's over between the two of us. I knew there was something wong with her. I made a mistake by telling her I was dating someone else. This other girl I met is a normal gf. I just mention it because i thought if she hated me she wouldn't be hurt after she dumped me.

I loved her so much that I would never touch an another girl. All I wanted is to be together with her and have a great time with eachother.

I know she deleted me from her phone and blocked me from fb. I have texted her a couple times she didn't respond. Today I texted her again and explained her everything. I don't think she'll ever is going to respond. If she does I'll be very happy because just like you I do want to have a relationship with her, I just love her with my entire heart and want her to be a part of my life.

I don't think she'll understand that. Maybe she thinks I have been fooling her, maybe she'll text me. I really don't know. I wish I could hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her but there is a big chance thats never going to happen.

I broke my honor and pride just to get her back even when she's ignoring me. Maybe she thinks I'm desperate, maybe she's making fun of me with her friends. But I just did, and if she doesn't respond well I guess it's over. It was the only way to find out.

This is want I want to tell you. Just contact him, if he doesn't respond than you gave everything you had to him. He's the one who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Username69,

If you had read all my posts you would have seen that I have texted him and would have a better grasp of my situation. I have in fact "followed my pride." Also, you have contact me several times via private message in a foreign language. I had your messages translated and I think you are under the assumption that I am someone that you know, but I am not.

I hope your ex gf does decide to reach out to you. It was good that you swallowed your pride and took that chance. At least you know you've done everything you could. It's up to her now. I wish you the best.
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UserName69
AKA double_edge, Mr.Jason, Bradley101
****
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 276



« Reply #24 on: May 17, 2015, 07:49:24 PM »

I have told her a lot of stuff you mentioned like the camping stuff. The dates are also the same. What a coincidence  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I can't get her back, i bet she hates me and talks bad about me. I gave up and decided to focus on other stuff. I even got involved in two new hobbies, cigars and sportbetting. It has helped me a lot, you'll be busy with friends and you'll forget about the person in matter.

You should let it go, it's never easy to let someone go but there is nothing else you can do.

I know that feeling when you realize something and you know it's impossible. When my father got diagnosed with cancer I didn't want to believe that he'll be gone. It only got worse, even when he died I didn't believe he was gone. This made things very difficult for me. I got over it later the thing I have learned from this was that sometimes it's better to let things go.

You shouldn't drive yourself nuts, just let him go and carry on with your life. Someday you'll meet someone who is even better. Just go to a gym to work out, meet new people, go out with friends or start a new hobby. If you're going to stay home and cry about what happend it only will get worse.

I texted her today and explained many things to her, she did reply back. I replied she didn't and I knew it. Those are the games BPD people play and I know this because she played with my feelings a lot. Still I had a great day, I went to a friend to watch a soccer match, smoked cigars, he told me if his favorite team wins he'll call his gf and propose. He did, and I won a bet I placed on this match. What I'm trying to say is just forget about him and go enjoy your life. You'll be fine without him.
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