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Things we can't ignore
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Codependency and Codependent Relationships
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Author Topic: Stabby  (Read 617 times)
cloudten
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 615



« Reply #30 on: May 14, 2015, 09:35:38 AM »

So his T said that it could be a "lack of sleep" issue... .      for real? That's it.  Both my BPDbf and I feel that there should have been more concern on his part over the subject matter- and not the fact it could have been when he was "sleep-walking".  If that is the first place my BPDbf's mind goes in the subconscious... .there should be cause for concern IMO... .my bf agrees.  My bf said that the T literally downplayed the stabbing incident. The T put him on melatonin to help him sleep... .and other vitamins... .and told him to read up on DBT... .which is good... .because right now he isn't in DBT... .but he should be.

My bf is so freaked out that he refuses to be around my D6 now until things get better. I don't know if I should feel good or bad about that! I guess I should feel good, but part of me feels like its either an excuse for him to get out... .or cheat.  Around here it's been said that distance makes more distance in these relationships- and I firmly believe that is true in my case. Maybe I should just throw in the towel.
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waverider
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
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If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #31 on: May 14, 2015, 09:20:11 PM »

My bf is so freaked out that he refuses to be around my D6 now until things get better. I don't know if I should feel good or bad about that! I guess I should feel good, but part of me feels like its either an excuse for him to get out... .or cheat.  Around here it's been said that distance makes more distance in these relationships- and I firmly believe that is true in my case. Maybe I should just throw in the towel.

When pwBPD reconstruct reality to excuse something they do, they often go to extremes. Don't take it as a sign that he is genuinely unaware. What he does to avoid it today will not effect anything when the urge next strikes in a month or two. It can be no more than grand gesturing and wont solve the issue.

Lack of sleep could very well add to the trigger, but is not the cause. Reality and judgement gets blurred when sleep deprived. My partner used to use sleep deprivation as a form of self punishment/harm, and the result was always extreme psychotic type behavior
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  Reality is shared and open to debate, feelings are individual and real
foggydew
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Relationship status: widowed/7 years
Posts: 371



« Reply #32 on: May 15, 2015, 09:41:36 AM »

This kind of stuff concerns me too... .my uBPD person often describes graphically how he will cut me up, or shoot or attack someone else. Recently he calculated exactly how long he would take to hit the ground if he jumped out of the window. I feel it is a way of letting of steam and trying to cope with emotions that he can't describe. I don't take it tremerndously seriously as he has never hurt a fly - at least since he became an adult.
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cloudten
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 615



« Reply #33 on: May 18, 2015, 12:24:41 PM »

Foggydew- Yes, for 3 years I have taken it exactly the same way- that he is letting off steam and trying to cope with emotions that he can't describe... .either that or he has a warped sense of appropriate responses. or a little both.  History has shown me that he has never hurt me... .he has threatened... .but never actually hurt me. So, I have to go with that ... .for now.

I am OCD, and in my OCD-ness, I contacted his exgf that he 2-timed me with. I asked her if he ever threatened to stab, slash her throat, or otherwise hurt/kill her. She said No. Not a very descriptive response as she doesn't really like me for obvious reasons- but she just got her master's in art therapy- and I think she would be honest with me if he had threatened her in such a way.

In thinking back- I find it interesting... .in that whole 9+ months that he was with her and cheating on her with me (most of that time I didn't know she existed and that he was cheating)... .he didn't threaten me, and she says he didn't threaten her.  Just interesting. Maybe he was satisfying that 'bad' personality with the cheating and didn't need to threaten anyone's life. 

I guess I shall never know the answers to these things. He hasn't threatened me since the original post... .and all I can do right now is monitor how he actually treats me (threatens me)... .and not worry about the "what ifs".
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