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Author Topic: I'm sad today... miss her  (Read 349 times)
DearBFF
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Posts: 195


« on: May 07, 2015, 06:50:20 PM »

For those who don't know my story I am staying for/with BFF even though she has left after yelling at me to get out of her life... .as usual though I know she doesn't really mean it and have even heard that she still refers to me as her BFF and says we are just taking a break for a few weeks.  The night before her last blowup I found BPD online and am pretty sure it fits her, but I haven't gotten to talk to her about it yet.

Now a few weeks have gone by and next week it will be a month and she still hasn't contacted me... .today I am sad, but I started out the day good.  For some reason it just entered my head that what if even if she wants to contact me she can't bring herself to do it and then never does.  One friend I have leaned on for support really understands because her best friend has bipolar, and she said at one point they didn't talk for 2 years.  No real reason her friend just wandered away... .  That thought struck me today, what if 2 years go by and I never hear from her again?  What if 2 years go by of our little ones not playing together again, missing birthdays and holidays?  And it just broke my heart... .I came across a message from earlier this year, so simple... .it was just her saying "I love you!" and I just burst into tears, mostly because I long to hear that again and it's hard to remember what it sounded/felt like the last time she said it.

Just as a side note I've been doing pretty well all things considered since that day, and enjoying the time with my hubby and daughter (minus the drama she sometimes brings).  Yet today, I just want to hang out with my BFF and have girl talk, be silly and enjoy one another's company.  Sometimes I just feel like I need a break as a stay at home mom and we could often find peace with one another, and when she gave me a hello hug my stress often melted away (even if she caused some of it).  Now when I stressed I don't know what to do with myself (other than dive into BPD as I have been, I love to pick a topic until I exhaust the library, google links, youtube videos, etc, or I get bored, hehe)... .I like going for walks on trails, but hate going by myself as I get lost, horribly lost and sometimes need to use GPS to find my way back, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).

Today I went out to dinner with hubby and we played a board game when we got home... .at least twice I just burst into tears.  I realized that part of it is that I'm now terrified to try to make new friends.  Being her BFF meant something to me and I can't help feeling like she just needed someone to fill the BFF slot and who isn't really important.  However, for me it really meant something as I haven't had a BFF or close friend in over 10 years!  Now I think back to the beginning and how normal and wonderful it all seemed and am terrified that if I meet someone new how do I know they won't end up just hurting me too.  It makes me a bit bummed I just didn't keep to myself as I was fine alone (with hubby and munchkin and no close friends), but then I let myself get close and trusting is hard.  On one hand I don't want to wait another 10 years, on the other hand if it was to turn out like this 10 years wouldn't be long enough to wait!  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

*sigh*

just needed to vent and be sad somewhere... .I finished "Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder" today and I really loved it.  I might try working on some of those exercises.  Is it odd that I'm not the one with BPD, but I feel the need to buy my own BPD workbook so I can do DBT to feel better? HAHAHA
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an0ught
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 5048



« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2015, 05:48:20 AM »

Dear DearBBF,

good to see you working on your side. These relationships are incredibly intense and close and when the other side turn cold it leaves a big hole in ourselves. Mindfulness can help coping with that pain. It is probably a bigger hole than healthy   and it may be considering how to fill part of it and how to handle closeness, disclosure and sharing in a way that takes into account protecting yourself better. BFF is great and means few boundaries. Still those few are worth a thought.
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  Writing is self validation. Writing on bpdfamily is self validation squared!
DearBFF
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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Posts: 195


« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2015, 01:58:37 PM »

an0ught

So very true... .It's like I finally got my thoughts in order, got a checklist of todos prepared to share wonderful info with her and then bam... .she didn't show up, Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  Very big hole indeed... .thing is I'm realizing more and more the things I miss are seriously the smallest things.  My daughter did something funny and I went, "I can't wait to text... ."  Oh yea, she's not talking to me so I guess that means I can't... . Just even saying hey this funny thing happened, seems off limits until we reconnect.  *fingers crossed*

It's not that I don't remember the bad either, I just see it differently now and can appreciate where she is coming from with her loads of baggage, pain and most likely extreme confusion over understanding her own behavior.  I am learning ways I can better interact with her though and even something as simple as assessing on a scale if she's more on the idealization phase or the devaluation phase means we'd know when to take a break.  I'd just like it to not be a break off all communication like I don't exist break.

I'm definitely LOVING the minfulness though, it's super helpful and I never realized I have done some a of them myself without knowing that's what it was.  I think it would be a helpful skill for just about anyone to learn.   Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Doing much better today... .still hit a sad bump here and there, but if I didn't miss her then I'd know I did't really love her to begin with.
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